


Trials, Tribulations & Triangles 2

by PrincessMisery86



Series: Lexi Shay [2]
Category: Chicago Fire, Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Crimes & Criminals, Drama, F/M, Past Relationship(s), Relationship(s), Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-11-27 21:30:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 18
Words: 72,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18199559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessMisery86/pseuds/PrincessMisery86
Summary: Sequel to Trials, Tribulations & Triangles. Set 6 weeks after part 1. Lexi & Jay run in to some major problems, can they work through them? Whilst working the case of a homicidal rapist, Lexi gets too close, taking unnecessary risks ultimately putting her job in jeopardy. There’s an unexpected marriage and Kelly is hanging around to comfort Lexi in her time of need. Story is complete. Will post at least one chapter a week until all 18 chapters are posted.





	1. Las Vegas

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel to Trials, Tribulations and Triangles. You will need to have read that to understand this story. Although I feel my writing is better on this one.  
> I have mentioned days and dates rather than always writing "the following day / a few days later" etc. But the dates won't affect the story in any major way.

** Chapter 1 – Las Vegas  **

** Monday January 7th – Morning **

Lexi sat at her usual booth in Jerry’s waiting for Jay. “Can I get you some more coffee sweetheart?” the waitress, Carol, asked approaching with the coffee pot.

“Please” Lexi accepted smiling looking back out of the window. They had arranged to meet at eight thirty, Jay was forty minutes late, if he wasn’t there soon, they wouldn’t have time to eat breakfast before they had to be at the district.

She picked up her phone, worry starting to set in as she dialled his number, his voicemail took the call. She hung up without leaving what would be her third message. Where the hell was he? It wasn’t like Jay to be late, or not show up without calling her. Lexi threw some money on the table before leaving to go searching for her partner.

* * *

Lexi walked in to Voight’s office after knocking on his open door. “Hey Boss” she began gaining Voight’s attention who was stood with his back turned to the door reading from a file. “Have you heard from Jay?”

“Yeah” he explained “called me this morning said he needed to take a week off”

Lexi was surprised, she had gone to his apartment straight from Jerry’s and there had been no answer. She let herself in with her keys and found a few of his clothes missing, obviously having been packed in a hurry and taken by him. “He tell you why?”

“Said one of his military brothers had passed. His wife had requested Jay carry the casket.”

Lexi understood it was a time sensitive situation, the widow had requested Jay meet the casket at the airport, to bring his fallen brother home. Yet that didn’t explain why Jay wouldn’t call Lexi and let her know what was happening. He had had time to call Hank and explain the situation.

“You ok?” Voight asked noting her thoughtful expression.

“Yeah” she half-smiled, not quite convincingly. “Yeah, he just didn’t tell me that’s all”

“I’m sure he’ll call you when he can.”

* * *

Lexi sat at the red light staring absentmindedly out of the windshield. Adam sat in the passenger seat, Voight had partnered them up whilst Jay was away. Adam was talking but Lexi wasn’t listening. Lexi was deep in thought, her mind focused on Jay, why hadn’t he called her yet? Sent her a text message? Things had been good between them for the last month, they were happy, or so she thought.

“Lex” Adam called loudly bringing her out of her daydream. “Green light”

Lexi pulled away a little too quickly, causing the rubber wheels to squeal on the concrete road. “Sorry”

“You know we’re like five minutes from med. Maybe Will knows something you don’t”

“Do you mind?” Lexi asked quickly glancing at him.

“Not at all” he smiled “if it will put your mind at ease, go for it”

* * *

Adam and Lexi entered Chicago Med and scanned the nearest faces for Will. Not being able to locate him Lexi walked to the desk. “Is Doctor Halstead around?”

The nurse looked behind her “he was just here” she explained cheerily. “I can page him if you like?”

Lexi smiled at her thankful for her help. “It’s a personal matter so only if he isn’t busy”

“Never too busy for you Detective Shay” Will said from behind her.

“Thank you” Lexi told the nurse before turning to Will.

“What’s up?” Will enquired looking at Adam. Will’s smiling face faltered, his mind going somewhere dark as he wondered why Adam and Lexi were together, there to see him, where was Jay? “Is Jay okay?” he asked immediately assuming something had happened to his brother.

“Yes” Lexi said quickly knowing Will had jumped to the wrong conclusion. “Well I think so” Lexi added stepping to the side away from the desk. “He took off this morning, called Voight said he was going to Vegas for a funeral, one of his ranger buddies.”

Will screwed up his face. “ah shit, it must be Paul Sykes” he explained “He lived in Vegas”

Lexi recognised the name, she must have been introduced to him at Michael Nash’s funeral a few years before. “Have you heard from Jay?” she enquired as Will shook his head to answer her question. “He’s not answering my calls or messages, I mean he could still be in the air but…”

“I’ll call him” Will assured her. “I’ll let you know if I get through”

“Thanks. I’ll do the same”

* * *

  **Wednesday January 16 th \- Afternoon. **

Lexi drove the rental car a little faster than she should have, weaving in and out of traffic, sounding her horn at people who got in her way. She was being reckless, but she was worried, slowly going out of her mind.

Jay had disappeared just over two weeks ago. Lexi had tried to call him every day, she had left voicemails, sent text messages as had Will. Jay had answered one call from Will telling him he needed some time and he would be back soon. Three days after he went to Vegas, Jay had sent Lexi a message, that read ‘I need you to leave me alone for a while. We’re over, I’m not your problem anymore. Sorry’.

Lexi had tried to call him, she wanted to ask him what had happened to make him break up with her? What had changed since he had been in Vegas? Why the sudden change of heart? She never got an answer as he never picked up the phone and he never replied to any of her messages after that.

Intelligence had picked up a triple homicide case shortly after Jay’s only and final message to her, so she had been distracted with work and hadn’t had the time to worry or chase after him. Will and Hank had convinced her to let Jay work it out for himself, he would come home when he was ready, he was just letting off steam with his buddies, mourning their fallen friend, taking the opportunity to have a reunion of sorts. Lexi had followed their advice, she had left Jay alone, he was an adult, she wasn’t his babysitter or his girlfriend apparently, any more.

Then early hours of this morning her cell phone ringing had stirred Lexi from her sleep but not woken her, the voicemail notification had woken her fully. She immediately listened to the message and remembered every word as she drove through the Las Vegas traffic. “Lex, hey, it’s me, Jay…” he sounded drunk, extremely drunk slurring his words, but there was also a hint of something else to his voice, he sounded defeated, emotionally tired. “I just wanted to say thanks, but I’m done…it’s all too much, I’m sorry but I can’t…hey Jay you coming?” whoever had called him in the background had distracted him from his call and the voicemail abruptly ended.

Lexi had frantically tried calling him back as she raced to the airport and as soon as she got off the plane but still hadn’t heard back from him.

Voight had called in a favour with a friend at the Las Vegas PD and they had pinged Jay’s phone giving Lexi the location of a motel. Lexi screeched to a halt in a parking bay outside the main motel reception and ran through the doors.

“I’m looking for this guy” Lexi said slamming her phone on to the desk to show the male attendant a photo of Jay.

“Look lady, we don’t want no trouble here…”

Lexi pulled her badge from her hip and showed him. “He’s a friend, I think he might be hurt, please”

The receptionist eyed her badge and then looked at the photo again. “Room 104” he told her.

“Thank you” Lexi called over her shoulder racing back outside. She checked the room numbers closest to her then ran in the direction of room 104. She felt sick, petrified of what she was going to find, what if Jay had done something stupid? What if he had hurt himself? His message sounded desperate, like he had given up, he sounded like he was saying goodbye to her.

Lexi used a closed fist and banged on the door of room 104, the curtains were drawn on the window, she couldn’t see inside. “JAY, YOU IN THERE?” she shouted, she waited and heard nothing. “JAY, IF YOU’RE IN THERE OPEN UP” she yelled banging again.

Lexi heard movement inside then Jay was standing in his boxer shorts, squinting at the bright afternoon sun as it hit his face. “Lex, what the hell?”

Lexi barged past him in to the room, Jay closed the door and stood staring at her. Lexi assessed his body, looking from his head to toes, looking for signs he had hurt himself or he was hurt in any way. He had no signs of harm to his body, expect a few scratch marks down his chest, Lexi figured that was more from pleasure than pain. Lexi swallowed down the lump that formed in her throat at the thought of Jay being with someone else.

Jay suddenly felt self-conscious he didn’t like the way she was looking at him. He reached for a pair of sweat pants that were thrown over the chair by the door. “What are you doing here?” he asked stepping in to pants.

Lexi diverted her eyes from his body and walked to fling the curtains open, letting the sunlight flood in to the room. She turned to assess the room in the daylight. Empty beer bottles, whiskey bottles, old fast food boxes, and clothes, were strewn around the room haphazardly. It was a mess, and the days old food containers were beginning to smell.

“I’ll ask you again,” Jay started impatiently walking around her and sitting on the edge of the bed. “What are you doing here?”

Lexi pulled her phone from her pocket and played his voicemail message on speaker phone. “Lex, hey, it’s me, Jay…I just wanted to say thanks, but I’m done… it’s all too much, I’m sorry but I can’t…hey Jay you coming?” Lexi’s eyes brimmed with tears, now she was looking at him, now she knew he was ok, she couldn’t hide the relief.

Jay scratched the back of his head his eyes downcast and embarrassed, “I don’t even remember calling”

“I wonder why?” Lexi chuckled sarcastically motioning at the empty alcohol bottles on the floor. “I thought…” Lexi started but couldn’t finish her sentence, she didn’t want to think about it. She had done nothing but think about the what ifs on the flight and the drive here, now she knew he was ok she was angry with him.

“I’m sorry” he told her. “But I’m fine, you wasted a trip.” He explained standing up and swaying a little. Lexi scoffed at him, he was still drunk from the night before. “You don’t need to worry about me”

“You are not fine Jay, it’s two in the afternoon and you can hardly stand up straight”

He shrugged his shoulders indifferently “So I had a couple drinks last night”

“Do you even know what day it is?” Jay didn’t answer, he wasn’t sure if it was Wednesday or Thursday, or was it Friday? What did it matter anyway? Lexi waited for a response, realising he wasn’t going to answer she asked with cynicism dripping from her voice. “The reunion’s going well then.”

“Don’t” Jay warned.

Lexi couldn’t hide her emotions anymore, she was furious with him for leaving without calling, angry at him breaking up with her via text, relieved he was ok. “DON’T WHAT?” she bellowed at him.

“DON’T WALK IN HERE ALL HIGH AND MIGHTY AND TELL ME HOW TO DEAL WITH MY SHIT!”

Lexi laughed without humour “THIS IS DEALING?”

“LIKE YOU WOULD KNOW”

“DOESN’T LOOK LIKE YOUR DEALING WITH ANYTHING TO ME!”

“WE CAN’T ALL MURDER OUR PROBLEMS” Jay screamed at her.

They stood staring at one another, Jay inhaling and exhaling deeply, trying to calm his anger. Lexi couldn’t believe what he had just said. She broke their stare and cleared some clothes from the chair by the door and sat down. She wasn’t going to get through to him when he was like this or if she was angry with him.

Lexi sighed and looked up at him, “I don’t know what you’re dealing with Jay and I’m not going to pretend to understand, but I’m not letting you do this alone and I’m definitely not going to let you drink yourself in to oblivion.”

Jay walked to the fridge that was under the table that held the tv and took out a bottle of water, swigging from the bottle greedily. “It’s not that bad” Jay informed her.

Lexi raised her eyebrows at him questioningly “No? Do you know you’ve been gone almost three weeks?”

Jay couldn’t hide the flash of shock that crossed his features. He hadn’t realised it had been that long, he had been in a haze of booze, women, partying and blacking out. Jay leant on the table behind him. He exhaled sharply looking up at the ceiling. He had screwed up and he knew it. “I’ve been preoccupied” he admitted.

“I can see that” Lexi’s sad eyes motioned toward the marks on his abdomen. 

Jay ashamedly put his arm across his stomach trying to hide the evidence of his previous endeavours, wanting to change the subject he asked, “Is Voight pissed?”

Lexi nodded smiling a little, faking a niceness she didn’t feel. “I talked him out of firing your ass.”

The smile on Jay’s lips didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’m sorry”

Lexi shook her head slowly, “don’t be sorry, just come home”

Jay’s mouth curved in to a half-hearted smile, “yeah, alright, let me take a shower first?”

“Ah damn it” Lexi groaned grinning at him “I was hoping you’d refuse so I could tazze you and throw you in the trunk”

* * *

Jay had taken a shower whilst Lexi packed his bag. She took his bag to the rental car, then drove the car from outside the reception to park in front of Jay’s room, whilst Jay knocked on the doors of the rooms his friends had been staying in, to say goodbye.

Lexi watched Jay knock on the third door and was surprised to see a pretty, brunette woman answer the door. They spoke for a couple of minutes before Jay kissed her cheek and then hugged her.

Jay walked to the car and got in. “Ready?” Lexi asked enthusiastically.

“Yeah” he said smiling lightly.

“I got us a flight home, you owe me six hundred bucks by the way”

Jay laughed “I owe you a lot more than that” he said as she backed the car up and swung it round. “I am sorry Lex”

“I’m just glad you’re okay.” Lexi said pulling the car out on to the main road.

* * *

**Friday January 18 th \- Evening. **

Lexi walked behind the bar of Molly’s greeting Gabby by kissing her cheek as she pulled a pint for a customer. “How was your Vegas trip?” Gabby quipped. Gabby knew why Lexi had gone to Vegas, the reason she had gone was sat across the bar with some of his Intelligence colleagues.

“Short and expensive” Lexi rolled her eyes glancing over at the table occupied by Jay who was laughing along with Adam, Kevin and Kim. “What can I get you Doc?” Lexi asked approaching Will who was waiting to be served.

“A beer and one for yourself” Will ordered handing over some cash. “A thank you for bringing him home” he explained looking over at his smiling brother.

“I’d say it was my pleasure” Lexi grinned grabbing a bottle of beer from the fridge “but you know it’s Jay so…”

Will laughed with her picking up his beer from the counter top, “I do know” he inclined his bottle toward her in a toast, Lexi raised the shot of tequila, she had poured for herself at Will’s request. “To the younger, less handsome and less charming Halstead” Will toasted

Lexi took her shot as Will swigged his beer. “We really need to shorten that” she suggested

Will smirked thinking fast on his feet. “How about half price Halstead?”

“Works for me” She chuckled before Will walked to join his brother.

“You two kissed and made up?” Gabby enquired watching Lexi unashamedly stare at Jay across the bar.

Jay had slept most of the journey home from Vegas, sleeping off his hangover. Lexi felt airports, planes nor cab rides were the right place to have relationship discussions. Lexi had kept the conversation casual, updating Jay on the latest case intelligence had worked. Jay told her a couple stories of his time in Vegas, focusing on the reunion side of the trip rather than the blatant attempt at avoiding dealing with the death of his friend.

Lexi averted her gaze answering Gabby with a shake of her head, “No, haven’t seen him since we got home Wednesday night. Voight told him to take the rest of the week off, come back fresh on Monday.”

“Do you want to make up with him?”

“I miss him” Lexi admitted without hesitation.

“So go get your boy” Gabby encouraged

“He broke up with me” Lexi reminded her “He was going through a tough time and his first thought was to skip town and dump me.” Lexi thought aloud. Jay had broken up with her rather than leaning on her for support, he hadn’t gone to her for help, he had pushed her away. Maybe he didn’t feel like she was someone he could lean on? “Maybe he doesn’t want to make up with me” she speculated watching Jay weave through the tables toward them.

“Only one way to find out” Gabby advised in a sing song-y voice as Jay sat on a vacant chair at the bar in front of where Lexi stood.

“Find out what?” Jay queried smiling brightly at them both.

“Nothing” Lexi answered urgently before Gabby could enlighten him.

“Chicken” Gabby joked walking further down the bar to serve a waiting customer.

Lexi smirked ignoring Gabby’s taunt and focused on Jay. “What can I get you?” she plastered on an awkward yet genuine smile leaning on the bar.

“Three beers, and a gin and tonic please” he ordered. “Want to join us for a drink after your shift?” he offered watching Lexi begin to prepare the drinks.

Lexi thanked him for the offer placing two beers on the bar “but I gotta close up tonight” she explained picking up the other two drinks. “I had to switch with Gabby. She covered for me Wednesday night”

Jay smiled looking somewhat bashful “Sorry” he apologised knowing he was the reason for Lexi having to swap her shifts before carrying the tray containing the drinks back to the table.

* * *

“Goodnight guys” Lexi smiled holding the door open as the last few stragglers passed her and exited Molly’s. She pulled the door closed looking forward to going to bed once she had cleaned the tables and washed the last of the glasses. It had been a long few days.

She pushed the deadbolt up before hearing someone knock on the door. She exhaled rolling her eyes “We’re closed” she called through the door. The unwanted visitor knocked again.

She sighed unlocking the door assuming it was someone having forgot something in the bar. “We’re closed” Lexi teased seeing Jay staring back at her smiling.

“Figured I should help you lock up” He explained stepping passed her in to the bar “as I’m the reason your having to do it”

“Well roll up your sleeves” Lexi commanded relocking the door. “There’s glasses to be washed, and tables to be wiped down”

“Put me to work” Jay said taking off his jacket and rubbing his hands together eagerly.

* * *

Lexi polished the last table after she had wiped them clean. She heard glass jingle as Jay entered from the kitchen carrying the dishwasher tray containing clean glasses and placing it on the bar. “This is the last of them” he informed.

“Thanks, leave them there I’ll put them away.”

“Need me to do anything else?”

“No, thanks” she smiled thankfully at him as she passed him walking behind the bar. Lexi began sorting the glasses in to their rightful places. “You can take off if you want?”

“I don’t even get a drink for all my hard work?” he asked sitting on a barstool.

Lexi laughed “If you think what you just did was hard work, don’t ever work in a bar”

“Can you imagine the tips I’d make though” he grinned at her as she poured him a whiskey on the rocks. “With this face and my charm, I’d make a killing”

Lexi hooted at him passing him his drink shaking her head at his cockiness as she continued to put the clean glasses away. “So modest”

“Not going to join me?”

“The only thing I want to do right now is crawl in to my bed and pass out”

Jay raised his eyebrows suggestively. “That an invitation?”

“To pass out on you?” she questioned sarcastically. “You not see enough of that in Vegas?”

“Ouch” he remarked looking away from her a little ashamed. “I guess I deserved that”

Lexi sighed sadly seeing his downcast eyes. She felt bad for taking a dig at him, but he did deserve it, she wasn’t going to apologise.

“Maybe I should go” he suggested standing up and picking up his jacket from the stool next to him.

“So that’s it?” Lexi asked anger seeping in to her voice. “You take off for three weeks, partying and obviously screwing anything with a pulse” Lexi’s memory flashed to the nail marks she had seem on Jay’s torso, making the fury in her voice stronger, “break up with me, via text no less, and that’s it?” she asked as she watched him put on his jacket. “You’re walking away?”

“Do you want me to?” he asked staring her dead in the eye. “I did all those things you just said, not that I remember most of it” he shook his head trying to find the memory “So you tell me Lex, should I walk away? Leave you alone or can you forgive me?” Jay wondered throwing the ball back in to her court.

His gaze got too much to handle and Lexi had to look away from him. He waited what felt like an eternity for her to answer. Could she forgive him? When she didn’t respond, just continuing to stare at her feet he walked to the door of Molly’s.

“I love you Jay, that hasn’t changed” she spoke to his back as he unlocked the door with the keys Lexi had left in the lock. “But I won’t let you just drop me and pick me up when it suits you”

“That’s not what this is” he said without turning to face her.

“Well figure out what this is, what it is that you do want and let me know” she advised. Jay stood for a minute internally debating what to say to her, whether to say anything to her, before walking out of Molly’s.


	2. Birthday Celebrations

## Saturday January 19th \- Evening.

Today had been one of the hardest Lexi had ever faced. It was her birthday, her first birthday without her sister. The first birthday since Shay had been killed. Lexi couldn’t say ‘passed away’ it made it sound like she had died peacefully in her sleep or something, she hadn’t, she had been killed by a psycho arsonist.

Lexi had spent the day in her apartment, she had woken early, but lay in bed until way past midday. Unable to find a reason to get out of bed. Her phone kept chiming alerting her to messages or ringing but she ignored them all. She couldn’t face people wishing her a happy birthday, it wasn’t a happy birthday.

She had dragged herself from her bed at two p.m. read all the messages and listened to her voicemails but didn’t respond to any of them. She hadn’t received messages from Jay, Kelly or Gabby, Lexi knew that they would understand she didn’t want to hear ‘happy birthday’ from anyone.

Lexi forced herself to go through the motions of showering and dressing in a zombie like state. She opened her dresser draw to take out a pair of socks and the light glistened off the silver chain that sat in the corner of the draw. She pulled the chain out, her engagement ring swinging on the end. The corners of her mouth twitched in to a sad smile and she ignored the tears that welled in her eyes before fastening the chain around her neck, the cold metal shocking her as it touched her skin. She lifted the ring and kissed it gently, thinking of Shay.

Lexi closed her eyes, imagining the huge grin on Shay’s face as she stood beside Kelly in the shop as he handed the cashier his credit card for the ring Shay had chosen for her sister. Thinking about the excitement Leslie probably felt at the prospect of being able to help plan her sister’s and best friend’s wedding. A wedding that was never going to happen now.

A pang of sadness swept over her, today sucked. She wiped the wet tears from her cheek. The buzzer on her door chimed around the otherwise silent apartment startling her.

She slowly walked down the stairs to answer the door, not wanting to face whoever it was. She couldn’t plaster on a fake smile for anyone today, couldn’t pretend everything was ok, not today, she wasn’t strong enough.

Lexi opened the door, Kelly stood staring at her tears already streaming down his face, his eyes red and puffy from the tears he had already shed. Neither of them spoke, Kelly crashed in to her, his arms fastening tightly around her waist as she clasped her arms around his neck. Kelly walked Lexi backwards his arms still secure around her and she pushed the door closed over his shoulder. Kelly buried his head in the crook of her neck and clinging on to each other they sobbed.

Eventually the ocean of tears ran dry, and Lexi led Kelly upstairs in to her apartment. She went to the bathroom, splashing cold water on her face, trying to soothe some of the puffiness from her eyes, dripping water down her shirt in the process. She took it off exiting the bathroom.

Kelly sat on the end of her bed, noticing the chain around her neck he stepped in front of her abruptly stopping her in her tracks. He pinched the ring in his fingers admiring it. “I miss you both so much Lex” Kelly let the ring drop, staring up at the ceiling to hold in tears he didn’t think he had left.

Lexi avoided watching him hold back more tears, looking around him. Her heart ached, her chest felt tight, she was physically hurting. Hurting because she missed her sister, felt pain because she was the reason her sister was gone, she hated the sorrow in Kelly’s eye’s, despised seeing Kelly cry. But she could help ease Kelly’s suffering, that’s one thing she could do. She put her hands on the side of his face and pulled it down to her, kissing his lips softly. 

Kelly grabbed her hips and pulled her body against his as her tongue played with his. Her hands roamed down his body to the hem of his shirt, finding his skin she ran her hands up his torso, feeling his every muscle. Gripping his waist on either side she walked backward to the bed, she pulled her hands from his body and pushed his jacket off his shoulders.

Kelly growled against her mouth, gripped her waist tighter before pushing her away from him. “Stop, stop” Kelly said stepping back from her as the back of her legs hit the bed behind her. He starred down at her, breathing rapidly. “I want you Lex, I can’t tell you how much, but not like this” he admitted shaking his head. “Not because you want to make me feel better”

Lexi nodded understanding, although feeling a little hurt at the rejection, she didn’t just want to make him feel better; it would help her forget for a while too. Nevertheless, she understood he didn’t want her to be with him out of pity, or because she wanted to feel something other than sorrow. “I’m sorry”

He blew out a long breath before pulling her in to a hug. “Will you come somewhere with me?” He felt her head nod against his chest.

* * *

“What are we doing here?” Lexi asked as Kelly pulled over outside their old apartment building and killed the engine. The apartment they had lived in with Shay, Kelly had sold the apartment back to the owner of the building when Shay passed away. The apartment held too many memories of Shay, too many reminders of his now broken relationship with Lexi.

“I wanted to go somewhere to feel close to Shay. To talk to her.” Kelly explained. Shay had been cremated so didn’t have a graveside he could visit. “This was the first place that came to mind. Whenever she had a bad day or needed to think she’d always be…”

“On the roof” Lexi recalled smiling fondly.  

“The first time I went up there I instantly felt like she was there, like she was listening to me” Kelly reached in to his pocket and pulled out a set of keys, handing them to Lexi he continued, “I made a deal with the landlord, that I’d do all the fire safety checks for free, if I got to keep a set of keys so I could go up there whenever I wanted to. Come on”

* * *

Lexi opened the door and walked out on to the roof. The deck chairs and fire pit that Shay had purchased were still there. Shay had decorated the space with old, vintage looking solar powered lanterns on the walls, illuminating the roof space with soft ambient light. Lexi instantly felt like Shay was there, if she listened hard enough, she swore she could hear her voice in the wind. Kelly had been right, Lexi felt better, she did feel close to Shay up here.

She walked to the flat roof edge and looked out at the Chicago night. The roof top gave a clear view for miles, the clear night and lights were beautiful when you took the time to look at them, appreciate them.

Kelly sat in one of the deck chairs watching Lexi look out at Chicago. Silence surrounded them for almost twenty minutes both lost in their own thoughts.

“You remember the New Year we spent in New York?” Kelly reminisced smiling fondly. “Shay made a big deal about bringing in the New Year with people we loved, made Gabby and Matt come too even though they were going through a rough patch.”

Lexi giggled as she sat on the deck chair beside him “You mean the one where she met a girl after about three hours of being there and disappeared for two days?”

Kelly chuckled “That’s the one” he gazed up at the stars as if he were looking for Shay amongst them. “She appeared in the club next to us just as the clock struck midnight, looking like some magical fairy, wearing some big white wings and covered in glitter” They both laughed out loud at the memory. “That’s how I remember her” Kelly acknowledged “smiling, happy, covered in glitter.”

“Me too. But I also remember holding her hair back whilst she threw up all night too”

Kelly grinned humour sparkling in his eyes. “She blamed it on food poisoning”

“Of course,” Lexi confirmed “there’s no way it was the ten shots of tequila or random blue cocktails she had been drinking”

Kelly grinned, “I could use a tequila, or ten, right now” Lexi nodded in agreement.

* * *

Kelly walked ahead of Lexi across the parking lot of Molly’s “Do I really have to do this?” Lexi groaned behind him.

He turned to look at her walking backwards “Do what?”

“Everyone’s in there right,” Lexi stated raising her eyebrows knowing she was right. “To celebrate my birthday, honour Shay?”

Kelly smirked and stopped walking “Nothing gets past you Detective.”

“I don’t think I have it in me to go in there.” She declared sadness and a hint of worry in her eyes. She was scared to go in there, fearful of seeing everyone and breaking down.

Kelly stepped to her taking her right hand in his. “They’re her family, they miss her too and they want to be there to support you.” Lexi heaved a weary sigh looking up at him, Kelly smiled sympathetically continuing, “beside we should be celebrating her. We’ve cried and we’ve reminisced, now it’s time to drink and celebrate that we got to have her in our lives” Lexi’s mouth twitched in a small smile. “If it gets too much, you can bail” 

Lexi pouted comically as she grumbled. “Do I really have to?”

Kelly crouched down “I didn’t want to have to do this” he stated throwing her over his shoulder. “But you left me no choice”

“Kelly” Lexi shrieked laughing. “Put me down before you drop me” she protested as he carried her in to Molly’s.

“SURPRISE” chorused around the bar as Kelly turned so Lexi was facing in to the bar and set her on her feet.

Lexi took in the scene, purple and silver balloons decorated the tables and walls, a banner reading ‘Happy Birthday’ hung above the bar. A framed picture of Shay in her dress blues stood on an easel at the far end of the bar. Friends and colleagues from the Chicago police department, fire department and med were in attendance. Lexi surprised herself and let the smile that bubbled up take over her features, Kelly was right, it was time to celebrate Shay’s life.

“Happy birthday Lex” Kelly said kissing her cheek.

* * *

Lexi crossed the bar smiling at some Chicago Med nurses as she passed them to get to Gabby who was stood with Matt, Kelly, Cruz, and Brett.

Lexi nudged Gabby’s elbow from behind to get her attention. “Thank you for all this” Lexi said embracing her as she turned around. “I know this is probably all your doing” she acknowledged kissing Gabby’s cheek. “I didn’t realise how much I needed it”

Gabby smiled tenderly “I love you Lex”

“I love you too” Lexi broke their embrace grinning fondly at her friend. Gabby and Shay had been best friends and Lexi was thankful Gabby had found space in her heart to let Lexi in after Shay’s passing.

Gabby took Lexi’s hand and looked at Kelly. “You ready?” she asked, he nodded his confirmation before stepping through the middle of the group to follow Gabby and Lexi. “Come with me” Gabby instructed leading Lexi by her hand to the other end of the bar. “Wait here” Gabby told her before disappearing in to the kitchen.

“What is she doing?” Lexi asked looking at Kelly. Gabby had reappeared before Kelly could respond.

“Here” Gabby said handing Lexi a small rectangle, black, velvet box. “It’s not from me” Gabby explained quickly before Lexi could open the box. “It’s from Shay” Lexi’s gaze shot up from examining the box in her hand to Gabby for further explanation. “She’d had it planned for months, she had it specially made. She used Molly’s contact details so it wouldn’t get delivered to the apartment whilst you were there or something”

Lexi’s throat constricted as she fought off tears, she didn’t want to open the box, realising it was the last present she would ever receive from her sister. It had to be jewellery, she knew that much from the box. Gabby put a reassuring hand over Lexi’s before walking away to leave her with Kelly.

Curiosity got the better of her, Lexi opened the lid to expose a diamond heart pendant, that could be split in two pieces, each side with a ‘L’ in purple diamonds amongst the white stones. The tears spilled from her eyes.

Kelly explained, “Shay said your Nan had a necklace the same and you both loved it. You couldn’t decide who got it after your Nan passed so Shay had that made from the stones of your Nan’s necklace, a half for each of you”

Lexi wiped her tears and took the left half of the heart from the box, holding it by the small hook atop it. “Can you put it on for me?” she asked Kelly showing her back to him and lifting her hair.

Kelly obliged unclasping and removing the chain she already wore, passing it to Lexi to slide the heart down on to it. The heart sat nicely next to the ring that already occupied the necklace. Kelly put the chain back around her neck ensuring it was fastened.

She closed the box on the other half of the heart and gave it to Kelly. “I want you to have it” Kelly started to decline the gift, but she interrupted him. “You loved her just as much as me.”

Kelly smiled thankfully and took the box. “Thank you” he said leaning down to kiss her cheek. 

* * *

The evening was drawing to a close and there weren’t many people left at Molly’s, which had had a sign on the door stating it was closed for a private function so there were no strangers allowed in.  

Lexi was overwhelmed with the amount of love she felt, she had been hugged and kissed more times than she could count, wished a happy birthday, consoled on the loss of Shay again. No one had shed an unhappy tear, or they had managed to subdue them. Lexi had a sneaky suspicious Gabby had prewarned or threatened everyone that no one was permitted to cry. It was to be a celebration not a mourning.

Lexi exited the lady’s bathroom to see Jay leaning against the far wall obviously waiting for her, smiling as she caught his eye. “How’re you holding up?”

“Honestly, it’s been tough” she told him leaning her shoulder against the wall beside him. “But better than I thought”

“Good” Jay said turning to face her. “I haven’t had chance to say happy birthday yet, kinda feel like you’ve been avoiding me” Lexi gazed down at her feet, she had been avoiding him. She hadn’t known what to say, how to act after their conversation last night. He guided her head up to look at him, he inched his head closer to her, whispering “happy birthday Lex”.

He felt her inhale as he closed his eyes in anticipation of kissing her. “Stop” Lexi demanded her lips brushing his as she spoke. Jay stopped moving and opened his eyes to look at her but didn’t retreat. Lexi took a step back, she couldn’t look at him, the hurt in his eyes she knew was there from her rejection.

Today had been hard enough, she couldn’t deal with the are they or aren’t they of it all right now. Jay kissing her would only complicate matters, did it mean they were back together? Did it mean he loved her? Was he just trying to make her feel better? She didn’t have the mental capacity to deal with it right now. 

She didn’t want to put pressure on him and she wasn’t asking him to decide about their relationship right now, but they couldn’t fix whatever was wrong with a kiss and pretending everything was ok. Right here, right now, wasn’t the time to deal with it.

“I can’t…not right now…I’m sorry Jay” she advised stepping around him to re-join the party.

* * *

**Sunday January 20 th – Morning.**

Jay sat in his car staring at Lexi’s apartment door. The party had finished almost two hours ago. Jay had left along with everyone else leaving Lexi, Kelly, Gabby and Matt to tidy up. Jay had got in to his car, put the key in the ignition but couldn’t find it in him to turn the key and drive away. He didn’t want to leave, he didn’t want Lexi to be alone tonight. If he was being honest with himself, he missed her, he wanted to be with her.

He had watched Kelly, Gabby and Matt leave Molly’s about thirty minutes ago and he couldn’t deny the fact he was so relieved to watch Kelly walk out and then see Lexi’s apartment light up as she switched on lights.

Lexi and Kelly had been spending time together as friends, after her ordeal with Calvin Poe things hadn’t been so hostile or awkward between the three of them. Jay understood Kelly had been a big part of Lexi’s life, a part she shared with Shay, it wasn’t easy for Lexi to just walk away from him. Lose someone else she loved. They had found common ground and could be civil to one another. Jay would have been lying if he had said it didn’t cross his mind that Kelly would make a move on Lexi knowing she was currently single.

He wanted to knock on her door and tell her he loved her, that he wanted to work everything out with her but was now really the time?

The lights in her apartment began to switch off, she must have been going to bed, switching off the lights as she walked through the apartment. Movement caught his eye and he watched as Lexi stepped out of her front door.

Lexi faced the street putting her keys in her pocket after locking the door behind her. Jay watched her take a few deep breaths and close her eyes, like she was fighting with a decision. She took her phone from her pocket and chewed on her bottom lip. She had made the decision but was nervous about it. Lexi typed a message and Jay’s phone chiming in his pocket surprised him.

He fumbled for his phone in his jacket and saw Lexi’s name on his new message alert.

**Lexi:** Are you awake? Could use a friend.

Jay immediately pressed the call button. “Hey” he answered smiling.

Lexi smiled hearing the smile in Jay’s voice. “Hi” she said softly. “I’m sorry if I woke you but I…”

“Look to your left” he instructed interrupting her reasoning.

Lexi slowly turned the phone still to her ear, she laughed as he waved at her before stepping out of the car. “Guess we both had the same idea” she concluded as he walked slowly toward her.

“Great minds think alike” he quipped as he stood before her them both putting their phones away. “You wanna talk about whatever it is that’s on your mind?”

Lexi shook her head from side to side, no, she didn’t want to talk about it, but she was going to. “Yeah I do”

“Well we gonna talk out here in negative ten temperatures?” Jay joked laughing when she didn’t move “or you gonna invite me in?”

* * *

Jay thanked Lexi for the coffee she handed to him as she sat cross legged on the sofa beside him. Now he was sat beside her she felt ridiculous for having called him in the first place. She knew she had to talk about it though, had to tell someone how she was feeling, say the words aloud. Talk to someone she thought would understand, talk to someone she trusted, who wouldn’t judge her. Lexi looked at the clock on the wall that read two thirty-five a.m. “It’s officially no longer my birthday” she smiled sheepishly looking at the coffee mug she held on her lap.

“You made it” Jay joked nudging her leg with his arm. “You survived”

“I think that’s the problem” she explained looking up at him tears pooling in her eyes. He locked eyes with her, yet she had to look away. She tilted her head back not allowing the tears to fall, she sniffed stifling the waterworks. “I’ve been having nightmares, a lot, the last few weeks” she described composing herself and placing her coffee mug on the table, so she was able to use her hands to run over her face.

Jay put a reassuring hand on her knee and watched as she stared through him, her eyes distant and unfocused. “What nightmares? What happens?”

“It’s pretty much always the same.” She continued “Calvin hurts Shay or you, my parents, Kelly. I’m always too late, I can’t stop it. I want so bad to go after him, make him pay for what he’s done” she couldn’t hide the spiteful anger that bubbled in her voice. “But I don’t. I stay, I try to help fix whatever damage he has done. Then I look down and it’s me, I’ve caused the damage and by trying to fix it I make it worse. But it’s never me, it’s never me that’s hurt, when I’m the one who deserves it most”

“You don’t deserve it Lex. You don’t deserve anything of what happened to you” Jay told her shaking her leg slightly trying to get her to look at him. It didn’t work, she was lost in a memory, a memory of her nightmares.

Jay had to get through to her, had to make her see blaming herself wasn’t the answer, she wasn’t to blame. “A lot of horrible things happened when I was overseas.” Jay began gaining her attention. She focused on him, gazing in to each other eyes, seeing each other’s broken souls, seeing one another’s internal scars. “The war was a part of my life. But it’s not who I am. Just like what happened to you, what you did to Calvin, is a part of your life. Maybe it always will be. But it’s not who you are Lex”

He searched her eyes for understanding as his words sunk in. The realisation that he was right took hold and her suppressed tears finally fell. “I can tell you exactly who you are” he said turning in his seat facing her. “You are kind, independent, compassionate, strong, loyal, stubborn” that earnt him a weak smile “honest, sometimes to a fault”

Lexi laughed aloud, it was true, she was sometimes too honest for her own good. “You forgot generous, sweet and funny” she quipped wiping her tear-soaked cheeks with the back of her hand.

“Humble too” he joked as she inhaled deeply. “You’re one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met, Lex, inside and out”

If that’s who Jay thought she was, if that’s how Jay saw her, then to hell with the rest of the world.

Lexi leant forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Thank you” she whispered as he slinked his arms around her waist. Lexi began retreating from the embrace sooner than Jay was ready to let go of her, she kissed his cheek gently as she pulled away.

He tried to hide his disappointment with a wide smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I should let you get some sleep” he said standing up and stretching his arms over his head.

It was Lexi’s turn to be disappointed, she had been hoping he would want to talk about them. Discuss their relationship, sort through everything. She stood from the sofa slowly. “Is that really what you want to do? Leave?”

Jay shook his head lowering his arms and looking at her. “No” he admitted without hesitation. “What I really want to do is kiss you and tell you I love you, but I get the feeling that’s not what you want”

“It is what I want” she said, he took a step toward her, taking her words as an invitation to do exactly what he said he wanted to do, but she took a step back inching away from him.

Jay threw his hands in the air exasperated and then let them drop to his side again, “sure seems like it” he sat back on the couch running his hands over his head.

She heaved a heavy sigh watching him. She tried to speak three times and stopped herself wanting to ask the question on her mind the right way, she opted for; “Are we friends? Before anything else, before being partners at work, before we were together, we’re friend’s, right?”

Confusion clouded his features as he looked at her. His tone suggested how ridiculous he thought the question was. “Yes” he answered almost rudely wondering where this conversation was going.

“So why when you got the call to go to Vegas, why was your first thought to break up with me?” She asked, her voice conveying the hurt she felt. “To push me away? Cut me off?”

“I don’t…” Jay tried to explain but couldn’t find the words. “I didn’t want…”

Lexi interrupted him thinking she had found the words for him. “Was it because you met someone and wanted to screw her without feeling guilty?” 

“No” he said loudly standing up abruptly. “God is that what you think of me?” his shoulders sagged, looking at the floor. Looking in her eyes might give him an answer he didn’t want, an answer he wasn’t ready for.

Lexi shook her head her lips in a straight line. “I saw the pretty, brunette woman you said goodbye to. She was cute.”

“She’s nobody”

Lexi didn’t quite believe him plus he hadn’t denied he had slept with the pretty brunette. She didn’t want to push it any further or fight with him. “I’m not looking for a fight, I’m just trying to understand”

Jay inhaled and exhaled slowly. He knew he had to give her something, try to make her understand or he would lose her, she would believe he had broken up with her just so he could sleep around. “Sykes was my Colonel” he informed her. “I’d had other Colonel’s, but he wasn’t like the others. He was always the first one out the door, last one home. Never asked us to do anything he wouldn’t do himself. He was the guy I’d go to when I was having a tough time, missing home.” Lexi studied him as his eyes glazed over, his mind going back to the day he was talking about. “On my second tour, we were on a recon mission, supposed to be a routine check of an abandoned village, make sure everyone had been evacuated safely. Only they hadn’t, he saw the gun before I did, and he pushed me out the way. He took a bullet for me, if he hadn’t it would have hit me square between the eyes”

Lexi’s sharp in take of breath at the thought of Jay losing his life bought Jay back to the room and he looked at her. “He survived, but he had to take honourable discharge on medical grounds. Every time I spoke to him after he sounded different, distant, like he had given up”

Lexi crossed the room and hugged him remembering the sound of Jay’s voice on the message he had left for her, the message that had sent her racing to Las Vegas. Maybe if she hadn’t had gone when she did Jay wouldn’t be there. “I felt, I feel guilty every time I think about it.” Jay spoke in to her shoulder holding her tightly against him. “Being at his funeral bought it all back. I didn’t want to be a burden on you.”

Lexi pulled back to look in his eyes but kept her arms around him. “You’re never a burden to me Jay, never. Why couldn’t you tell me all this at the time?”

“You’d been through enough” Jay stated. “You were in a good place. Calvin was behind you, you were healing. I didn’t want to ruin that”

“I was in a good place because of you Jay, because of us!” Lexi wanted to shake him to make him see sense, how did he not understand that she was better when she was with him. Why wouldn’t he let her be that for him too?

“I love you Lex and I’m sorry” he told her speaking lightly. “I’m sorry I pushed you away”

Lexi leaned in and kissed him tenderly. “I love you too”

“Can we work this out? Can you forgive me?”

“I need you to promise me two things.” She agreed “One, no more pushing me away, lean on me when you need me”

“I promise” he said kissing her quickly.

“Two, we both go to weekly therapy sessions. We’ll find a group, we’ll go together”

“Done” he nodded, she widened her eyes at him waiting to hear the magic words. “I promise”

* * *

**Friday January 25 th \- Night**

“Lex come on” Jay called impatiently walking in to her bedroom. “We need to be on the road already”

“Where are we even going?” She asked folding a pair of jeans in to the small suitcase that lay open on her bed. “You still haven’t told me”  
  
He wore a devilish grin as he slowly wrapped his arms around her waist. “Somewhere you won’t require that many clothes”

“Mmm, I like the sound of that” Lexi agreed as he kissed her neck softly.

He stood up straight pulling away from her. “You have five minutes to be in the car”

“Or what?” Lexi scoffed looking sceptical “what will you do if I’m not in the car in five minutes?”

He smirked motioning up and down his body. “I’ll deny you all of this” Lexi laughed loudly throwing a pair of rolled up socks at him as he exited the bedroom.

* * *

Lexi sat on the dock watching the silver of the moon shimmer in the lake. Her legs dangling over the edge, not quite reaching the water below. Jay had surprised her, telling her to pack a weekend bag then drove them to his grandfathers’ cabin.

They had eaten dinner at a diner stopping half way through the three-hour drive. They had arrived at the cabin about an hour ago, Jay had wanted to take a shower. It had been a long day at work, and he wanted to scrub off the day. A mischievous smile played on her lips as she thought about their earlier encounter in the shower.

Lexi couldn’t believe how much had happened since she had last been at the cabin. How much had changed in such a short space of time. She had been broken and confused the first time she had been there. She had just suffered the loss of her sister, learnt of Kelly’s cheating resulting in their breakup and kissed Jay in his kitchen.

Now she was in a better place, emotionally. She was happy, as much as it made her feel guilty to admit it, she was happy. She had Jay, her and Kelly were on better terms, friends even and she had avenged Shay’s death. Nothing was perfect, far from it, she still had nightmares, still had moments she felt like curling up in to a ball to crush the pain she felt in her chest, to stop the heartache that overwhelmed her but she was dealing with it all, focusing on dealing with it one day at a time when she could, and one hour at a time when she struggled.

She heard the gravel crunch underfoot as Jay walked toward her from the cabin. She felt the pressure of the thick, heavy, blanket he draped over her shoulders. “Happy belated birthday” Jay said sitting down and offering his closed hand to her as he pulled the blanket around himself too.

Lexi held her hand out and he dropped his army issued dog tags in to her palm. “I want you to keep them for me” he explained closing her fingers around them. “I wore them every day whilst I served and for a long time after. Some days they were the only thing that reminded me who I was…who I was when I enlisted. I don’t need the reminder anymore, I’m not who I was back then, I’m better, I’m the new and improved Jay Halstead and it’s because of you”

Lexi was speechless, she knew the significance of him giving her his dog tags, they contained vital information, his name, social security number, blood type and religious beliefs. But that wasn’t his identity anymore, he was more than that, more than the boy who went to war for his country, he was the man who came home. She kissed him passionately not being able to find the words. 

Jay’s cell phone ringing in his pocket interrupted them. Jay growled taking it out and checking the caller ID, “Abby” flashed on his screen before he declined the call. He apologised turning back to Lexi, “Now, where were we?” he asked reclaiming her mouth.


	3. Lies

**Author note** : Some dialogue and ideas taken from Chicago PD season 4 episode 17 – “Remember the Devil”

* * *

**Tuesday January 29th - Morning.**

Lexi entered the kitchen in the Intelligence Unit as Jay closed the fridge. She took a mug from the cupboard and poured herself a coffee. “We got a warrant for the chop shop” Lexi informed Jay as he stirred his coffee.

Jay nodded putting the used spoon in to the sink. “Are you working at Molly’s tonight or can you come over?” he asked wrapping his arms around her waist as she stirred sugar in to her coffee.

Lexi put one arm around his neck. “We spent the entire weekend together, not sick of me yet?”

“Never” Jay said leaning in and stealing a quick kiss.

“Hey, this is a place of business” Platt interrupted walking in to the kitchen “Keep it in your pants Detective’s.” Platt scolded them stepping aside to reveal Will behind her.

Lexi laughed at being told off as Jay unwrapped himself from around her. She sipped her coffee trying to look innocent as she walked to the door. “Doctor Halstead” Lexi greeted walking past Will following Platt out of the room. 

“Hey Lex” Will said watching her walk to sit at her desk. “So” Will began clearing his throat as Jay poured him a coffee in a to a paper cup. “Abby tracked me down.”

Jay looked towards the door to check Lexi wasn’t close by, he could see her sitting at her desk. Abby was one of Jay’s ranger friends, he had worked alongside her on two of his deployments. He had also dated her for three months, taking her home to meet his family twice during that time.

“Yeah, I probably should've warned you.” Jay explained handing Will his coffee. “She called me a few times too.”

“All right, so you knew she was in Chicago.”

“She's here?” Jay asked clearly surprised.

“Yes, she's here.” Will nodded wide-eyed, “She's looking for you.”

“Jay, we gotta go” Lexi called passing the kitchen door without stopping.

“Yeah, ok” Jay acknowledged loudly, then lowering his voice to ask Will. “Did she say why she’s looking for me?”

“No” Will advised sipping his coffee, “but an ex-girlfriend constantly calling and showing up out of the blue, I can’t imagine it’s anything good. Does Lexi know about the two of you?”

“Um, no, nothing.” Jay said putting his mug down smiling apprehensively “I gotta go.”

“All right” Will told him as Jay passed him leaving the kitchen.

* * *

Lexi and Jay exited the car outside the district returning from executing the warrant at the chop shop. “Um, I'll meet you inside.” Jay told Lexi looking towards the brunette woman standing by the chain link gate entrance to the car park.

“What are you signing autographs?” Lexi asked eyeing the woman, thinking she looked vaguely familiar.

Jay laughed “I'll explain later. I'll meet you inside.” he watched Lexi walk in to the district before approaching the brunette woman who watched him walk towards her. “Abby, what are you doing here?”

“Just waiting for you.” Abby answered smiling sweetly at him.

“Uh well, it's negative 5 out. You want to talk inside?” Jay offered nodding toward the district.

Abby smiled appreciatively following him in to the building. “Gonna lock me up?” she asked looking at the holding cell as she followed Jay inside.

Jay asked chuckling at her joke, “Do I need to?”

“I'm good.”

Jay walked to the middle of the room and turned to look at her. “So, what's up?” he asked putting his hands in to the pockets of his jeans. 

“I’ve been trying to call you.” Abby began

“I know I’m sorry, I just needed time to…”

“I get it” she smiled at him “distance” Jay smiled nodding, glad for the fact he didn’t need to explain his thought process. “Well, the reason why I had to see you is I need you to sign our divorce papers.”

“Whoa” Jay said looking confused. “Am I hallucinating right now? Did you say divorce papers?”

Abby grinned at his shocked expression. “Well, if you had answered my calls you’d know when I got back to Philly after Vegas, I found our marriage papers”

“Wow.” Jay ran his hands through his hair, if his eyes grew any wider, they would pop out of his head. “I don’t even remember…”

“It was two nights before you went home, Wilson figured we all needed to loosen up a little.” Abby explained flatly. “We all popped a couple pills of god knows what”

“Shit” 

“Oh, don't be so dramatic.” Abby said rolling her eyes at him. “Just sign the papers and I'm gone.”

Jay was panicking, he had got married to an ex-girlfriend under the influence of alcohol and drugs. How would he explain that to Lexi? “Um, sure, yeah. Where am I signing? Let's do it.”

“Well, I-I don't walk around with divorce papers. How about a drink?” Jay looked sceptical, what was this exactly? Abby sensed his reluctance. “Oh, come on, I'm in town for two days.”

“Um yeah, sure. All right.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Let's get a drink.”

* * *

**Tuesday January 29 th \- Night.**

Lexi handed Will his beer across the bar. “Thanks” he smiled handing her the money. “Where’s half price Halstead?” Will asked as Lexi turned to put the money in the cash register.

Lexi laughed with him. “I don’t know, said he’d be here after the gym but thought he’d be here by now” Lexi explained handing Will his change. Will took his drink back to the table with his Chicago Med colleagues.

Lexi took her phone from her pocket and called Jay. His voicemail picked up the call after four rings, she hung up and sent a message.

**Lexi:** You can’t be pumping that much iron? *laughing face emoji* Where you at?

She put her phone back in her pocket and served two other people before Jay replied.

**Jay:** Having a drink with Will, be there soon.

Lexi’s heart sank to her feet as she looked across Molly’s at Will, sat at the table with his colleagues drinking. Jay had lied to her, why? Maybe it had something to do with this Abby who kept calling his phone.

Whilst they were at the cabin, Lexi had noticed a few calls and messages from “Abby” on Jay’s phone whilst he was in her shower. She had waited for him to tell her who she was, but he hadn’t mentioned anything about it.

**Lexi:** Actually, I’m really tired, might just call it a night.

**Jay:** Ok, see you at Jerry’s at 9?

**Lexi:** Sure.

**Jay** : Night. X

**Lexi:** Night x

* * *

  **Author note:** Some dialogue and ideas taken from Chicago PD season 4 episode 17 – “Remember the Devil”

* * *

Jay sat at the bar with Abby beside him. He had met her in a bar on the river front. He didn’t think Molly’s was the place to sign his divorce papers. “Wilson is running through the showers wearing nothing but a Kevlar vest, right?” Jay reminisced laughing.

“Well, the lieutenant said, "All outdoor activities to be conducted in body armour.” Abby giggled and leant towards him a little. “Do you remember, he had his girlfriend's name tattooed on his ass?”

“Did he tell you that was his girlfriend? That was his dog's name.”

They laughed together at the memory of their comrade “That actually makes more sense.” Abby smirked. “I could do another one of these.” She indicated towards their drinks and looked down the bar to get the attendants attention.

“Um, no, I shouldn't.” he told her taking his phone from his pocket. He replied to Lexi’s message telling her would see her at Jerry’s in the morning for breakfast.

“Gotta get to the barracks?” Abby joked motioning towards his phone.

Jay smiled “No, I’m good”

“Another drink?” 

“I really shouldn’t. Besides, we didn't drink enough back then?” he suggested smiling cheekily, drinking is what had led them to getting married.

“See, I think we could've drunk a little more.” She told him “Maybe fixed things.”

Jay understood what she meant. They had been in a relationship whilst they were serving. Abby had kept him at arm’s length, always worried something bad was going to happen. The environment they were in meant it was possible one of them would die at any given second. It made emotions run high and relationships tough to deal with. They spent most of the time arguing and then making up. They hadn’t seen each other for a few years until the funeral in Vegas.

“It's good seeing you. I didn't think it would be.” Abby admitted

Jay felt a little uncomfortable. He didn’t like Abby’s tone of voice, like she was about to break down, he couldn’t deal with it. “Um, I should probably sign the papers and get going though.”

“I don't have them.” She confessed speaking quickly. She stared in to his eyes as she spoke, tears welling up in her eyes. “I never told you that I loved you. Even the day that we got married. Didn't feel right. But I did. I really did.”

“I know you did” Jay nodded. “you didn’t need to tell me, I knew”

“I was pregnant” she began the tears escaping from her eyes. “I’d been back home a couple weeks when I found out. I quit my job, packed up my house and I was coming here, to tell you, to be with you.” she half joked “I got in to a car accident on the way and I miscarried”

“Oh god Abby” Jay couldn’t stop the tears that brimmed in his eyes “I’m sorry. If I had known…” he began reaching for her hand. What was he going to say? If he had known what would he have done?

Abby took his hands in hers. “I didn’t want to tell you after that. I didn’t want to upset your world for a what would have been”

Jay exhaled deeply, “I don’t know what to say”

“There’s nothing to say” Abby assured him a sad smile on her lips. “Maybe we can fix it now though, now I’m here in Chicago”

Jay smiled awkwardly, “Abby, you deserve all the happiness and love in the world” he said putting a sympathetic hand on her shoulder “I’m just not the guy to give it to you”

* * *

**Wednesday January 30 th \- Morning.**

Lexi sat in her and Jay’s booth at Jerry’s waiting for him to arrive. She had barely slept, worrying and wondering why Jay had lied to her. Lexi didn’t think he was cheating, but there was a niggling doubt in the back of her mind.

Lexi scrutinised Jay as he entered Jerry’s. He smiled broadly when he saw her. He didn’t look upset or worried, maybe him lying to her had been necessary at the time and he was going to explain everything to her now. “Hey” he said leaning down to kiss her.

“Morning” Lexi smiled as he sat on the other side of the booth. The waitress bought Jay a coffee and they ordered their usual breakfast.

Jay reached over the table and took Lexi’s hand in his. “I missed you last night” he confessed smiling affectionately.

“I missed you too” she told him. Now was the time to ask him, ask him who Abby was, where had he been last night? Why had he lied to her? But she wanted to be smart about it, didn’t want to start an unnecessary argument or accuse of him of anything before giving him chance to explain himself. “I thought I was seeing you last night.”

“Yeah sorry” Jay began pulling his hand back across the table and avoiding eye contact as he spoke. “Will called me when I was in the gym, I met him for a drink”

Lexi shook her head and laughed inappropriately at his blatant lie. He had lied to her face. She stood from the booth, “You’re a shitty liar Jay Halstead” Lexi growled at him as she passed him and walked out of the diner.

Lexi marched to her car, fury boiling inside of her. She heard Jay calling her name as he raced after her. “Lexi would you hold up?” he asked chasing after her.

“LEX” Jay shouted seemingly confused at her abrupt exit. 

Lexi opened her car door, ready to get in and drive away. She slammed the door shut and walked to stand in front of him. “Whose Abby?” she spat at him angrily. Jay looked confused and then worried, prompting Lexi to elaborate. “She's been blowing up your phone, sent, like, five texts while you were in the shower last week. I’ve been waiting for you to tell me who this chick is, but it looks like I'm just gonna have to ask.”

Jay’s face screamed guilt. “Um Abby ran Cultural Support on my last tour in Kandahar. We dated for a while, it didn’t work out, she redeployed, and I went home. I hadn’t seen her for a few years until Vegas.”

Lexi didn’t like where this was going, swallowing a fearful lump, inhaling and exhaling deeply, trying to stay calm.

Jay played with the gravel on the floor, anything to avoid looking at her. “Um, you know I was, like, blacking out most nights, and we were both pretty shook up after Sykes. We’d popped a couple pills and, um, we got married.” Jay chuckled nervously again. “It was a total joke.”

Lexi didn’t share his humour and remained straight faced. “Jay, you married this girl! You never told me. In fact, your exact words were ‘she’s nobody’. Were you ever going to tell me?”

“There was nothing to tell” Jay said shaking his head.

“Where were you last night?” she asked unable to mask the accusing tone to her voice, Jay opened his mouth to respond but Lexi interrupted before he could talk “and don’t lie to me again, you weren’t with Will. He was in Molly’s” Jay looked immediately guilt-ridden, knowing he had been caught out. He sighed and his downcast eyes told her all she needed to know as he kicked the gravel. “Nothing?” Lexi asked “Really? Can’t think of another lie? Unbelievable!”

Lexi opened her car door and got in starting the engine, Jay grabbed the car door before she could close it. “Wait, let me explain” he said leaning over the top of the door.

“Go ahead” Lexi said looking up at him from her seat.

Jay sighed trying to find the words. He wasn’t ready to explain, he couldn’t quite explain to her yet, he wasn’t sure he understood it yet. Lexi waited gazing at him, he looked conflicted, he was struggling to talk to her.

“You know, no response is also a response!” Lexi told him trying to get any reaction from him. He just stared down at her. “Good talk” she remarked pulling the door closed before driving away leaving Jay stood in a cloud of dust her car had kicked up in the gravel car park.

* * *

**Sunday February 3 rd \- Evening.**

Lexi put her earphones in and pressed play on her phone that was strapped to her arm. Her rock playlist filled her ears drowning out the sound of the gym around her. She turned to the bag in front of her, positioned her feet and threw her first right hook, connecting with the hard bag felt good.

She found her rhythm, left, right, left, right, right, left, right, left, left. The music filled her ears, the simple punching motion cleared her mind. She hadn’t been to the gym in a while, she had been recovering from her injury and Will had advised she stay away from extensive exercise for a while, but she needed it today. It had been almost three days since her argument with Jay about Abby, she hadn’t spoken to him, they had kept it all completely work related whilst on shift, trying their hardest to be civil to one another.

Lexi’s breathing increased as she exerted herself. The sweat began to trickle down her back, and she could feel the sweat beads break out on her forehead.

Curiosity had prevailed, getting the better of her. Lexi had looked Abby up on the police database and stalked her on social media. Abby McSweeney, was a grief counsellor, specialising in ex-military and victims of horrendous attacks, she was single, if you didn’t include the fact she was still married to Jay. There was a marriage licence, but no divorce paperwork filed. Maybe that’s why Jay had lied, he didn’t know how to tell her he was still married? Maybe seeing Abby had stirred up old feelings? Whatever it was, Lexi didn’t feel there was any good reason to justify him lying to her.

Lexi slammed her fist in to the punch bag and watched someone’s arms catch it as it swung away from her. Lexi followed the arms up to see Kelly smiling at her. She pulled her earphones out as he asked, “Bad day?”

Lexi stood up straight breathing heavily. “Something like that”

Kelly was sweating too, he must have finished his work out. “You allowed to be beating this bag up?” Kelly nodded towards the 5-inch scar on her stomach. “Thought Doctor Halstead told you to take it easy”

“It’s been like eight weeks, I’ve got to stop taking it easy at some point” she told him taking the towel he offered to her as she paused her music.

Kelly eyed her phone and read the name of the band as the phone lit up at being touched. “Thirty Seconds to Mars” Kelly noted locking eyes with her. Lexi smiled and averted her eyes, shyly, knowing he knew it was her go to music when she was pissed off or had something on her mind. Pummelling a punch bag and rock music were her therapy. “Wanna talk about it?”

“Not really” Kelly was the last person she wanted to talk to about Jay being married. She could just imagine the smirk he would wear, the ‘he’s-not-so-perfect-after-all-I-told-you-so’ tone his voice would exude.

“Trouble in paradise” he quipped. The fact she didn’t want to talk told him everything he needed to know.

Lexi threw the towel back at him “Jerk.” Kelly laughed catching the towel before it hit the floor.

Lexi glanced at the clock on the wall. “Shit” she said seeing it was seven fifteen. She had lost track of time, too deep in her thoughts. “I’m due at Molly’s in like forty minutes. Give me a ride back?” Lexi had jogged the three blocks to the gym.

“Sure” he said stepping around the bag to stand in front of her “I’ll even buy you a drink and you can _not_ tell me all about it”  

* * *

“Couldn’t even get the door for me” Lexi joked shaking her head in mock disbelief as she got out of Kelly’s Mustang in Molly’s car park. “Always the gentleman!” she scoffed laughing.

Kelly laughed following her in to the door that lead to her apartment. Lexi threw her bag at the bottom of the stairs then opened the other door that lead in to Molly’s. She held the door open and motioned for Kelly to go through first. “Door holding privileges are reserved for girlfriends, you’re just a friend” Kelly quipped laughing as he walked through.

Lexi followed laughing “look at Kelly Severide making jokes about a bad situation”

Kelly looked back at her shrugging as he walked to Boden and Matt down the bar as Lexi walked behind the bar “What can I say? I’ve grown”

Lexi laughed before apologising to Gabby for being late and kissing her cheek.

* * *

Jay sat a table in Molly’s with Will. He sipped his beer, keeping an eye on the door that lead to Lexi’s apartment, he was positive she was supposed to be working tonight. She normally started at eight, it was eight fifteen and she wasn’t behind the bar. He wasn’t sure why he wanted to see her, they hadn’t spoken about their relationship, and he didn’t intend to talk to her. He still didn’t know what to say.

“Earth to Jay” Will said clicking his fingers in front of Jay’s face. “Where’d you go?”

“Sorry” Jay said looking back at his brother, before something caught his eye where he had been watching for Lexi. Kelly smiling and laughing walked in to the bar coming from the direction of Lexi’s apartment. Kelly walked to Matt and Boden who were sat at the bar and ordered his drinks from Gabby. Lexi followed a couple seconds later laughing too as she rushed behind the bar, her hair wet and pulled in to a loose pony tail, the t-shirt she wore had two wet patches one on the arm and another on the back, it looked like she had just had a shower and rushed to get dressed, not worrying about drying herself off completely.

“It doesn’t mean anything” Will assured Jay after following Jay’s eyeline and realising what Jay must have been thinking.

* * *

“Sorry Gabby” Lexi said kissing her cheek as she walked behind the bar. “I lost track of time”

“Don’t sweat it, it’s quiet” Gabby assured her pouring a whiskey on the rocks and two shots of tequila as ordered by Kelly.

Lexi carried the shots and put them on the bar in front of Kelly as Gabby gave him his whiskey and took the money from him. Kelly picked up a shot and handed it to Lexi, holding his up “to not talking about it” Kelly laughed

Lexi smirked good naturedly and held her glass up, clinking his glass “and to growth” they both downed their shot at the same time.

Lexi took the used glasses to the sink, Gabby following her “Jay is watching you” she whispered to her.

Lexi rolled her eyes keeping her focus on the task at hand. “Good for him.”

“You still not spoken to him?” Gabby asked glancing quickly over at Jay, now pretending to focus on Will and whatever they were talking about. Gabby could see his eyes flickering over to Lexi every couple of seconds.

Lexi shook her head “nope” she was cleaning the already clean glasses, trying to focus on anything except Jay. “We’ve kept it somewhat civil at work other than that nothing.”

“I don’t get it” Gabby said glancing over again

“Would you stop looking over there, he’s going to know we’re talking about him”

Gabby continued talking. “Some five-minute ex-wife shows up and then he starts lying to you”

“Not his ex-wife” Lexi informed her putting the now clean glasses on the shelf. “Curiosity got the better of me.” Lexi said shrugging unashamedly. “I checked, there’s a marriage licence but no divorce registered”

“What he’s still…” Gabby’s shocked voice raised in volume.

Lexi interrupted her “ssshhh” she warned, not wanting to draw attention to them or for Kelly, Matt or Wallace to overhear their conversation.

Matt caught Lexi’s attention waving her over to order more drinks. “What can I get you?” Lexi asked approaching them.

Matt didn’t get chance to answer as Gabby called Lexi’s name. “Lex” Gabby called to get her attention and nodded in the direction of Jay’s table when Lexi looked at her. Lexi followed Gabby’s gaze to see the woman she now knew to be Abby walking to Jay’s table with purpose.

Matt, Boden and Kelly all turned to see what the girls were staring at as Abby approached the table kissing Will’s cheek and then hugging Jay as he stood to greet her.

Lexi watched the interaction and wanted so badly to punch something. “I got this” Gabby told Lexi as Will guided Abby to the chair beside Jay.

“It’s fine” Lexi told her plastering on her best fake smile as Will walked towards her.

* * *

“I’m going to get a drink” Abby said coming out of her embrace with Jay and pointing at the bar “either of you want anything?” Abby offered taking a few steps toward the bar.

“Why don’t you let me?” Will suggested standing up quickly and guiding Abby by her shoulders to the chair beside Jay.

“Okay,” Abby agreed suspiciously however allowing Will to lead her to the chair “vodka soda please”

* * *

Will approached the bar and Lexi met him on the other side. His smile was awkward and apologetic. “Let me guess” Lexi initiated “Jay’s _wife_ wants a vodka soda and you want two beers?” no longer caring who heard now, she was too pissed off to care.

“Please” Will confirmed.

Kelly stifled a cough as he almost choked on a sip of whiskey he had taken. Gabby snorted a laugh at Lexi guessing the drink correctly.

“Did she say wife?” Matt asked Gabby looking completely stunned as Lexi began preparing Will’s drink order with a little too much force, banging glasses and bottles as she used them. Gabby nodded her confirmation to Matt’s question chewing her bottom lip, Gabby was just as angry at Jay as Lexi was, angry at him for her hurting her friend.  

Lexi slammed the beers on the bar in front of Will making the liquid spill out. “Don’t shoot the messenger” Will said holding his hands up before handing her the cash.

“Don’t remind me I have a gun” Lexi warned slamming the vodka soda on the bar making the ice clink against sides and liquid splash out of the glass.

“No wonder you didn’t want to talk about it” Kelly remarked looking at Lexi.

Lexi chuckled wiping down the bar, she chewed the inside of her cheek, half smiling at Kelly’s remark. “I’ll shoot you too Severide” she cautioned laughing “I have some legitimate reasons that I could explain away with temporary insanity” The group laughed with her.

“Hey Herrmann” Gabby called looking around Lexi at the other end of the bar, “what’re you doing here?”

“I had a fight with Cindy” Herrmann explained walking down the bar to them. “Thought I should make myself disappear for a while”

“Lex, you can take off” Gabby told her “if Herrmann’s here we can manage, its quiet”

“You sure?” Lexi asked throwing down the cloth she had been using sighing with relief. She didn’t want to watch Jay with Abby.  

“Yeah” Herrmann agreed with Gabby

“You don’t need to be seeing that” Gabby nodded towards Jay’s table. Lexi kissed Gabby’s cheek as she thanked her.

* * *

“Maybe we should make this a short visit” Will suggested giving Jay and Abby their drinks as he sat down.

Jay glanced over to the bar and saw Lexi smiling at Kelly. Jay knew the smile well, it was the smile she wore when she was acting sweet but was threatening you. Everyone laughed at whatever she had said.

“So, I have some good news” Abby said bringing Jay’s focus back to the table. “I’ve been offered a promotion”

“Congratulations” Jay said raising his beer bottle and clinking her glass as did Will. Jay watched Lexi walk out of the bar towards her apartment.

“It means I’ll be staying in Chicago” Abby explained.

Jay heard her but he wasn’t listening as he watched Kelly walk towards Lexi’s apartment door. “That’s great” he said standing up “I’ll be back in a sec” Jay excused himself walking away from the table.

* * *

Lexi opened the door at the bottom of the stairs that led to her apartment to see Kelly. “What’s up?” she asked leaning on the door. 

“I know you don’t want to talk about anything” Kelly began “but you know I’m here if you change your mind, we’re friends”

“No offence buddy” Lexi’s tone was jovial “but your kind of the last person I’d want to speak to about any of it”

Kelly sniggered amused “No offence taken. How about we not talk about it on a run tomorrow morning before shift?”

Lexi nodded, “You’re on.” She smiled whole heartedly, a run would do her some good. Get her out of the house, out of her own head, give her something else to focus on. 

Kelly began walking back in to Molly’s “I’ll pick you up at Five”

“Six” Lexi corrected starting to close the door.

“Five thirty” Kelly compromised as Jay walked around the corner towards the toilet at the other end of the corridor.

Lexi suspected he didn’t need to use the bathroom he had just walked that way to spy on Kelly and her. Jay pushed the bathroom door open and made eye contact with Lexi as she closed her apartment door.

Jay looked to Kelly who wore a condescending smirk. “Told you I’d be there the second you screwed up” Kelly confirmed shrugging unapologetically. Jay wasn’t in the mood for a fight, he pushed the bathroom door open and went in.


	4. Emily

**Monday February 4 th \- Morning.**

Lexi jogged at a steady pace, the flow of cold air in her lungs felt good, the crisp air stinging her face was oddly pleasant. Kelly kept pace beside her, neither of them talking, just enjoying the bright morning winter sun.

They had been jogging for about forty minutes. Running by the river side had been something they regularly did with Shay. They would all set their alarms to wake early and jog by the river before eating breakfast together in a diner not far from the water front. It had been a while since Lexi had been there, it held too many memories of Shay. But she had forgotten how beautiful it was, especially with the low sun shimmering off the water.

Lexi ran to the red railings of the river and stopped, she had done enough, she was quite breathless, she didn’t want to overdo it. “You okay?” Kelly asked jogging on the spot beside her to keep his heartrate up.

Lexi nodded holding her injured side. “Yeah it just aches a little” 

Kelly nodded “okay, I’m gonna do a couple more circuits” he told her reaching in to his pocket and taking out his car keys. He had picked Lexi up and drove them there. “I’ll meet you at the car” he told her handing her the keys before taking off running.

Lexi admired the view as she watched Kelly jog away and pick up his pace, she had obviously been going too slow for him. Kelly turned and jogged backwards, grinning at her “Stop looking at my ass.”

Lexi shrugged shamelessly laughing at the fact he had known she had been checking him out without even looking at her. She focused back on the water as Kelly turned to continue his jog. She stood admiring the slow-moving water for a few minutes, catching her breath.

When her breathing had returned to normal, she took a slow walk toward where Kelly’s car was parked.

Lexi passed an old, rusted iron gate that she guessed was something to do with the river maintenance and the bridge above her. The gate was slightly ajar. She and Kelly had passed by it three times on the circuit they had ran and she hadn’t noticed it being open before. Maybe she just hadn’t been paying that close attention before, maybe a homeless person had gone in there to shelter from the cold. Her gut told her something was off.

She pulled it open a bit more and the rusted metal squeaked loudly, echoing in the space beyond it. Lexi stepped over the threshold and instinctively put her hand to her hip, a force of habit, reaching for her weapon. She realised she didn’t have her gun.

“Hello” she called in to the dark space. She didn’t want to go in there, not without a gun or back-up, but she swore she heard a small whimper. “Chicago PD.” Lexi called loudly “I’m going to need you to come out slowly” her echo was the only response.

Lexi entered slowly, a 15-foot dark, slim tunnel awaited her, Lexi could see the splashes of daylight after the thin tunnel. The daylight being interrupted and kept disappearing as the cars passed over above it. She walked slowly allowing her eyes to adjust to the dark, she kept her back to the wall. One foot over the other “Chicago PD” she announced again.

She heard movement ahead, it sounded like two people in a struggle, muffled angry voices. Lexi walked faster as she heard the small, meek, female voice call out “Help.”

She reached the daylight lit opening, a metal staircase leading up to the road to her left. A pair of naked female legs, lay on the cold concrete floor under the stairs, wearing a pair of pink running shoes. The top half of the body shrouded in the darkness of the stairs.

Lexi took a step towards the stairs and was instantly pulled back by hands around her throat. The hands squeezed hard, constricting her air way, black spots appeared in her vision immediately as she felt her blood pulsating in her temples.

Lexi used Kelly’s car keys that she held and stabbed them in to the assailant’s hand, the grip on her throat loosened as the assailant yelled out in pain. Instinct took over Lexi pushed back with all her might and felt as her assaulter hit the wall, she used the momentum and continued stepping back, before throwing her head up and in to the nose or mouth of her attacker. The grip on her throat disappeared and she spun on her heels gasping for breath and simultaneously throwing a right punch which the perpetrator ducked, simultaneously punching her in the gut, in to her still healing stab wound courtesy of Calvin Poe.

Lexi doubled over the air having left her lungs as the culprit ran towards the exit. Lexi hesitated a few seconds at most, gasping for breath, then gave chase, bursting out of the gate on to the main walk way almost colliding with a female jogger. “Where did he go?” Lexi asked quickly. The jogger pointed up to the main road way and Lexi knew she was too far behind to catch him, she had the victim to think about. “I’m a Detective with Chicago PD, I need you to call 911. Tell them Detective Shay badge number…”

“Lexi” Kelly said running to stand beside her. Lexi had never been so relieved to see him “Your bleeding” Kelly acknowledged concerned as he looked at her neck.

Lexi touched her neck and saw blood on her fingers. “It’s not mine” Lexi said turning back to go to the victim. She heard Kelly following her, dialling 911 on his cell phone as he did.

By the time Lexi returned to the victim, the girl had managed to crawl from under the stairs and was in a small circle of light. The victim was lying on her back, arms splayed either side of her. There was a lot of blood on the right side of her head, soaking her blonde hair, her shirt and bra had been torn, she was naked from the waist down expect her pink running shoes. Lexi imagined she was a pretty girl when she wasn’t covered in blood, or her face wasn’t swelling from the beating she had endured.

“Hey” Lexi said softly kneeling beside the girl she estimated to be about sixteen years old. The girl’s eyes shot open and she looked panicked, Lexi spoke quickly and softly, “I’m a Detective with Chicago PD” Lexi explained taking the girls hand. “You’re okay, it’s okay. He’s gone. Help’s on the way.”

The girl’s eyes softened, Lexi could tell the girl believed her, she trusted her. “I’m going to flag down the ambo” Kelly advised taking off his jacket and handing it to Lexi before walking back down the tunnel.

Lexi put the jacket over the girl, covering her modesty, “what’s your name?” Lexi asked 

“Emily” Emily told her shivering.

“Emily, my name’s Lexi” she told her unzipping her own jacket putting it over Emily’s chest. “Help’s on the way, just stay awake” Lexi wanted to stroke her hair from her face, reassure her, but she didn’t want to tamper with any evidence. She was taking a risk by holding her hand.

“Don’t leave me” Emily began crying.

“I’m not going anywhere sweetheart. I’m right here.” Lexi assured her “Can you tell me what happened?”

“I was running…” Emily inhaled sharply, pain and shock beginning to set in. “He cut my ear…” her face scrunched with pain and she tried raising her hand to her ear.

Lexi stopped her grabbing her hand before she reached the side of her head, the amount of blood on her head Lexi assumed her ear was severely damaged or no longer attached, she spoke soothingly. “It’s okay, it’s okay. Helps on the way. Just breath, keep breathing” Lexi heard voices and foot-steps approaching, help had arrived.

The paramedics entered carrying their bags and knelt beside Emily introducing themselves. Lexi reluctantly let go of Emily’s hand to make room for the paramedics.

* * *

 A patrol car had arrived with the ambulance and Lexi had given them orders to seal area off the area so no one could cross in to the crime scene, she had had one of the patrol officers contact the intelligence unit and the crime scene unit. 

Kelly had made the officer call another ambulance to check on Lexi. Lexi knew the team would need a breakdown as to what had happened so refused the leave the scene until they arrived. Though she was anxious to get to the hospital to check on Emily.

Lexi sat on the back of the ambulance crossing her arms over her chest, the combination of the sports bra she wore, the cold air and the adrenaline having drained from her system made her feel like her bones were cold. The paramedics had checked her over and given her an ice pack for her throat, which Kelly held against her neck for her, standing in front of her, he used his other hand to run up and down Lexi’s bare arm to try to rub some warmth in to her. Neither of them had their jackets having given them to Emily.

Lexi shivered again, her teeth chattering. “Come here” Kelly said pulling her closer to him, Lexi kept her arms crossed and allowed Kelly to hug her, trying to give her some of his body heat. 

Sirens approached and Lexi watched as the intelligence unit cars all screeched to a halt behind the ambulance.

The team exited the cars and rushed towards her fronted by Dawson. Lexi pulled away from Kelly and stood up. “Fill us in” Hank demanded.

Jay pushed past Atwater and Burgess and stepped to Lexi, he put his fingers under her chin, lifting her head up and moving it slowly from left to right assessing her neck.  “What the hell?” he asked seeing the developing red hand-prints that wrapped around her throat.

“I’m fine” Lexi explained clearing her throat and swallowing. It was beginning to hurt; her throat was becoming sore from the trauma. She stepped back from Jay. “We need to put out a BOLO on Kelly’s car, the perp stole it” she explained. Atwater pulled Kelly aside taking the details of his car.

“What have we got here?” Ruzek enquired

“Rape, assault, maybe attempted murder, he beat her pretty bad” Lexi took a deep breath “and he cut off her fucking ear!”

“Walk us through this” Olinsky commanded sharing Lexi’s rage.

Lexi motioned for them all to follow her as she walked them back down to where the crime had taken place, talking as they all followed, she explained. “I’d stopped running, stood by the water front for a minute whilst Kelly did another circuit. He gave me his car keys and I took a slow walk back to where it was parked. I passed the gate and saw it was open. We’d passed it a few times already and I knew it hadn’t been open before. I called out, announced I was with CPD, heard nothing back. I opened the gate a little more and I heard a cry or something. I called out again then I heard a commotion and a girl called for help.” Lexi stopped by the gate leading to the crime scene. “I went in and saw her legs poking out from under a set of stairs, I went to approach and someone grabbed me around the throat. I stabbed him in the hand with Kelly’s car keys, we fought, I headbutted him” Lexi turned her head slightly to show the blood in her hair where she had connected with the perps nose or mouth “he punched me in the gut and made a run for it, by the time I caught my breath, I was too far behind him to give chase. I looked for the car key and couldn’t find it, Kelly went to check, and the car was gone. The key must have been stuck in his hand and he used it as a getaway”

“Did you speak to the victim?” Burgess asked

“Her name’s Emily, she can’t be older than 17, but that’s all I got before paramedics arrived”

“Okay” Hank used his authoritative voice. “Jay get Lexi to med, you need to get checked out.” Hank told her as she began to protest “I’ll send CSU to you, you’re a walking crime scene.”

Lexi had had direct contact with the assailant, she had dried blood in her hair that belonged to him, she had blood on her neck that potentially could have been from where she had stabbed him or Emily’s blood that had been on his hands that he had transferred to Lexi when he strangled her. It could all help to identify him.

“I want to be the one to talk to Emily” Lexi demanded.

“Fine” Voight agreed “After the docs check you out, that doesn’t look good” he motioned toward her neck. “Ruzek I want every camera in a ten-block radius with footage of the last twenty-four hours, he could have been prowling the area.” Hank continued dishing out assignments as Jay and Lexi walked back to the main road.

They walked side by side slowly, Lexi’s side hurt, she looked down at her eight-week-old wound and could already see the bruise forming around it. Jay tugged on her elbow as he stopped walking before they reached the main road, “hold up a second” Lexi stopped and turned to face him. Jay ran his hand from her elbow to her hand. “Are you ok?”  

“Suddenly you care?” Lexi remarked yanking her hand away from him and crossing her arms over her chest.

“I never stopped caring”

“What did stop?” Now wasn’t the time or place to be discussing their relationship but if Jay was going to talk to her, open up, Lexi wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity. “Something happened, like literally overnight something changed and I’ve no idea what it was”

“Me either” Jay said putting his hands in his jean’s pockets “I’m still trying to figure it out myself”

What was she supposed to do with that? If he didn’t know what was wrong how could they fix it? The wind picked up and Lexi shivered as it swirled around her, Jay didn’t seem to have anything else to say and she was too cold to stand around, she turned and began walking back to the main road.

* * *

 Lexi sat on the hospital bed, her legs dangling off the side. A crime scene technician had been to see her and taken swabs of the blood in her hair and around her neck, photographed her injuries and taken her clothes as evidence. She had been able to keep her underwear and the hospital had provided her with an unflattering gown.

They hadn’t spoke on the car ride to the hospital. Lexi’s throat hurt and Jay didn’t know what to say. Jay stood leaning against the wall in the hospital room behind her, he asked, “Are we over?”

Lexi swung her legs back and forth slowly, focusing on her legs, she didn’t turn to look at him, she wasn’t sure she could look at him without breaking down. She exhaled loudly not knowing how to answer.

“There’s my favourite patient” Will announced entering the room putting on a pair of gloves. Will placed a pair of scrubs that he held under his arm on to the bed. “Thought you’d be comfier in these”

Lexi smiled thankful to have something to change in to, instead of the standard issue gown. “Thanks Doc” she swung her legs up on to the bed lying flat so Will could examine her.

Will gently lifted her gown to expose her side. He didn’t need to touch the wound to know it was tender and causing her pain, the red and purple bruise that had formed told him it was sore. “What happened to taking it easy?” Will reprimanded gently pressing the wound to ensure no blood or puss seeped out.

“In my defence, I was taking it easy” Lexi winced at the pain as Will pressed the wound. “I didn’t plan on getting in to a fight”

Jay scoffed, “Running with Kelly isn’t taking it easy.”

“I want you to have a scan” Will explained ignoring Jay’s remark as did Lexi. “check for internal damage and I want to run some tests for…” Will looked up at Jay, technically what he was about to say should be in the doctor patient confidentiality clause. He wasn’t sure Lexi would want Jay to hear it.

“Just say it” Lexi advised him knowing it was going to be bad news.

Will sighed unhappily taking off the gloves. “I think we should check your reproductive system” Will clarified trying to sound professional and unemotional, it wasn’t an easy thing to say to his friend. “With the stress you’ve been through and all the trauma to your stomach the last few weeks, I think there could be some permanent damage. When was your last cycle?”

Lexi sat up slowly, was Will really suggesting she may not be able to have children? She cleared her throat, then swallowed, she felt like she was swallowing glass. “Before Shay…um, three, four months, give or take.” Lexi had thought the stress had made her miss a few menstrual cycles, it never occurred to her that she could have suffered permanent damage from Calvin’s attack.

“I’ll put a rush on the scan, so you can get out of here.” Will told her smiling sympathetically “I’m going to send a nurse in, take some bloods, I can have the results in a couple days”

“Thanks” Lexi said forcing a smile.   

* * *

 Lexi’s scan had showed no internal damage from the day’s trauma, she had asked the nurses about Emily and they had advised she was in surgery repairing the damage to her ear. Lexi asked them to contact her the second she was out of surgery and then made Jay take her home so she could take a shower and get some real clothes.

They rode in silence from the hospital to Lexi’s apartment. Jay pulled in to the parking lot and killed the engine. Neither one of them made a move to get out of the car. Lexi stared at the dashboard, she wanted to say something, or she wanted Jay to say something, tell her it was all going to be okay? Tell her it wouldn’t matter if she couldn’t have children? She wasn’t even sure she wanted children.

After her unplanned pregnancy and the devastation of losing her and Kelly’s unborn child, she and Kelly had sat down and discussed children. At the time, they decided together neither of them were ready for kids, they wanted to focus on their soon to be marriage, and careers therefore, they took the necessary precautions to stop another unexpected pregnancy from happening. They had never discussed the subject again, they both thought it would come up later in life once they were married.

Lexi and Jay had never discussed children whilst they were together, it was way too early in their relationship and there was too much going on to think about the distant future. But Lexi knew Jay wanted children, he would make an amazing father.

Lexi put her hand on the handle of the door ready to get out. “I’m still married” Jay blurted out.

She let go of the door, “I know” she stared straight ahead again.

“I was with Abby, when I told you I was with Will” Jay confessed staring out of the windshield.

“I know” Lexi didn’t know for certain, but it didn’t take a genius to figure it out.

“I don’t know why I lied. I don’t know why I didn’t just tell you. Nothing happened”

“Nothing happened at the bar” Lexi clarified for him. “But it did in Vegas, right?” she couldn’t look at him, couldn’t face the confirmation in his eyes. “You slept with her right? Whether you remember it or not she told you it happened.”

Jay’s response was a huge miserable sigh.

Lexi couldn’t help the humourless laugh that escaped her lips. This was karma biting her in the ass, karma for kissing Kelly whilst being with Jay. She wasn’t even angry with Jay for sleeping with someone else, technically he had broken up with her, but it didn’t stop the hurt, the tightness in her chest. 

“At the bar we were talking about old times, reminiscing, drinking.” Jay continued staring out of the window, he put his head back on the seat. “She told me she was pregnant, after Kandahar…she got in to an accident…” he paused not sure where he was going with this. “I felt guilty, for not being there for her.”

“So now you feel like you owe her something?” Lexi asked.

“I don’t know…” Jay admitted. “It stirred up old feelings. Feelings I thought I had dealt with, not for her, I know that much but… Um who I was back then, I'm not proud of it, and I know you think that everything's behind me and I did for a minute but it’s not.”

“And you need to be alone to deal with it” Lexi stated rather than asked. She knew exactly what he was feeling, she had felt the same after the Calvin Poe drama, but she had stayed with Jay because she needed him more than she needed to be alone. “I get it, I hate it, but I understand it”

“I love you” he told her finally turning his head to look at her, “that hasn’t changed”

“I love you too” the small smile she mustered up didn’t reach her eyes “and I’m always going to be here for you”

“I’m not asking you to wait for me”

Lexi nodded “I know, but you’re my family, that hasn’t changed either”

“I’m sorry”

“Me too” Lexi told him before opening the car door and stepping out.

* * *

  **Author Note:** Some dialogue and ideas taken from Chicago PD Season 1 Episode 6 “Conventions”

* * *

  **Monday February 4 th \- Afternoon. **

Lexi knocked then entered Emily’s hospital room followed by Jay. “Hi, I’m…” Lexi began

“Lexi” Emily interrupted her smiling, “I remember”

Lexi smiled as the blonde woman who had been sat in a chair beside the bed stood and pulled Lexi in to a tight hug. “Thank you” the woman began to cry “you saved her life” Lexi hugged the lady, giving her a minute to compose herself. “I’m Emily’s mother, Vanessa” Vanessa advised as she let go of Lexi and sat back in the chair.

“I'm Lexi, Detective Shay, and this is Detective Halstead” Lexi explained for Vanessa’s benefit. Lexi stood beside Emily’s bed and assessed her face, there wasn’t an unbruised spot, one eye was swollen completely shut, her lips had swollen, the left side of her head was bandaged where her ear had been cut off.

“I’d stand up and hug you” Emily told her “but I’m not allowed out of bed, worried about concussion”

Lexi smiled and sat on the edge of the bed taking her hand in hers. “I’ll make you a deal” Lexi began looking in to the girl’s good eye. “You take a couple days to get better, follow doctors’ orders and you can hug me when you walk out of here!”

“Deal” Emily smiled broadly, Lexi liked this girl, it must have hurt to smile the amount of bruising to her face, but she did it, she was a fighter. “Is your neck ok?”

“My neck is fine” Lexi assured her.

“Takes more than a bit of strangulation to take her down!” Jay commented winking when Emily looked at him. “She’s tough, like you.” Everyone chuckled and then silence fell over them. It was time for the hard part.

Emily broke the silence. “I'll do whatever I can to help you catch him.”

The determination in Emily’s eyes made Lexi’s eyes well up a little, she was proud of this young girl. Lexi cleared her throat hiding the sudden rush of emotion. “All right. Thank you.”

“Can you take us through what happened?” Jay asked.

“I'm on the soccer team at school, so I like to get a run in before school.” Emily explained. “I cut through Riverwalk the way I do every day, and out of nowhere, this guy appears in a brown hoodie with a mask on.”

“Did he say anything?”

“Just to shut up and not scream. He put a hand over my mouth, and he dragged me to where Lexi found me. And then he yanked my sweats and underwear down, and that's when… that's when he did it.”

Lexi’s blood boiled, this young, sweet girl should not have to be recounting her own rape to the police, she should be at school, worrying about grades, boys or girls, friends and soccer practise. Lexi asked, “Is there anything that you could see on him scars, tattoos, a birthmark?”

“No.”

“What about height and weight?” Jay queried.

“He was about you're height, maybe a little heavier than you. He had brown eyes, and I saw some of his hair. It was dirty blonde…he told me I had been a good girl, so he’d make it quick, wouldn’t let me suffer. I didn’t understand what he was talking about because he had already you know…then he took his knife out and something kicked in.” Emily’s eyes shone with determination and anger “We just had this self-defence class at school, and the instructor lady said that if you don't remember anything else, you should slap, grab, twist, and pull. And that's what I did.”

“Good.” Lexi said through gritted teeth, she hated seeing this girl suffer. “I'm glad you did. When that happened, were you able to scratch his face or…”

“I got my thumbnail inside his eye” Emily explained nodding to show she was confident she had hurt him. “His right eye, deep. He screamed, and he fell off me, and, I tried to run but he grabbed me and hit me, kept hitting me. I just kept willing myself to not pass out, I didn’t want to pass out, then you called out...if you hadn’t had been there…”

“Don’t” Lexi cut off Emily’s morbid train of thought. “You’re a fighter, everything you did you saved yourself, you’d have got away even if I wasn’t there”

 Emily smiled sheepishly at the compliment and looked down at her hands. “He didn't break me. I want him to know that.”

Lexi understood exactly what she meant, he had beaten her, taken some of the innocence from her youth, violated her but he hadn’t broken her spirit. “He will.” Lexi advised “I’ll make sure of it”


	5. Rooftops

**Author Note:** Some dialogue and ideas taken from Chicago PD Season 1 Episode 6 “Conventions”

* * *

**Monday February 4 th \- Afternoon.**

“Great, just in time” Voight said walking out of his office as Lexi and Jay ascended the stairs of the intelligence unit. “We picked a guy up at Riverwalk.”

“Traffic cams put him there at the time of the attack” Ruzek continued explaining “and he was back there this afternoon, maybe he wanted to relive it all, see all the fuss he had caused”

“He’s in room three, want to take a stab at him?” Voight asked Lexi, knowing she would take a personal interest in the case.

“Don’t tempt me” Lexi told him taking her gun from her belt and putting it in the top draw of her desk before walking to the interrogation rooms.

Jay, Hank and Dawson followed her. Lexi could see the guy sat at the table as she watched through the glass. He was in his late twenties, black spiked hair, dressed like he was still living in the 90s, oversized colourful clothes. “That’s not him” Lexi told them “look at his hands” the guy had small delicate hands. “his fingers are too skinny” she pointed to the hand marks around her neck.

“Yeah Sarge, the victim, Emily, she said she damaged his right eye too” Jay advised. The 90s boyband wannabe had no damage to his face whatsoever. “He’s not the guy”

“He’s right” Atwater confirmed entering the room carrying the tablet he had been using. “Meet Theo Mitchell” he pointed to the guy in the other room showing them the mug shot on the screen. “I don't think he's our guy.”

“Based on?” Voight questioned

“Found four wallets and three watches on him.” Atwater elaborated. “He's a pickpocket, a purse-snatcher. Four arrests in the last ten years along those lines. Nothing violent no rape, no murder, not even a sexual assault.”

“He still may have seen something” Lexi suggested walking in to the room.

Theo immediately began talking at volume “This is a railroad, man. Unbelievable. I would never hurt a woman, never.” He wanted to tell his story to everyone he could, Lexi was a new face he could try to gain sympathy from.

“I'm inclined to believe you.” Lexi told him sitting in the chair across the table from him as Hank followed her in and stood beside her.

“Then what the hell am I doing here getting looked at for it?”

Lexi ignored his question. “Riverwalk's your turf for pulling crimes, right? Looks like you've had pretty fertile grounds for a while.”

“Oh, oh, okay, I get it. Threaten me with rape, attempted murder, and then admitting to boosting some wallets seems tame by comparison. You know what? I'm out of here.” Theo decided standing from his chair.

“No, you're not.” Voight said grabbing his arm and pushing him back in to the chair. Theo sat down without protest.

“Since you basically live there, sizing people up and then ripping them off,” Lexi started “I'm thinking maybe you could help us find who did hurt that girl because in my experience a cheetah always knows where the hyena is.”

Theo smiled at appreciatively at Lexi. “I like that analogy. You went jungle on me.”

“Early this morning, just after 6:00 A.M., around East Lake close your eyes and think.” She instructed him.

“There was this dude like, 6:00 A.M in running gear, but he was just stretching the whole time.” Theo remembered “just looking around. I remember thinking he was either a criminal or a cop, but I ain't ever seen a cop with a watch that nice, though.”

“He was wearing green shorts, right?” Lexi asked Theo “over black leggings?”

“Yeah, yeah” Theo said excitedly sitting forward on his chair.

“I saw him” Lexi banged the table with her fist as she stood up to leave the room.

* * *

Hank followed her, Jay, Dawson and Atwater met them in the corridor. “I ran right past him!” Lexi explained running her hands through her hair. How had she not remembered him earlier? He had seemed so unsuspecting, normal, friendly even. “Me and Kelly made a joke about him having all the gear and no idea. It was all brand-new stuff, like he’d literally just walked out the shop wearing it.”

“You weren’t to know” Dawson tried to reassure her.

“He smiled at us!” Lexi told Dawson staring him dead in the eye “he smiled at us and said good morning like he was Joe freaking friendly! He was young, no older than twenty-five. Could tell he worked out though, broad shoulders.”

“You didn’t know what he was going to do”

“I’m a cop,” Lexi told him “I should have known he was up to no good” she said walking back towards the main floor.

“Atwater release that idiot” Hank pointed towards the room Theo currently occupied.

Lexi sat behind her desk ready to begin watching camera footage of the Riverwalk. Hank stood in front of her desk. “The Doc give you the all clear?”

“Yeah” Lexi told him quickly glancing at him then back at her screen.

Voight turned to look at Jay knowing Jay would tell him the truth. “Light duties” Jay repeated Will’s orders walking to sit at his desk.

“Your benched” Voight said loudly ensuring everyone heard his command. “Desk duties, footwork, leave the heavy lifting to us”

Lexi knew he meant she could do the paperwork, interview people but nothing that might involve pursuits, or require psychical activity. “Fine!” Lexi huffed as Voight walked in to his office. “Snitch” Lexi joked throwing a pen at Jay.

* * *

**Monday February 4 th \- Evening.**

Lexi sat at her breakfast bar with a glass of red wine and a CPD tablet in front her, scrolling through mug shots. The traffic cams had picked up the Riverwalk attacker as they were now calling him, but he had been smart enough to obstruct his face. Except for one instance, where the wind had caught his hood and blown it down before he caught it and pulled it back up. They had a partial of his face and were running it through facial recognition, but it was taking too long.

Lexi had been looking at mug shots all afternoon in the office and when she had had enough, she had taken the tablet home to continue.

She took the last sip of wine from her glass and swiped to the next picture as her phone chimed and showed a message from Kelly.

**Kelly:** How you feeling?

**Lexi:** Pissed off.

**Kelly:** Tequila pissed off or punch bag and rock music pissed off?

**Lexi:** I need Shay kind of pissed off.

A wave of sadness passed over Lexi, she missed her sister. She wanted to speak to her, tell her what had been going on in her life, more now than ever before.  

**Kelly:** Rooftop? Come to Molly’s. Bring your car keys.

She couldn’t look at anymore criminals, the bright screen and the stress of the day were giving her a headache anyway. She shut down the tablet and left it on the counter top next to her empty glass and half empty bottle of wine, grabbed her keys and jacket from the table by the door and left her apartment locking the door behind her.

* * *

Lexi looked around for Kelly as Gabby approached her from behind the bar. “Wow” Gabby commented pointing at her neck “Kelly said it was bad, but that looks painful”

Lexi put her hand to her throat having forgot about the red, purple bruising hand prints that wrapped around her neck. “I’ve had worse” 

“Hey” Kelly said appearing beside her. “You ready?”

Gabby put a shot of tequila on the bar, Lexi threw it back. “I am now, you’re driving” she told him handing him her car keys.

Kelly walked through Molly’s to the door, Lexi following him. He smiled over his shoulder as he pushed the door open. “By the way you owe me a gym bag with all the gear and a car”

“Is that so?” Lexi laughed following Kelly to her car.

“Yeah” he confirmed opening the driver door and getting in. “My bag was in the trunk and you used the key as a weapon”

“Oh, I apologise for using your car as a survival tactic, next time I’ll just let the guy kill me” Lexi said sarcastically getting in the seat beside him.

“Always so dramatic” Kelly joked shaking his head as he started the car’s engine.

* * *

Lexi took the offered keys from Kelly as they sat in her parked car outside their old apartment building. “Take all the time you need”

“I haven’t…” Lexi cleared her throat nervously playing with the keys in her hand. “um, I’ve haven’t tried to talk to her since…”

"It’s easier than you think” Kelly told her softly. “Once I started, I couldn’t stop.” Lexi rested her head on the chair behind her. “You don’t have to talk. Just go up there, it might make you feel better”

“Come with me?” Lexi asked.

“Sure” Kelly confirmed taking off his seatbelt.

* * *

Being on the rooftop did make Lexi feel better. Being up high made her realise how insignificant some things could be. Lexi breathed in the cold night air and closed her eyes, the ice-cold air felt good on her damaged throat. Kelly stood beside her.

“I never thanked you for letting me use your cabin” Lexi began. Kelly watched her talking with her eyes closed. The cold air made her breath visible. “Or the blood transfusions. So, thank you”

“Don’t mention it”

Lexi focused on him. “I’m sorry to hear the cabin burnt down” Lexi had told Kelly that she would need to destroy the cabin after she had used it. Not immediately after as it would look suspicious if it were ever looked in to. Traffic cameras would show her arriving and leaving and then the cabin burning to the ground would look suspicious.

“Yeah real shame that” Kelly agreed smiling. “So I guess you owe me a gym bag, a car and a cabin”

Lexi sniggered “you want some blood too?” 

Kelly shrugged chuckling “I guess if you got some spare” They laughed together. Lexi sighed deeply looking back out at the night. “Talk to me Lex” he pleaded “I don’t like seeing you unhappy. I can be Shay. Who better to give you advise than the person Shay gave the most advise too?”

She giggled quickly. Could she really talk to Kelly about all her problems? Breaking up with Jay? The possibility of not being able to have children? She had filled Kelly in on the Riverwalk case on the way over. “I saw the victim earlier, she was so strong” Lexi told him. “She wasn’t upset, or angry she was matter of fact, telling us exactly what we needed to know. I don’t know how she did it, I don’t think I could have done the same. When I realised we had seen the guy, the potential suspect, my first thought was your cabin. What I would do to him if I could take him there”

“That’s understandable”

“No, it isn’t” she sighed. “I’m a cop, I’m not supposed to think like that”

Kelly shrugged unaffected by her confession. “So, you’re more like Voight than Antonio, that’s not such a bad thing” Kelly was right, Voight was a good cop, he got the job done. Even if it meant he could get in to trouble, the job and justice, or Voight’s version of justice came first. “Some people don’t deserve justice”

“The lines between justice and vengeance are getting a little blurry lately” She confessed.

“I guess it’s a matter of opinion” he told her turning from the view of the Chicago night hoisting himself up to sit on the wall of the roof.

Lexi laughed, “now you sound like Voight.”

“Detective Severide at your service” Kelly did a small mocking bow making them both laugh.

Lexi shivered as the wind wiped around them. Kelly seized her right wrist and pulled her to stand in front of him, in between his open legs. He had expected her to pull back or move, when she didn’t, he put her right arm over his shoulder as she lifted her left arm and interlocked her fingers loosely behind his head. He placed his hands on her waist. “What else is going on?” he asked looking up at her.

She looked over his shoulder at the flashing lights of a distant air craft as she asked, “What makes you think there’s something else?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because your boyfriend is married, or should I take the fact your allowing me to touch you right now as all the answers I need?”

“I can move” Lexi said taking a small step to the left as Kelly laughed gripping her hips tighter to stop her. 

“Come on, let me help, let me in please”

Lexi’s long exhale showed she was feeling glum, fed up. She stared out at the night, avoiding making eye contact with him. “Jay is married” she started, “it was a Vegas thing, long story” she shrugged unemotionally “we have broken up, but I’m not even sure I completely understand why” she continued to watch the sky, watching flickering stars or planes, anything to keep from looking in to Kelly’s eyes. “Then when I was at the hospital today, Doctor Halstead suggested all the stress and trauma to my stomach could have caused me to be unable to have kids” she heard Kelly’s shocked, sharp in-take of breath at the news. “He’s running some tests”

“Lex…”

She interrupted him “I’m not even sure I ever wanted kids, you know?” He did know, they had discussed it at length whilst they were together. “But now the decision might have been made for me, I don’t know how to feel about it”

“You still don’t know for sure” Kelly reminded her “the doc could just be being over cautious.”

“Maybe”

Kelly put his hand under her chin and pulled her head down, forcing her to look at him. “I’ll come with you when he gives you the results,” Lexi nodded, she was thankful for the support “just let me know when”

Lexi smiled “Thanks Kelly.” The wind swept around them making some of Lexi’s loose hairs fly around her face, Kelly brushed the stray hairs behind her ear. Lexi watched as Kelly subconsciously licked his lips and his eyes darted from her eyes to her lips. “Don’t do it”

“Don’t do what?” Kelly asked quickly.

“I know what you’re thinking” her amused smile spreading to her eyes, “and I’m asking you not to do it”

“Oh yeah, what am I thinking?”

Lexi laughed. “You want to kiss me”

“So, what if I do” he asked inching his head closer to hers slowly. “Because I think you want to kiss me too”

Lexi pulled her head back a little further out of his reach. “I do” she confessed “but it would be for all the wrong reasons.” If she kissed Kelly it would be because it was nice to feel wanted, felt good to be desired, she wanted to feel something, anything other than the numb feeling she had had since her talk with Jay. That wasn’t fair to Kelly.   

“Sometimes the wrong reasons are the best ideas” he told her continuing to move closer to her.

Lexi giggled “You’re so che…” the rest of her words were lost against his mouth. She kissed him for a minute, it was a tender, sweet kiss. The kind that makes butterflies flutter around your stomach. She moved her arms from around his neck and put her palms flat against his chest pushing him back gently. They both opened their eyes looking at one another. “This doesn’t mean…”

“I know” Kelly interrupted her, knowing it was simply a kiss, maybe the start of something, but for now simply a kiss. “I just didn’t want our last kiss to be one you regretted”

Lexi understood what he meant. Their last two kisses had been under bad circumstance. One had been in Kelly’s kitchen, the one that photo evidence had been sent to Jay. The second had been Lexi kissing him on her birthday, trying to comfort him. Kelly didn’t want her to remember him as something she regretted, remember the bad times over all the good they had had. She did regret one of their last kisses, because it had hurt Jay, something she had never wanted to do.

“Well consider our last kiss non-regrettable” she told him stepping out of his arms. “Take me home?”

Kelly smiled and stood up “sure.”

* * *

**Tuesday February 5th - Morning.**

Early the next morning Jay leant against the railing of the Riverwalk bridge, watching the people passing him, walking to work, jogging, cycling, or running.

He was waiting for Lexi, knowing that’s where she would be. He had been stood there fifteen minutes before he caught sight of her jogging toward him. Her ponytail swinging from side to side with the motion, her cheeks were flushed red from the exertion and the cold weather. Her jacket was pulled up under her chin, hiding her bruised neck. She held a bottle of water in her left hand, and she drank from it as she ran.

Lexi scanned the faces of the people she passed, made a point to stare at any males jogging or walking. Her eyes landed on Jay when she was twenty foot from him, he smiled warmly as she jogged toward him. “Hey” Lexi panted stopping in front of him.

“Hey yourself” Jay said. “I’m assuming Hank and the team are scattered around keeping watch on you” he asked raising his eyebrows questioningly. He knew for a fact they weren’t, Lexi was taking a risk in running around Riverwalk without backup.

“Of course,” Lexi agreed smiling mischievously “I’ve got the whole of CPD on standby” she croaked out. Yesterday’s events had bruised her vocal cords. Her voice was distorted, she sounded husky, a few octaves short of sounding like Hank. She coughed as her talking scratched her throat.

“Wow” Jay remarked watching her take a drink from her bottle. “You have never sounded so sexy.” Lexi rolled her eyes at him laughing “quick, say something hot”

“How’s the wife?” Lexi quipped walking to the railing and putting her back against it so she could scan the passing people whilst they talked.

“Funny and sexy” Jay laughed standing beside her and studying the pedestrians.  

“So, you stalking me again?” she asked eyeing a male jogger.

“I came by your place and bought breakfast from Jerry’s.” Jay explained, “when you didn’t answer I figured you’d be here or the hospital.”

“Damn I missed out on Jerry’s pancakes”

“They were delicious as always”

They stood in silence for a few minutes watching as the Chicago people went about their day. Blissfully unaware of the crime that had taken place yesterday. “You ready to go?” Jay asked

Lexi sighed defeatedly, she knew it was a long shot, there was no guarantee the perpetrator would return to the same spot two consecutive days, especially after Lexi had interrupted and injured him, but she had had to try. “Yeah, I guess”

“Come on” he said standing up straight “I’ll walk you to your car, where is it parked?”

“I Uber’d here” she explained. “I leant my car to Kelly, until he can get a new one”

Jay nodded “I guess I’m your ride home then.” Lexi nodded agreement and stood up straight taking another sip of her water. They walked side by side. “Did you really think he’d come back here today?” Jay enquired.

Lexi exhaled sharply frustration evident. “No but I was hoping”

“You shouldn’t be here without backup, if Hank knew…”

She interrupted laughing. “You going to snitch on me again?”

“Oh, I haven’t decided yet.”

“Any way I can buy your silence?” 

“Depends” Jay began smirking cheekily at her as they walked “what’s on offer?”

“What would it take?”

“I’ll get back to you. I need to put some thought in to it” Jay laughed.

* * *

Jay had taken Lexi home so she could shower before going to the district. He sat on her couch whilst she was getting ready.

He had been so tempted to get in the shower with her. He had fought the urge to join her, it wouldn’t have been fair to either of them. He had broken up with her, it would have just confused matters.

He heard her bedroom door open and expected her to come out dressed and ready to go. He looked over the back of the couch and watched open-mouthed as she padded around the kitchen in a pair of black jeans and lace purple bra, her hair down and curly. Jay knew that Lexi knew that the bra and matching French knickers he was sure she wore under her jeans were his favourite set, he loved to see her wearing it. Lexi hadn’t mistakenly put the garments on, she was teasing him, maybe trying to make him realise what he was missing out on.

Jay watched her take a clean glass from the cupboard above the sink and fill it with water from the tap. She threw two pills in her mouth and washed them down grimacing as she swallowed. He knew her throat hurt more than she was letting on.

“Put your tongue away” Lexi giggled at him as he stood up from the couch. “It’s nothing you haven’t seen before” she reminded him.

“True but it still amazes me” he confessed walking in to the kitchen space “and you’ve given me an idea of how you can buy my silence” he licked his lips as he leant on the counter top beside her.

“You’re a married man” Lexi snickered at him sarcastically. “You should not be having any ideas or looking at other woman that way Mr Halstead” She chided playfully. She had to joke about him being married, about them not being together, it was laugh about it or cry about it. She didn’t have the energy for tears right now.

He cleared his throat and stepped closer to her “I can’t help it” he ran his fingers down her exposed arm.

She shivered at his touch, goose bumps broke out on her skin. She looked up at him through her lashes, knowing he would lean in to kiss her. Lexi’s phone blared out its ringtone from the breakfast bar. She sighed annoyed at the interruption but stepped away from him and answered the call. “Hey Kelly…ok, where? Give me twenty minutes” she ended the call. “Firehouse 51 just got called out to a vehicle fire, Kelly’ car” Lexi explained walking toward her bedroom to finish getting dressed.


	6. Mickey Mouse

**Tuesday February 5 th \- Morning**

Lexi was out of the car before Jay had pulled to a complete stop behind Hank’s pick-up truck. The area around Kelly’s car had been taped off by the police on scene, allowing truck 81 to douse the flames. The blue flashing lights were illuminating the neighbourhood and had drawn a crowd from their houses. The Squad 3 truck was parked on the other side of the road.

The car was still smoking as Lexi and Jay passed under the crime scene tape and walked to Al and Hank who were talking to Chief Boden by truck 81.  

“What do we know?” Lexi asked as Hank shook the Chief’s hand before he walked away.

“It was called in about half hour ago,” Al explained “Officer Williams was first on scene and of course nobody saw anything” he pointed around at all the house that looked directly on to the street.

Someone had seen something they just didn’t want to talk about it. Burgess and Ruzek were talking to Kelly by Squad 3. Atwater and Antonio talking to an elderly woman on her stoop, Lexi assumed she had been the one to report the burning car. 

“I bet they saw something” Lexi nodded toward a group of approximately twelve men and boys stood on the steps of a house about thirty feet from the end of the crime scene tape. A mix of white and black men, young and old, it was clearly their regular hang out.

“I bet they did” Hank agreed beginning to walk toward them.

Lexi grabbed his arm stopping him. “Sarge, let me, I’ll appeal to their softer side”

Hank eyed her for a second as she put on her sincerest smile. “Jay go with her”

Lexi and Jay approached the gang to sniggers and oinks, clearly they were fans of the police. Lexi noticed a younger boy, probably about fifteen years old, sat in the middle of the steps, the adults making a point to conceal him without trying to make it obvious that’s what they were doing.

“Here comes trouble” a brutish looking bald white guy announced as Jay and Lexi stepped on to the sidewalk in front of them.

“No trouble” Lexi told them once the group had quieted down. “I’m not even going to flash my badge”

“You can flash me anytime baby” the same guy propositioned, Lexi figured he was the leader. He was fashioning himself on Vin Diesel, bald, a tight white t-shirt to show off the pronounced muscles in his arms. Lexi knew his kind.

“What I will flash you is this” Lexi told him pulling down the collar of her coat to reveal the bruising around her neck. She slowly moved her head from side to side making sure each of them got a good look at it.

The laughs, sniggers and humour disappeared instantly. They may have been gang-bangers or thugs but they didn’t agree with hurting women.

“The same guy who stole that car,” Lexi pointed to Kelly’s smouldering car. “Gave me my new neck accessory after he raped, beat and permanently disfigured a sixteen-year-old girl.” Lexi paused allowing the information to sink in.

“I know you good fellas have all got sisters, mothers, girlfriends and I know you know something, or at least he does” Jay continued pointing through their legs to the young boy sat on the steps.

Lexi and Jay had worked this angle before, they wanted to appeal to their human side. They knew the type of people they were talking to would want revenge if it had happened to one of their relatives. Lexi started again staring directly at the leader. “I don’t give a shit if he stole the car from someone else cause I know he stole it after the fact, and I really don’t give a rats-ass about the dope you’ve all no doubt got in your pockets. What I do care about is catching this guy and giving him some new wrist accessories”

The group exchanged understanding and agreeing looks, all then looking toward the brutish leader for confirmation. “Craig” he called, the young boy immediately stood up and walked down the steps to stand beside the leader. Lexi figured they were brothers, now they were stood side by side you could see their resemblance. “Tell them what you know”

Craig looked up at his brother his eyes questioning if he really wanted him to tell the truth. “Craig” Lexi said gaining his attention “I don’t want you to testify, I don’t want you to identify anyone in a line up, as far as I’m concerned your names Mickey Mouse” Craig grinned at her as a few others in the crowd laughed. “Just tell me where you took the car from, I can do the rest”

“Outside a drug store on North Michigan late last night. Two white guys got out in a hurry, the driver was bleeding from his hand and his eye was messed up, the other one seemed mad at him” Craig described. “I figured they were too distracted and left the keys in the ignition, so I took it”

“What did they look like?” Lexi asked

“They looked the same, they must have been related. Preppy guys, like college kids, dirty blonde hair. Figured Daddy had bought them the car.”

“Was there anything in the car? Did you search it before you torched it?” Lexi knew they would have; the gang would have searched the car for anything valuable that they could sell before setting it alight. She didn’t believe for a second that Emily’s cut-off ear would have been in there, but she had to know.

Craig shook his head. “Just a gym bag in the trunk”

“Teddy” the leader said in a commanding tone. The guy who was obviously Teddy stood at the top of the stairs, opened the door of the house and stepped in. He appeared a second later carrying said gym bag. He passed it down the line of people until it was handed to Lexi.

“Thank you” Jay told them all. “You’ve been a massive help” 

Jay and Lexi turned to walk away “Hey” brutish called to get their attention, Jay and Lexi turned back to him and he walked to stand in front of them. “Get a picture of these guys, Craig will identify them for you” he advised holding his hand out for Lexi to shake.

Lexi reached in to her jacket pocket and took out one of her information cards, she handed it to him. “Thank you. If you think of anything else, please call me” she said respectfully shaking his offered hand.

“Mike” he introduced himself as he took the card before shaking Jay’s hand.

“Appreciate the help Mike” Lexi told him before walking back to the intelligence team who were congregating around Hank’s pick-up truck.

 “Drug store on North Michigan, two white males, driver had an injured hand and eye” Lexi summarised the information they had received.

“Ouch” Adam commented at the sound of her hoarse voice. “Super sexy though Lex” he added smiling cheekily. Lexi and Kim simultaneously punched him, each hitting one of his biceps. “OW” he complained loudly laughing as Jay high-fived him.

“Good work” Hank approved ignoring Adam’s comment. “Ruzek, Burgess get over there and get the footage. We can use pod footage follow them back as far as we can.” Hank walked around the pick-up truck to the driver’s door. “I want the rest of you back at the precinct”

Everyone broke away to go to their own cars. “Give me a sec” Lexi asked Jay holding Kelly’s gym bag up indicating she wanted to give it to him.

“Sure” Jay told her “I’ll be by the car” he walked away from her to stand in front of his car. He leant on the bonnet, his arms folded and watched the intelligence team drive away and Lexi cross the street to Kelly.

* * *

 “Hey” Lexi greeted Kelly who was stood by the Squad 3 truck.  
  
“Hey” he smiled happily.

Lexi handed Kelly his gym bag “one thing off the list of things I owe you” she smiled light-heartedly at him as he took it.

“Thanks” he looked over at his smouldering car. “I loved that car”

“Hey, just think of it as an excuse to go car shopping”

Kelly grinned “true, the 2018 model is out now too” his eyes lit up at the prospect of a higher specification of car. “Want to come with me?”

Lexi shook her head “No thanks” she laughed, “Do you not remember the fight we had whilst you were picking that one out?”

Kelly laughed too remembering the huge fight they had had over god knows what resulting in Lexi storming out of the dealership. “I remember the amazing make up sex more”

Lexi rolled her eyes at him. She tiptoed a little and kissed his cheek. “I didn’t say thank you for last night, it really helped” 

“Told you all the wrong reasons…” he grinned mischievously at her. She hadn’t meant the kiss she had meant the earlier bit but trust Kelly to only think of their kiss.

“See you later” she told him turning to walk back toward Jay, she knew he would be watching them, waiting on her.

“Wait I need a favour” Kelly said reaching for her arm to stop her from walking. Lexi stopped and looked back at him, he had put on his charming smile, she knew his favour would be a big one. “My Mom is in town, only for a couple hours” Kelly began explaining “her assistant screwed up and she’s got like a six-hour layover before her next flight. She wants to go to dinner,”

“Okay” Lexi drawled the word out unsure where he was going with this.

“It’s only I haven’t told her about us”

Lexi couldn’t believe he hadn’t told his Mom they broke up. It had been almost six months. “Kelly it’s been…”

 “I know, I know.” He interrupted her, “I kept meaning to, but I never knew how to bring it up and then it was just easier to let her believe everything was okay” he explained an innocent glint to his eyes. “Please, dinners on me”

“Damn right it is” Lexi agreed “and I’m ordering lobster”

Kelly stepped forward and kissed her cheek quickly “You can order two” he smiled “pick you up at seven thirty”

Lexi nodded laughing at the big grin he had on his face turning to walk back to Jay. “Seven thirty” she agreed over her shoulder.

Jay clenched his jaw watching Kelly kiss Lexi’s cheek and the grin on his face after made Jay believe Kelly was flirting with her. He hated it. Kelly had made it quite clear he was going to try to get Lexi back now they had broken up. Kelly wouldn’t waste any time in pursuing her.

Jay didn’t want to be the jealous ex-boyfriend but that’s exactly what he was. Jealous and angry, angry at himself, angry at Lexi. He had no right to be angry with Lexi, she had done nothing wrong.

* * *

**Tuesday February 5th - Afternoon.**

“Okay” Voight called loudly exiting his office later that day. “I want an update. Jay what do you and Lexi have?”

“Facial recognition failed, the partial wasn’t enough.” Jay explained. “Lexi is still looking through mug shots. I’m looking through footage, following Emily. She said she runs the same route every day, I’m trying to see if anyone has been watching her.”

Hank looked at Lexi sat at her desk holding an ice pack to her throat, “You okay?” he asked, she half smiled at him in answer not wanting to talk. Hank turned his attention back to the team. “Burgess, Ruzek?”

“We got the footage from the drug store,” Burgess began “they hid their faces again, but we’ve managed to follow the car back a couple hours but only main roads so far, we’re still piecing it together.”

“Okay, try and speed it up” Hank advised “Dawson, Atwater”

“We tracked down a few more of the people who were around the morning Emily was attacked” Atwater informed him “we’re headed over to interview another potential witness now”

“Come on guys” Hank said loudly annoyance clear in his voice “we need something more, we need to catch this guy before he does it again” he explained before walking back in to his office.

* * *

**Tuesday February 5th - Evening.**

A few hours later, most of the intelligence team had left for the evening. Antonio, Jay and Lexi were the only ones left on the floor, Hank was in his office. Antonio on the phone to one of his CI’s employing them to be on the look-out at Riverwalk for him. Lexi stood up, picking her jacket up from the back of her chair as she did. “You ready Jay?”

Jay looked up from his computer “Where we going?” he asked thinking maybe she had found a lead she wanted to follow or something.

“It’s Tuesday” she reminded him “If we leave now, we’ll only miss the first ten minutes.” She put on her coat and walked around her desk.

Now he understood what she was referring too. They had been attending a weekly PTSD therapy group together. He stood up and put on his jacket, “I didn’t think…”

“What you break up with me and suddenly I stop caring?” Lexi asked him “That’s not how this works.”

He followed her down the stairs of the district waving to Antonio as they left. “For the record I didn’t think you’d stop caring” Jay confirmed as they crossed the parking lot.

“We’re not together anymore Jay and I’m going to give you your space. I get that that’s what you need” Lexi explained striding toward his car. “But I’m not going to stop being your friend”

Jay stopped as they reached his car, she stood on the passenger side looking over the roof at him. “I don’t want you to stop being my friend” He confirmed “I just didn’t think you’d want to be around me, if you don’t have to be”

“I always want to be around you” Lexi confessed. Her eyes downcast, looking at her hand on the door handle of the car. She shouldn’t have said that, she was supposed to be giving him space, time to deal with his issues, not putting pressure on him.

* * *

“Me too” Jay agreed seeing she had become somewhat shy after her confession. She looked up at him again “That’s what makes all this so damn hard” 

Lexi had had to rush to get ready for her dinner date with Kelly and his Mom after getting home from the therapy session with Jay. She had been ten minutes late for her seven thirty pick up time, but she was now sat in the back of a cab with Kelly on route to meet Kelly’s Mother, Jennifer, for dinner. “So, let’s lay down some rules” Lexi began

“Rules?” Kelly questioned snickering at her.

“Yes, rules and just for the record, this isn’t a date”

Kelly rolled his eyes “Déjà vu” he remarked. “That’s exactly what you said to me on our first date”

Lexi laughed remembering their first date. Kelly had paid Shay to let him have her ticket to a show and dinner with Lexi. He had lied to Lexi telling her Shay had had to work late. “Rule number one, keep your hands to yourself. I know how your hands like to wander at dinner tables”

Kelly laughed loudly, it was true, on many occasions he had allowed his hands to stroll up Lexi’s legs and thighs when they were out, and she was wearing a skirt or dress. “That why you opted for the pants?” Kelly quipped looking down at the black suit trousers she wore as the cab pulled over outside the restaurant.

Lexi stood on the sidewalk waiting for Kelly to pay the cab driver. “Oh damn” she said rummaging around in her purse for her ring. She had taken her engagement ring off the chain earlier and dropped it in her purse. She found what she was looking for as Kelly stepped in front of her, she pulled her hand from her bag and held it up to show Kelly she was wearing her engagement ring again. “All about the details, right?”

He took her hand looking at the ring on her finger again. He swore his heart stopped for a second, if they had been alone and not on the street, he may have allowed the tears that welled in his eyes to fall. He took a deep breath and looked up at her smiling, “Looks good on you”

Lexi smiled back but didn’t comment. “Rule number two,” she began “After tonight, you have to tell her”

Kelly’s smile disappeared as he stood in front of her. He looked down the street, avoiding looking at Lexi. “I don’t want to disappoint her. Have her think I’m like Benny.”

“HEY” Lexi raised her voice irritation leaking through her tone. She took both of Kelly’s hands in hers, she didn’t like him comparing himself to Benny. “You are nothing like your Father.” She told him staring him dead in the eyes. “Absolutely nothing. You made a mistake Kelly. One mistake”

Kelly half smiled and sighed sadly “A mistake big enough to make you take that off” he said holding her hand up and nodding toward her engagement ring.

Lexi didn’t know what to say, it was a big mistake and it had led her to remove her engagement ring, that was true. Maybe she had made mistakes too, maybe running away to Jay’s cabin had been a mistake? Maybe she should have stayed and tried to work it out with Kelly. But then if she had, her and Jay never would have happened, or maybe it would have, maybe she would have been the cheater, the one to break them up?

“Come on,” Kelly began breaking her train of thought “Mom’s waving at me through the window” he said waving back over Lexi’s shoulder.

Lexi took a deep centering breath. “Let’s do this”

Kelly leant in and kissed her lips softly. He was smirking when she opened her eyes “You said keep my hands to myself” he advised “you said nothing about my lips”

Lexi laughed at his cockiness turning to walk in to the restaurant with him still holding his hand. “Just for that I’m ordering champagne too”

Kelly laughed aloud holding the door for her to enter “whatever your heart desires, fiancé”


	7. Dinner Dates

**Chapter 7 – Dinner Dates.**

**Tuesday February 5th - Evening.**

"Lexi" Jennifer said fondly embracing who she thought to be her future daughter-in-law.

"Hi Jennifer" Lexi smiled hugging Jennifer. She had always liked Kelly's mother. She was a sweet, yet tough woman. Lexi became a little blue at the thought that Jennifer wouldn't ever be her mother in law.

"Hi Mom" Kelly said kissing his mother's cheek before hugging her.

"What happened to your neck?" Jennifer asked Lexi concern written all over her face as they took their seats.

"I got too close to a case" Lexi explained. She had purposely worn her hair down to try to hide the bruising and had applied some make-up, but the bruises were too deep to cover completely. Plus, her husky voice gave it away.

The waiter approached giving Lexi an excuse not to have to explain any further. "Can I get you some drinks?"

"A bottle of your finest champagne for my two favourite ladies please" Kelly ordered smiling at Lexi.

"Oh fancy" Jennifer commented "What are we celebrating? Have you two finally set a date?" she asked excitement flashing in her eyes.

Lexi and Kelly laughed together. "I just want to treat you both, show you both how much I love you." Kelly advised putting his hand on Lexi's leg and squeezing her knee tenderly.

Lexi cleared her throat and took a sip of water that had already been poured in to their glasses. Lexi felt instantly guilty for lying to Jennifer, pretending everything was normal, it wasn't fair to her, but Lexi would go along with it for Kelly's sake. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

"Excuse me ladies," Kelly said standing from his chair after they had finished their main courses.

Lexi watched Kelly walk toward the bathrooms. "Come on," Jennifer said asking for Lexi's attention. "Fess up" she demanded when Lexi quickly glanced at her as she reached for her third glass of champagne. Jennifer continued, "What's happened?"

"What do you mean?" Lexi asked sipping her champagne and trying to avoid eye contact.

"Something's going on here" Jennifer concluded eyeing Lexi suspiciously.

Lexi laughed nervously. "Nothing is going on"

Jennifer was on to them, she knew something was wrong. "Have you two had a fight?" Jennifer asked watching Kelly walk through the restaurant back toward their table.

Lexi drank the last of her champagne trying to give her time to think of something to say. She shook her head signifying there had been no fight. "No, no fight" she confirmed pouring more champagne from the bottle in to her glass. Lexi should have known Jennifer would see right through them.

They had been flirting all night, Kelly had always been touching Lexi in some way unless they were eating. As far as Lexi thought they had been the same way they always were, obviously not. Maybe Lexi hadn't been hiding her facial expressions as well as she thought or maybe she had made a snide remark and not realised it.

"What did I miss?" Kelly asked smiling broadly as he sat down putting his arm around the back of Lexi's chair.

"I was just asking what's going on with the two of you?" Jennifer filled him in watching him suspiciously, looking for a reaction. "Something is up, I can tell"

Kelly sighed defeated, he had been enjoying his night. It had been a great evening, spending time with Lexi and his Mom. He had almost convinced himself everything was normal. Kelly sat forward on his chair, putting his elbows on the table, he ran his hands over his face not sure where to begin. He should have known his Mom was too smart to not realise something was wrong. "Mom, I… we broke up" Kelly told Jennifer firmly seeing no other tactic than being honest.

The shock was apparent on Jennifer's face as well as in the tone of her voice. "What?"

"I asked Lexi to come here, pretend everything was fine, lie to you" he explained sadly "I'm sorry, I should have told you"

The shock subsided replaced by anger. Anger at being lied too. "What the hell happened?" Jennifer demanded an explanation.

Kelly inhaled deeply, breathing in a little longer than he needed to, preparing himself for the disappointment Jennifer would wear, he opened his mouth ready to confess.

"I cheated" Lexi spat out quickly before Kelly could talk.

Lexi's heart broke at the tears that filled Jennifer's eyes. Tears of disappointment at Lexi's betrayal, hurt tears for her son's loss. The disappointment showing clearly on her pretty features.

"Let me guess" Jennifer started heatedly, "with your partner? Jay?"

Lexi nodded, what else could she do? She had to bite her tongue, literally. Did that comment tell her all she needed to know about what Jennifer really thought of her? If Jay was the first person that Jennifer thought of when Lexi said she had cheated, didn't that explain it had always been a notion in Jennifer's mind that Lexi was capable of being unfaithful with Jay? Lexi couldn't be mad at Jennifer, she had just confessed to being adulterous to her son, breaking his heart in the process as far as Jennifer knew. "It was a mistake" Lexi laid it on thick. If she was going to take the heat for Kelly, she would make it believable. "It was a huge mistake"

"Yes, it was a mistake!" Jennifer agreed. "How could you? You were engaged for Christ sakes!"

"Mom" Kelly warned "Back off."

"No" she told him sternly "I won't back off. Are you still working with him?"

Lexi nodded, not able to find the right words, not wanting to say something that would reveal her lie. "Yes, I'm still working with him" She spoke softly and calmly.

"You're a stronger person than I am Kelly" Jennifer explained giving Lexi a cold look, "I wouldn't stand for it. When did it happen?"

Lexi inhaled and exhaled trying to calm herself. It was getting harder to bite her tongue, take the fall for Kelly. She had always respected Jennifer, loved her, but it was hard to sit and listen to the lecture, the disgusted tone to her voice when she shouldn't be the one it was directed at. "It was just after Shay." Lexi told her "I didn't… I don't even remember it. I was in a bad place"

Jennifer's eyes softened at the mention of Shay, seeing the hurt in Lexi's eyes. "Oh Lexi" Jennifer said reaching across the table for her hand. It didn't matter Lexi had hurt her son, Jennifer loved her like a daughter, had loved Shay and Lexi like they were her own. She couldn't be mad at her.

"Can I offer you our dessert menu?" The waiter asked approaching the table without realising what he was interrupting.

"You know" Lexi started standing up, "I've lost my appetite. I'm sorry Jennifer, really, I am. I wish it were different, I wish a lot of things were different actually" Lexi pushed her now vacant chair under the table so she could step around it.

"Lexi" Kelly called after her as she walked through the restaurant to leave. "Can we just have the bill please?" Kelly asked the waiter urgently. He watched through the window as Lexi flagged a passing cab down and got in.

* * *

Jay sat at a table in Molly's with Kevin and Adam watching a hockey game on the TV above the bar. He saw Lexi enter Molly's by the main entrance, she walked directly to the bar as Gabby approached her from behind it. He couldn't hear their conversation, but Lexi looked pissed.

Lexi was nicely dressed, black trousers, and a red silk shirt. She had applied heavier make-up than she wore in the day. He watched Gabby pour her a shot of tequila, she knocked it back quickly then Gabby pointed toward her left hand that rested on the bar.

Jay observed as Lexi gazed down at her hand then quickly removed her engagement ring from her hand and put it in her purse. What the hell was going on? Why had she been wearing her engagement ring? Was she back with Kelly? Kelly entered the bar rushing to Lexi's side.

Jay wanted to hit something, he gripped his beer bottle tighter, his knuckles turning white as he clenched his jaw.

* * *

Lexi stormed in to Molly's. She needed to wash off her make-up, put her pyjamas on, sit on her sofa and drink a bottle of red wine, on Kelly's tab. "You need tequila" Gabby assessed from her facial expression pouring a shot for her.

Lexi threw it back quickly savouring the burning sensation as it travelled down her throat. "How did you guess?"

"You're wearing your engagement ring" Gabby observed

"Oh shit" Lexi said taking it off and putting it in her purse. It was funny how quickly she had got use to wearing it again, the feel of it on her hand. "Can I have a bottle of red please?"

"Sure" Gabby told her turning to walk to the other end of the bar where the wine was kept.

"Lex" Kelly said standing beside her at the bar. Lexi thought he had got there fast, he must have left minutes after she had. "You didn't have to do that" Kelly told her.

"I know" she blushed slightly "but I figured she'd be easier on you if she thought it was my fault" Gabby put Lexi's bottle of wine on the bar in front of her. "My drinks are on him" Lexi smiled pointing at Kelly.

Kelly nodded taking his wallet from his pocket and handing Gabby some cash. "I'm going to tell her it was me" Kelly admitted to Lexi, "tell her it was my fault"

"No" Lexi told him shaking her head. "It's done now. Just wait a couple days and tell her we were trying to work it out or something, but we couldn't" she suggested picking up her bottle of wine.

"Can't we?" Kelly asked as Lexi began walking away, she stopped and turned to look at him. "Work it out I mean?" he elaborated taking a few steps to stand in front of her again so he could speak quietly.

She had to admire his persistence. "What would that even look like?" Lexi asked him curiously. "You were jealous of me and Jay before all of this, so how would it work now?"

She watched Kelly think it over, maybe for the first time. He hadn't thought that far ahead, how would their relationship work now? She wouldn't trust him, and he wouldn't trust her around Jay.

Awash with a sudden sadness at the reminder of all the things that wouldn't be, marrying Kelly, becoming Lexi Severide, having Jennifer as a mother in law, splitting holidays between their families or them hosting holidays. Lexi held back tears at the thought of her almost future.

Kelly shrugged coolly, "we'd work it out, somehow"

She smiled at his enthusiasm, she had to give him credit for trying. "Goodnight Kelly" she told him kissing his cheek before walking through Molly's to her apartment.

* * *

**Wednesday February 6** **th** **\- Morning.**

The next morning Lexi woke to the sound of her phone ringing on the other side of the room where she had left it charging overnight. The clock read six fifteen as she climbed from her bed and answered the call. "Hey Hank" Lexi coughed. She knew Hank calling so early meant there was a development.

"You don't sound too good" Hank commented once Lexi had controlled her coughing.

"I'm fine" she advised "what's up?"

"We've got a body" he explained "Riverwalk, south end"

"Half hour" she told him before hanging up and running in to her bathroom to quickly wash and brush her teeth.

* * *

Lexi stood at the curb waiting for Jay to pick her up. She bounced from one foot to the other. Nervous, aggravated energy coursing through her. Jay pulled the car to a stop and she jumped in the passenger seat, fastening her seatbelt as Jay drove away.

"Morning" She greeted him smiling.

"Hey" Jay said a little curtly not taking his eyes off the road.

"We know anymore about the body?"

"Nope" he answered short and sharp.

Lexi rolled her eyes, so he was going to be in one of those moods today. A mood where he would snap at her all day and make snide remarks and not tell her what was wrong. She wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of asking what was wrong, he could tell her if or when he wanted to be an adult about it. Lexi exhaled slowly she didn't have the energy to try to figure out what she had done wrong now.

* * *

Jay held the crime scene tape up for Lexi to go under as they flashed their badges to the police officers standing guard. They could see Hank, Burgess, Ruzek and Olinsky stood by a patrol car having a discussion. Dawson and Atwater stood a few feet away from them talking to two female joggers.

The body had been covered with a white sheet and lay between where they had entered and the team. It was a quiet spot, out of view of the main road, under a crossing bridge. The body hadn't been concealed by the assailant in any way from what Lexi could tell.

Lexi indicated for the crime scene technician to pull back the white plastic tarp that shielded the body as she crouched beside it. The tech pulled back the tarp revealing the pretty face of a blonde woman, in her early twenties, her vacant eyes stared up at Lexi, her head lagged to the side revealing the bloody wound where her right ear had been sliced off.

"Okay" Jay told the technician "we've seen enough".

Lexi stood up and exhaled through her nose, controlling her urge to punch something. Jay put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "You ok?"

"I will be when we catch this guy" she told him walking toward the team. "Hey" she greeted them all.

"What do we know?" Jay enquired.

"Those two found her at six a.m." Burgess explained pointing toward the two joggers Dawson and Atwater were interviewing. "Tech's say it looks like she was raped and beaten, her ear cut off, under the bridge, there's a secondary crime scene, blood splatter. She must have tried crawling out to get help"

"Any signs of a struggle?" Lexi asked, "did she put up a fight?"

"Not from what we can tell" Olinsky advised.

"Lexi we're pulling in quite a crowd" Voight began looking around, people were milling around, talking to each other and pointing at the covered over body, standing as close to the crime scene tape as the officers would allow them too, using their mobile phones to take pictures and record videos for likes on social media, it infuriated Lexi. "I want you to hang around until the body is removed. See if any faces in the crowd pop out at you"

Lexi nodded "Okay, but he's already taken his souvenir" she remarked referring to the woman's ear. "Not sure he's dumb enough to stick around for the aftermath"

"Ruzek, Burgess I want you to subtly take photos of the crowd," Hank instructed "we can cross reference from the other crime scene"

"Great, here come the vultures" Lexi groaned watching as a news van pulled to a halt at the curb.

"Al and I will deal with them" Hank advised.

* * *

"You ok?" Jay asked taking Lexi's hand from her lap as he drove them to Chicago Med. He kissed the back of her hand.

Lexi had insisted she be the one to tell Emily about the latest Riverwalk attack. She didn't want Emily seeing something on the news. Lexi's attempted smile was sad and weak, "I just really wanna get this guy."

"We'll get him" Jay assured her, "Dawson and Atwater will get the footage, you can go through mugshots as soon as we're back at the district, forensics should be back tomorrow. We're gonna get this prick"

"I know, but how many more women will he hurt or kill before we catch him"

Jay pulled the car in to a free spot in the hospital parking lot. "Voight's putting patrols on the river and undercovers, maybe it will deter him"

"Or he'll just find somewhere else to go" Lexi suggested getting out of the car. She didn't want to sound so defeated, but she couldn't help it. She felt responsible. She had seen the asshole, she had said 'good morning' to him, she should have known he was up to no good and followed him or arrested him, Emily would be ok, the currently unidentified dead woman would be alive.

"You are not responsible for any of this" Jay stated knowing that's exactly what she was thinking and feeling. He put his arm around her shoulders as they walked across the parking lot.

"I know, but it doesn't stop me feeling like I could have done more"

Jay stopped walking making Lexi stop too. "Lex listen to your voice" Jay snickered swinging her round to stand in front of him. "If you had done any more, you'd be dead" he leant down and kissed her lightly on the lips. "Please stop being so hard on yourself"

"I'll try" She promised stepping out of his arms. She didn't understand him at all. When he picked her up a few hours ago, he was clearly pissed off with her, now he was holding her hand, hugging and kissing her to reassure her. What was this? What was he doing? She didn't need the uncertainty of it all.

* * *

Lexi and Jay entered Emily's room after knocking and waiting for Emily to permit them to enter. She switched off the television using the remote control as Jay closed the door. Her mother was sat in the same chair she had been sitting in the day before. Lexi knew the woman was probably never going to let Emily go anywhere alone for the rest of her life.

"How're you doing?" Lexi asked Emily.

Jay watched as Emily stifled a grin at the sound of Lexi's voice. "It's okay," he told Emily laughing himself "you can laugh, her voice is hilarious"

Emily did laugh, unable to hold it in. "Sorry but you do sound like a man"

Lexi chuckled, it was nice to see the young girl smiling. "Thanks" Lexi said feigning being offended.

"Is it good news?" Vanessa asked urgently, "did you catch him?"

Lexi shook her head a gloomy half smile on her mouth, "I'm afraid not. I just wanted to be the one to tell you, before you saw it on the news. He attacked someone else this morning" Lexi explained trying to be matter of fact and not show her emotions. "He killed her"

Vanessa gasped putting her hand to her mouth, tears welled in her eyes and she was unable to stop them from spilling over. Tears of shock that a woman had died, crying with relief it hadn't been her daughter, tears of guilt at the feeling relief of her daughter having survived.

"We are going to get him" Lexi told her sitting on the edge of the bed and taking Emily's hands in hers. "I promise you" Emily nodded smiling, she was stronger than her mother, she managed to hold back her tears. Lexi knew right now Emily was angry but maybe soon she would start to feel sorry for herself, and she had every right too, but Lexi didn't want her to blame herself. "If you need anything, anything at all, just to talk, call me" Lexi told her handing a business card to Emily.

A knock at the door interrupted them as Will entered "Sorry to interrupt didn't realise you had company" Will apologised seeing Lexi and Jay. "I can come back"

"No, we're all good Doc" Jay told him "you can come in"

"Hold on a minute" Emily began pointing from Jay to Will a playful grin on her bruised face. "It just occurred to me your both Halstead's, brothers?" she questioned.

They both laughed as Will stood closer to Jay putting their heads together for Emily to get a better look at them side by side. "That we are" Will confirmed.

"Damn" Emily commented sounding like a teenager for the first time since Lexi had met her.

Lexi really liked Emily she had kept her sense of humour throughout her whole ordeal. Lexi laughed turning to look at the brothers. "I know right" Lexi agreed.

"Is there even one flaw between them?" Emily queried looking to Lexi for the answer, talking as if Jay and Will weren't stood in the room.

Lexi turned back to Emily and leant in to her a little as if she were trying to talk privately with her. "Doctor Halstead, I'm yet to find one," Lexi confessed "but Detective Halstead, his only flaw, he's married" she shook her head faking disbelief.

Emily laughed, a proper meaningful, gleeful laugh from her stomach. "Aren't all the good ones?" Emily whispered loud enough for the room to hear.

"So I hear" Lexi agreed holding her hands up to show the lack of any rings. "Right we'll let the doc do his job. I'll come by and see you again soon"

Emily smiled "I'd like that" she told Lexi as she headed for the door.

"Lex, can you hang around a minute" Will asked as she passed him, "I need to talk to you"

"Sure, I'll be outside."

* * *

Lexi walked down the corridor away from Emily's room. Still in view of the door so Will would see her when he exited. She became nervous, she leant against the wall chewing the skin around her nails. What if Will had rushed the results of her fertility test? She wasn't sure she was ready to know, maybe he just wanted to check her neck again whilst she was there? But surely if he just wanted to check her over, he would have said that?

"Stop" Jay told her standing in front of her taking her hand from her mouth to prevent her from chewing her fingers. He knew it was a nervous habit she had.

"What if Will's right?" she asked speaking quickly, her mind racing, "what if I'm totally messed up inside?"

"Don't do that" Jay advised her "don't do the what if's, we'll deal with whatever it is"

He had said 'we'll' deal with it? What would Jay have to deal with? They weren't together anymore. He was free to go off and have children with someone else, if that's what he wanted to do.

Will exited Emily's room and walked toward Lexi and Jay a smile on his face. "How's your throat?" he asked using his hand under her chin to gently tilt her head up and move it from side to side to check the bruising.

"Sore"

"Coughing up any blood?"

Lexi shook her head no "I can taste blood occasionally but not coughing it up"

"Okay. Want me to prescribe some strong painkillers?" Will advised

Lexi shook her head again to decline his offer. Alcohol would numb the pain just fine, she didn't need medication. "I'm good thanks"

"I put a rush on your results" Will noticed the relief that washed over her face, she wasn't ready to hear the results yet, she was glad he didn't know the answers yet. "I should have them tomorrow"

"Okay" Lexi nodded "thanks, that's great, the sooner I know the better I guess" her voice sounded assured, but her expression told a different story, she was afraid to know. "Thanks Will" she said deciding the conversation was over and walking away.

"Jay, what are you doing with her?" Will asked his brother when Lexi was out of earshot.

Jay furrowed his brow confused. "What are you talking about?"

"I thought you had broken up"

"We have"

"Then why did I see you kiss her in the parking lot?" Will queried. Jay blew out a long breath, he hadn't meant to kiss her, it just happened, it felt natural to do it, it was a habit to kiss her when she needed reassuring, when she was sad or low. "You know she's the best thing to ever happen to you, right?"

"Yeah I do"

"Aren't those the words that got you in to this mess?" Will joked as Jay began walking away, Jay turned and stuck his middle finger up at his brother laughing.


	8. Two Innocent Victims

**Chapter 8 – Two Innocent Victims**

**Wednesday February 6** **th** **– Evening.**

Lexi stood in front of the white board and stared at the high school photo of Emily Donoghue and the law school graduation photo of the newly identified second victim, Lisa Allen, that were stuck to it. Below was the partial picture of the offender from Emily's attack and nothing else.

It had been two days and that was all they had. All the information they had concrete proof of. It was nothing, it wasn't enough. Kim's phone rang breaking Lexi's sombre thoughts. "Mr Allen is downstairs" Kim called across the room. "I'll bring him up"

Lexi flipped the white board over to show the blank side and then knocked on Hank's office door. She poked her head round the door. "Husband of the second victim is downstairs"

"Okay" He said standing from his desk, "you want to take this one?"

Lexi didn't want to take this one. She didn't want to talk to a grieving husband, to tell him they had no information, nothing that could lead them to catch his wife's killer. She could promise they were doing all they could, but was that enough? "Yeah I do" Lexi agreed sighing heavy hearted.

Lexi exited Hank's office as Burgess lead Mister Allen up the stairs. He was handsome man, late twenties, early thirties at most, clean shaven, wearing a tailored suit, his hair styled perfectly, not one out of place. Someone could have mistaken him for being a visiting lawyer if it weren't for his red rimmed eyes and nose. "Mister Allen, I'm Detective Shay" she said shaking his hand "I'm so very sorry for your loss" she told him leading him in to the kitchen and motioning for him to take a seat.

"Thank you, please call me Jason." He smiled politely but it didn't reach his eyes "Mr Allen is my Father"

"Coffee Jason?" Burgess offered him standing in the doorway.

"No thank you" Jason declined sitting in a chair and pulling it closer to the table.

Hank entered and shook Jason's hand "I'm Sergeant Voight, I'm so sorry for your loss" he told him sitting at the table.

Lexi sat beside Hank across from Jason. She watched Jason try to find words to respond, but he couldn't, he wanted to be polite, but he didn't know what the standard response was to someone expressing condolences and apologising for the loss of your wife. Jason looked bewildered like he didn't quite comprehend what was happening.

"You're going to hear that a lot" Lexi explained. She wanted to help him, try to ease some of his grieving, maybe help him understand it sooner than she had. "And you'll say thank you and decline the offer of coffee and say I'm fine, more times than you can count" Jason looked at her across the table not understanding. "I lost my sister, my twin sister, a few months ago." She elaborated. "No one knows what to say, you don't know what to say, all you know how to do is cry, but you don't want to burden anyone else with your tears." Jason's eyes shone with tears listening to Lexi's words. "Screw everyone else!" she told him firmly reaching across the table placing her hand atop his. "If you want to cry, cry, if you want to get angry, get angry! If it's what you need to do just do it. Screw everyone else!"

Jason smiled again and this time it reached his eyes, but the smile broke the seal and the tears flowed. He broke down, choked on his own sobs, Lexi stood and held him sideways in a comforting embrace. Burgess put a box of tissues on the table as Hank stood and left the room, closing the door behind him.

Jason didn't need a tough guy talking to him, he needed sympathy and empathy, which Kim and Lexi could provide better than Hank could.

"She was pregnant" Jason sobbed in to Lexi's arm. Lexi allowed him to sob stroking his hair, unable to offer any other comfort. "Three months, we hadn't even told our parents"

Lexi suppressed the rush of emotion that swept through her. Heartbreak at this man having lost his wife and child in an instant. Lexi and Kim were patient and allowed Jason to cry. You couldn't rush a grieving person to talk. Ten minutes passed and Jason had regained his composure. Lexi made him a coffee and then sat at the table in front of him.

"We were high school sweethearts" Jason smiled at a bittersweet memory. "I hated people calling us that, it was more than a high school crush."

"I can see that" Kim agreed nodding, when Jason offered no further explanation Kim asked, "Can you tell us about your wife Lisa, did she jog a lot?"

"She jogged the same route every morning" Jason clarified "I went with her whenever I could, but I got a promotion last week. This morning was my first time chairing a meeting, I went in early to make sure I was prepared"

Lexi nodded, he was blaming himself, if he hadn't gone to work early, he would have been with her, she would be ok. "It's okay" she assured him reaching over and putting her hand over his. "This isn't your fault." She paused for a minute giving him chance to let that sink it. "Did she ever mention anyone following her? A new face? Someone a little over zealous wanting to chat?"

Jason's brow creased in confusion. "No. Not that I recall"

"What about the times when you went with her?" Kim advised "notice anyone strange or lingering around?"

"No" Jason confirmed "do you think someone was stalking her?"

"We just need to rule out all possibilities" Lexi assured him.

* * *

Lexi and Kim thanked Jason for his time, asking him to call if he remembered anything else. "Come on" Kim told him putting her hand on his back to usher him out of the kitchen "I'll walk you out"

Lexi held the door open for them to exit, Platt was stood speaking to Hank at the top of the stairs, looking up as they exited the kitchen. "There's some press outside" Platt explained approaching them. "I'll escort you out of the back" Jason nodded his thanks and followed her out.

Hank walked slowly across the floor to Kim and Lexi, giving Platt time to escort Jason out of hearing range. "He give you anything?"

"Kim can explain" Lexi told him walking around him to her desk. "I'm done for the day" she leant over and pulled her jacket from off the back of her chair before bounding down the stairs.

"Lex" Jay called standing up ready to go after her.

"Let her go" Hank demanded watching her leave. He knew she was taking this case personally. She was finding it hard to deal with. He wasn't going to force her to stay if she needed time to process. "Kim?" he questioned "what did he give you?"

"Nothing, other than the fact she was three months pregnant!" Kim explained

Jay understood why Lexi had needed to leave. She was angrier now knowing the Riverwalk killer had taken two innocent lives.

* * *

Lexi practically jogged down the steps of the intelligence unit and pushed the gate open at the bottom with a little more force than she had intended. The gate bounced off the wall and almost hit Lexi as she passed through as it swung back.

Officer Williams and his partner Officer Johnson were walking across the reception area toward the exit "Williams" Lexi called jogging toward him "You heading out?"

Williams turned at the sound of his name being called and smiled when he saw Lexi. "Yeah, you need something Detective?"

"Could use a ride"

"No problem" He told her motioning for her to go through the door ahead of him.

* * *

**Wednesday February 6** **th** **\- Night.**

Lexi walked slowly by the river, keeping the red railings on her left, scrutinising every male face that passed her, young or old, looking for something she recognised, a bandaged hand, a cut on his right eye, anything.

She had to catch this guy, she wanted to be the one to bring him in. She wanted to be the one to look him in the eyes and tell him he hadn't broken Emily. She knew she was too invested in this case, was taking it way too personally, even more so now she knew Lisa Allen had been pregnant. Being invested wasn't always a bad thing, it meant she was more focused, more determined.

An elderly couple holding hands walked toward her, she flashed a friendly smile which they returned. The wind crept up and made the fallen leaf's swirl around her feet as she walked, she put her hands in her pockets, wishing she had a pair of gloves.

It was nine p.m. she didn't believe the Riverwalk Killer would be there, he seemed to prefer early mornings, but on the off chance he may have returned to the scene of the crime Lexi would walk the river all night if she had too. She couldn't sit in front of a computer anymore looking at pictures. Pictures of men that might not even contain a picture of the person they were looking for.

Lexi strolled trying to look casual, she approached the gate where Emily had been dragged in to. She paused and eyed the new chain and padlock that was now secured around it. It would take bolt cutters to get the thick chain off, Lexi was happy it was there now, but if it had been there before...

"Lexi" Jay saying her name from behind her broke her thought process.

She hung her head, her chin hitting her chest, not wanting to turn and face him. To hear the lecture of why she shouldn't be there without back-up, why she shouldn't have left the district, why being on a one-woman crusade was going to get her hurt or killed.

She heard his footsteps approach her and met his eyes as he stood in front of her. He held up two take-away Starbucks cups, a peace offering. "Caramel macchiato, extra shot, six thousand sugars, just how you like it" he joked handing her the cup.

Lexi took it smiling her thanks as the heat of the paper cup warmed her cold hands. "Are you here as back-up or to take me home?"

"Both" Jay shrugged as Lexi stepped around him and continued to walk. He fell in stride next to her as she sipped her coffee. "I know I don't need to tell you how reckless you're being, and if Hank finds out you keep coming out here alone, I don't need to tell you how much trouble you'd be in."

"So don't tell him" Lexi suggested walking slowly.

"I get that your invested Lex, it's a tough case but you can't go vigilante on this one" he advised glancing sideways at her.

"Maybe that's what it needs? Someone to just take this guy down, put a bullet in his head and be done with it"

"If that what it comes down to, then yeah" Jay agreed "But coming out here, hoping to bump in to him is not the answer" he tugged on her arm stopping her from walking and turning her to face him. "I don't want to see you get hurt or killed. I couldn't deal with that" he shook his head as if he were trying to shake the terrifying thought of losing her from his mind. He had thought he was losing her once before, watched her fight for her life as his brother stitched her up, he couldn't go through that again.

Lexi gazed at him, she didn't like to see the fear in his eyes at the thought of losing her. She hated when he was upset or down. She heaved a sigh, he was right, she hated that he was right, but he was. "You're right, I'm sorry"

"Wait what was that?" Jay asked putting a finger behind his ear and turning his head "could you say that again I didn't quite catch it"

Lexi laughed and put her mouth against his ear "You're right!" she said loudly.

Jay did a little shiver shaking his whole body "oh that sounds even better with your husky voice" he quipped.

She shook her head giggling at him "take me home."

* * *

"I know it's none of my business," Jay started as he drove Lexi home from Riverwalk "but I saw you with Kelly last night"

Lexi exhaled slowly, he was right it wasn't any of his business. "Yeah"

Jay knew she wasn't going to make this easy for him, he didn't deserve for her to be easy on him. "I saw you take off your engagement ring"

Lexi hadn't realised Jay had been in Molly's when she had got back from her dinner date with Kelly and Jennifer. She had been so flustered at Jennifer's reaction, too upset to be paying attention to her surroundings. Then Lisa Allen's body had been found, it felt like dinner had been weeks ago. She didn't want to go in to detail so simply replied, "Long story"

"Does this long story require a congratulations on your re-engagement?" Jay asked curtly pulling the car to an abrupt halt at the curb outside of Molly's.

"No" she said matching his sharp tone. Did she need to remind him that he had been the one to break up with her, again? He was the one who had got married? She was too tired to get in to this now, she decided to change the subject. "Will you pick me up at eight in the morning please?"

Jay nodded "Sure"

"I want to go see Emily before we go to the district, see…"

Jay interrupted her explanation snapping at her, "I said okay."

"God you're giving me whiplash!" Lexi exclaimed taking off her seat belt. "You break up with me, spend the morning pissed at me, kiss me outside the hospital. And now your pissed at me again. I'm not going to do this Jay" she warned irritably "I've said it before, you can't drop me and pick me up when it suits you." She flung the car door open and stepped out. "I'll see you at eight" she said before slamming the car door closed.

"Fuck" Jay said quietly to himself as he hit the steering wheel of the car watching her walk to her door.

What was he doing? She was right he was pissed at her, but more pissed at himself. Had he expected to break up with her and her stay single forever? She wasn't exactly throwing Kelly in his face, they had been seeing each other as friends since the Calvin episode, which Jay could handle. But now Kelly knew she was back on the market it was making Jay furious thinking about them being together, whether it was platonic or not.

He hated she was spending time with Kelly and Kelly had made a point of telling Jay he wasn't going to leave Lexi alone. As far as Jay was concerned, Kelly was actively trying to get her back.

Jay hated the thought of Lexi being back with Kelly, despised the idea of Kelly throwing it in Jay's face every chance he got. But would Lexi reconcile with Kelly? Was that even a possibility? He understood Kelly had done a lot for Lexi the past few months, Jay couldn't deny the fact that Kelly had saved her life. Yet Kelly had cheated on her, at one of the worst times of her life he hadn't been there for her, although when she had needed him recently, he had been there.

Jay hadn't technically cheated on Lexi with Abby, he had broken up with her but still he had slept with another woman days, maybe hours for all he remembered, after breaking up with her. Not to mention said break-up had happened over a text. That was a dick move. What did that say about him? About their relationship? Lexi had forgiven him for the first break-up, she had told him she understood he was in a bad place. Sometimes the comfort of something you knew was what you needed to make you feel better, was that true for her and Kelly now?

What had changed that made him not able to get out of the car and tell her loved her? Why couldn't he be with her? He wanted to be with her, he was certain of that. But he had gone to Vegas, broken up with her, married an ex-girlfriend, let her rescue him, made up with her then broken up with her when his forgotten wife had shown up. None of those things changed the fact that he loved her and wanted to be with her.

Lexi unlocked her door and turned to look at him, he stared back not wanting to look away as he put the car in to drive as she stepped over the threshold out of view.

* * *

Lexi felt Jay's eyes on her as she walked from the car to her door. She imagined him getting out of the car, kissing her and telling her he was sorry, that he wanted to be with her, that whatever he was dealing with they could and would deal with it together.

She didn't hear the car pull away as she unlocked the door. She turned and looked at him. He didn't hide the fact he had been watching her.

Maybe he was just being a gentleman and making sure she got through the door okay. She stepped over the threshold and heard the car pull away as she closed and locked the door. Her emotions took over and she slid down the closed door, sobs rocking her body.

Lexi wanted to be with him, she couldn't deny it, but she wasn't sure she could be with him. He had married an ex-girlfriend, then lied to her. Did she trust him? Were they meant to be together? Had they made a mistake, jumping in to a relationship so soon after her ending her relationship with Kelly? Could she forgive Jay for shutting her out and finding comfort in someone else?

Lexi growled loudly in the small corridor, furious at her own tears. Mad at herself for breaking down. She should be angry with Jay, Jay was the problem, Jay was the cause of her upset. But it didn't matter how hard she tried, she couldn't hate him.

Lexi composed herself and walked up the stairs slowly, she yawned as she got to the top and unlocked the door in to her apartment. She decided she was going to spend an hour looking at mugshots then she was going to bed. She entered her kitchen and filled a wine glass. She turned the CPD tablet on and waited for it to load.

She fished her phone from her pocket after it alerted her to a message. It was from Kelly, she sighed, it wasn't from who she had wanted it to be from.

**Kelly:**  You still up?

She thought about replying, to lie and tell him she was just getting in to bed, but it was easier to not respond. She locked her phone and put it down as the tablet requested her user identification code and password. She entered the details as the buzzer to the main front door chimed around the apartment.

"Really Kelly" she groaned, she couldn't ignore the front door, he would see her lights were still on and know she was home and awake.

Lexi took a sip of her wine before walking down the stairs ready to have to convince Kelly to go home, she needed to rest ready for work tomorrow. She unlocked the door and opened it ready to begin her argument of needing to get to bed, alone. "Look I…" Lexi cut herself off seeing Kelly's sad expression, his eyes glistening as he contained his sorrow. "You ok?"

The shake of his head was pitiful, "I had a really shitty day" he admitted sounding broken.

Lexi widened the door, inviting him in. "Wanna talk about it?"

"Not really" he said walking toward her quickly, he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her firmly.

Lexi was stunned for a second, she hadn't been expecting him to kiss her. She recovered quickly and kissed him back, teasing his mouth open with her tongue against his lips. She wanted to feel something, feel anything except numb, broken, confused, hurt. Besides wasn't this exactly what Jay had done? Broken up with her then screwed his ex? Somewhere deep down she knew it was a mistake, knew what they were doing was wrong and would probably just end up hurting them both more in the long run but for now she didn't care.

Lexi unzipped his jacket as he walked her backwards, her back hitting the wall. She pushed his jacket off his shoulders as he used his foot to kick the door closed all without breaking apart.

Kelly pushed his body in to her, letting her feel all of him, as he began unbuttoning her shirt. Lexi ran her palms flat against his stomach up to his chest, then ran her nails greedily back down. Grabbing the bottom of his t-shirt Kelly parted their lips to pull it over his head as Lexi pulled her now unbuttoned shirt off her arms.

Lexi claimed Kelly's mouth again with hers, running her hands through his hair and pulling slightly. Kelly kissed her jawline, moving down her neck hungrily.

Lexi unfastened his belt, and the buttons of his jeans. She whimpered as Kelly put too much pressure on her injured throat. "Sorry" his voice was muffled as he travelled down and kissed the exposed skin of her breasts as he unbuttoned her jeans.

She ignored his apology as she stripped him of his jeans and boxer shorts, he followed her lead and stepped out of his discard clothes. He crouched in front of her pulling her jeans down her hips leaving small wet kisses on her stomach as he stood back up as she stepped out of her clothes that pooled around her feet.

Kelly picked her up by her hips, putting his arms under her legs to hold her up as she wrapped her legs around him, he put her back against the wall and entered her.


	9. Distractions

**Wednesday February 6** **th** **\- Night**.

Lexi's moaning communicated to Kelly that she was near to climax again, he was close too. "Kelly" she sighed his name as she bit his shoulder and dug her nails in to his back, he knew she had peaked again, and it sent him over the edge.

He held her up against the wall, not ready to let her go. They both panted, catching their breath, he rested his head on her shoulder and she put her cheek against his neck, savouring the feeling of the endorphins rushing through their blood streams.

Sweating and panting from the throes of passion, Kelly kissed her shoulder lightly, setting her down on her feet. "Hey" he whispered smiling admiringly at her pushing her sweaty hair back from her face.

Lexi instantly felt guilty, she shouldn't have let that happen. The way he was looking at her made her feel uncomfortable. "Kelly, I…"

"Stop" he interrupted her his voice pleading, "just let me live in it for a minute, please"

She kissed him softly on the lips understanding he needed to be in the moment, not thinking about anything, just feeling the sweetness of the aftermath of their encounter.

They redressed in the small space at the bottom of the stairs then went up to Lexi's kitchen. Kelly sat at the breakfast bar in front of the tablet, that had booted up and was showing the last mugshot Lexi had looked at, remembering her place in the many photos she still had to look through. "Burning the midnight oil?" he asked pointing to the screen.

Lexi took a bottle of beer from the fridge and twisted off the cap. "Yeah" she confirmed "I was going to spend another hour looking through when I was distracted" she smiled flirtatiously as she handed him his beer.

His knowing smile reached his eyes as he sipped from his bottle. "Sorry for the distraction"

"I'm not complaining" she told him pouring herself a glass of wine.

"I get that that's all it was" Kelly assured her "a good distraction" he looked her in the eye to show he understood them having sex didn't mean they were suddenly back together. "Guess we both needed it"

"Well you know my reasons" Lexi began taking her wine glass and sitting on the sofa. "Wanna tell me about your bad day?" she asked putting her outstretched legs in his lap as he sat on the other end of the couch.

He sipped his beer to give himself a second to rein in his emotions. "I had to talk someone off a ledge" Kelly explained staring off in to the distance. "Only I didn't. She was too far gone, and we didn't get the equipment in place in time" Lexi knew that wasn't the whole story, Kelly had lost people before and it hadn't affected him as much as this one. She changed her position sitting closer to him, looking at him sideways, she gently stroked the side of his neck, knowing it soothed him. "Her Mom had passed away a few weeks ago and she found out her husband had been having an affair with her best friend. All I kept thinking was I needed Shay, Shay would be able to make her see sense, bring her round"

"Maybe" Lexi said sympathetically "either way, it wasn't your fault, nothing you said or didn't say" she consoled him. "You said it yourself, some people are just too far gone"

Kelly exhaled long and tiredly "some days I struggle to remember why I do this job"

"You do it for the ones you do save, the people you can reach" she reminded him. "You do it because you're amazing at it"

"Speaking of amazing" Kelly grinned suggestively.

"Here we go" Lexi rolled her eyes good-naturedly. "Kelly Severide boasting about his skills"

"That wasn't a denial"

"Shut up" she told him pushing him playfully. "Seriously though I don't want this to get awkward or confusing. We're both on the same page about all this right?"

Kelly rolled his eyes this time, "Yes" he assured her firmly. "I know it was a one-off, amazing, distraction" she nodded her affirmation agreeing with everything he said. "Unless" Kelly smirked provocatively "you need a little more distracting"

Lexi hummed "Mmm a little distraction never hurt anyone" she teased as Kelly leant in kissing her throat lightly.

* * *

**Thursday February 7** **th** **– Morning.**

Lexi rolled over in her bed reaching her arm over expecting it to land on Kelly, only to feel a cold, empty space. He had been there when she had fallen to sleep.

She got out of bed and walked slowly in to the kitchen, she needed coffee, painkillers and a shower. Lexi's step faltered seeing Kelly sat at her breakfast bar, dressed in the same clothes he had been wearing the previous night, an empty bowl in front of him.

"Morning" he smiled broadly at her.

Lexi smiled back at him continuing in to the kitchen. Kelly observed as she took painkillers from one cupboard and a clean glass from another. She filled the glass with water and threw back the tablets.

He heard her swallow from across the kitchen, the grimace on her face showed him it pained her. "You okay?" he asked. She smiled as a response taking another sip of water. "Speak then" he demanded grinning good naturedly, she hadn't replied to his greeting or to his question, she was undoubtedly in pain.

"I'm fine" Lexi rasped before taking a drink of the water. Kelly watched her wince again as the liquid travelled down her throat.

"You don't sound fine. You should be resting your voice"

Lexi didn't want the 'you need to take care of yourself' lecture. "I'm fine, I'll rest when the case is closed" she advised walking back toward the bedroom to take a shower.

"Lex" Kelly protested following her.

"I'll manage" she told him entering the bathroom.

Kelly knew she wouldn't sit this one out, no matter how much he insisted she should rest her voice. "Fine" he caved in smiling at her, "Hank" he joked. Lexi stuck her middle finger up at him as she began to brush her teeth. Kelly chuckled at her rude gesture a fake look of offence on his face. "I'll make you some breakfast"

* * *

Jay woke in a room he didn't recognise, it took a few seconds for him to remember he was at Abby's place.

Regret set in and he hoped Abby was still sleeping beside him so he could sneak out undetected. He knew it wasn't very gentlemanly, spend the night with a woman only to disappear in the cold harsh light of day, but he didn't want to give Abby the wrong impression.

He rolled on to his back and found the bed beside him empty. He sighed relieved he didn't have to have an awkward encounter with her. His relief was short lived as Abby entered the room carrying two steaming cups of coffee.

"Morning" Abby greeted with a wide smile.

"Hey" Jay greeted getting out of the bed and stretching.

Abby stood before him handing him the cup, he took a quick sip before placing it on the night stand noticing the time on the digital clock. "Shit, I'm going to be late. I didn't realise it was so late, did you turn off my alarm?" Jay asked stepping around her to find his discarded clothes.

Abby smiled sweetly, "Guilty"

"Abby about last night…" he began finding his jeans and stepping in to them. "It doesn't change anything"

Abby nodded sadly sitting on her bed watching him dress. "I know. We can take it slow"

"That's not what I mean" he explained pulling his shirt over his head. "Abby I'm sorry, we shouldn't have."

Abby laughed at his attempt of a nice rejection interrupting him. "Jay we're both adults here. I understand the timings off, you need time to get over her"

Jay sighed heavily, she wasn't getting his meaning at all, he would just have to say it bluntly, trying to spare her feelings wasn't working. "I don't need time to get over Lexi, I'm never going to be over her. Last night was a mistake. A mistake I won't repeat" Abby's eyes flashed with anger then hurt, Jay sat beside her on the bed and continued, "I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt you, but I need you to understand."

Abby clenched her jaw taking a deep breath, his words not really sinking in. She would just be patient and persistent, keep trying to win him over. "It's fine, I get it"

"I'm sorry" he said kissing the side of her head quickly before making a quick exit.

* * *

Lexi thanked Kelly for the toast and poached eggs he had prepared for her taking her dirty dishes to the sink. She eyed the clock on the wall, noting it was seven forty. Jay would be there to pick her up in twenty minutes, she didn't want him seeing Kelly leave her place.

"For someone who works under cover, you're not very subtle" Kelly jested standing from his chair and pulling on his jacket.

Lexi laughed knowing he had seen her clock watching. "Sorry" she apologised wrinkling her nose.

"Don't be, I get it, you don't want Jay to find out"

Now she felt like shit and her expression showed it. She felt bad for effectively using Kelly to make herself feel better and chucking him out to cover her tracks. "It's just a bit of a mess right now" she began explaining following him to the door.

"You don't have to explain yourself Lex" Kelly assured her descending the stairs to her door. "It was just a one-time deal, well six times, but who's counting"

Lexi batted his arm in good fun as he stepped out of the door turning to face her. "Thank you for understanding" she told him seriously.

"Thank you for letting me distract you" he said stepping to her and kissing her cheek before walking toward her car.

"Bye" Lexi said watching him walk away. "Ah shit" she groaned seeing Jay sat in his parked car at the curb obviously having been watching them.

* * *

The ride to the district had been a quiet and uncomfortable experience. Jay had said good morning to her and nothing more.

Lexi had debated whether she should offer up a justification about Kelly's presence at her apartment but then realised she didn't owe Jay an explanation. What Lexi choose to do was no longer any of Jay's concern. She didn't want to hurt him, and she knew if he asked her about Kelly, she would flat out lie to him, but she also didn't have to justify her actions to him either.

"Should I ask Voight to partner us with other people today?" Jay asked Lexi emotionlessly as they walked across the district parking lot.

"What? No!" Lexi answered immediately, shock clouding her voice. "Is that what you want?" she questioned stepping through the door he held open for her. Jay didn't reply following her up the stairs in to the main district reception. "Jay" Lexi began turning to face him as they reached the top of the stairs "do you want to be partnered with someone else today?"

He searched her unhappy blue eyes, he pursed his lips in a straight line, hating to see her sad because of him. "No"

"Good" she told him entering the main district reception.

"Lex wait" he said taking her hand as she walked away. "Can we,"

"Halstead" Trudy called from behind the desk upon seeing them enter interrupting Jay's question. "You've got a visitor" she inclined her head toward the bench on the wall behind them.

Jay and Lexi turned together as Abby walked toward them, focusing in on their entwined hands, which Jay quickly disengaged upon seeing Abby.

"Okay, on that note I'm going to be somewhere other than here" Lexi said disbelief making her shake her head as she turned on her heels to walk away. She couldn't believe Jay had just let go of her hand on account of Abby.

"Lexi wait" Jay called grabbing her hand again before she could get too far away from him. "Abby, this is Lexi, my partner and..." Jay cut himself off not finishing his sentence. Abby stared at Jay open mouthed for a second before composing herself knowing he had been about to say girlfriend. "Lexi this is Abby" Jay introduced them.

Lexi held her hand out to Abby "You're the wife" she jested smirking friendly.

Abby laughed nervously shaking Lexi's hand. "He didn't tell me he had a girlfriend" there was a hint of smugness to Abby's voice.

Lexi wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of confirming she was now his ex-girlfriend. She was trying to take the high road, be the bigger person so she shrugged impassively at Jay's lack of mentioning her. "He didn't tell me he had a wife either, go figure" Lexi joked her humorous smile not quite convincing.

"LEXI" Voight's voiced bellowed from a distance.

"Shit" Lexi said freezing to the spot, not wanting to turn in the direction his voice had come from. "He's pissed right?" she asked looking sideways at Jay, it was a rhetorical question the tone he had called her name was her answer.

Jay glanced quickly toward the cage of the Intelligence steps and could see Voight standing holding the gate open. "Super pissed, veins popping out his head pissed"

"My office, now!" Voight demanded.

"Damn" Lexi said "Abby, it was nice to meet you" she said shaking her hand again. "But my boss is about to murder me" she turned and faced Hank. "Morning Sarg" she called happily walking towards him. "It's a beautiful morning" Lexi joked climbing the stairs "you look dashing as always, is that a new shirt?"

Hank tried to keep a straight face, tried to stay angry at her whilst he held the gate open as she passed through, but Lexi saw the small smirk he quickly hid. "Get your not so charming ass upstairs" he demanded.

"She's funny, I like her" Abby told Jay as Lexi and Hank disappeared up the stairs.

"Me too" Jay laughed bringing his focus back to Abby. "What's up anyway?"

* * *

Lexi followed Hank but was eyeing Jay and Abby, seeing Abby hand Jay his cell phone. "Tell me you didn't go to Riverwalk alone last night?" Hank asked Lexi walking up the stairs to the Intelligence office.

"Okay, I didn't go to Riverwalk alone last night" Lexi smiled sweetly at him taking off her jacket as she approached her desk.

"Lexi, we gotta do this one by the book" He advised critical of her behaviour. "The press is on it now; the brass is coming down hard on me"

"Okay, okay" Lexi said holding her hands in the air surrendering. "Strictly by the book"

"Good" Hank confirmed nodding.

"Where's Jay?" Atwater asked passing them to go to the whiteboard.

"Behind you" Jay answered as he reached the top of the stairs.

Atwater put a picture on the whiteboard "We got a visual from the drug store" he explained facing the team. "They paid cash, so no credit card details. When they realise Kelly's car has gone, they walked three blocks and got on the subway, we're waiting for footage to try and find where they got off"

Lexi walked to the board to get a closer look at the photo. Two white males exiting the drug store. One wore a black baseball cap, obstructing his face but he was holding his right hand across his body, a red tinged bandage wrapped loosely around it.

The other was clearly visible, blond-brown hair, quite handsome, Lexi estimated he was in his late teens, maybe in his last year of high school, he looked angry in the screengrab Atwater has chosen to use. "That's not the guy in the green shorts," Lexi began scrutinizing the photo pointing at the visible kid. "But he could be his brother or cousin or something."

"Run him through facial recognition" Hank commanded looking to Dawson.

"Already running" Dawson confirmed.

"Can you send me that photo?" Lexi asked looking to Atwater "I want to take it to show Emily, maybe she recognises them. The kid looks to be about the same age."

"Yeah, I'll do it now" Atwater agreed walking back to his desk.

Lexi smiled her thanks picking her jacket up and pulling it around her shoulders as her cell phone rang. The screen told her it was Will Halstead, she declined the call putting it in her pocket. Jay noticed but chose not to comment.

* * *

Lexi and Jay walked through the corridor that led to Emily's room. "So, you've declined three calls from my brother since we left the district" Jay aired his observations.

"Those are some top-notch Detective skills Detective Halstead" she quipped

"I happen to be an excellent Detective" he smirked holding the door open for her.

"An excellent Detective?" Lexi questioned laughing stepping through the door. "I'd say more mediocre, average at best"

Jay chuckled following her. "My excellent Detective skills are also telling me your avoiding the question"

"Not avoiding, focusing on other things"

"That really how you want to play this one?" he asked a couple steps behind her.

Lexi turned the corner and saw Emily at the other end of the hall walking back toward her room. Will and a nurse either side of her ready to assist her if she needed it, her Mother behind her smiling at her daughter's small victory. It was a welcome reason to avoid answering Jay's question. "Look at you" Lexi said loudly making Emily look up from her hobbling feet.

Emily was walking slowly but her face lit up with a smile as she saw Lexi and Jay approaching her. "Not even hot Doctor Halstead can keep me in my bed" Emily joked pulling Lexi in to the hug she had promised to give her when she was able to stand up.

"Believe me I've tried" Will jested. "But she's stubborn like someone else I know" he smirked nodding toward Lexi.

Lexi knew he was joking yet half serious, she was being stubborn in not answering his calls, avoiding him. "Can we talk to you for a minute?" Lexi asked Emily, "in your room?"

"Sure" Emily confirmed beginning to walk again "race you" she joked shuffling off slowly.

"Detective Shay" Will called using his authoritative tone of voice as Lexi went to step in to Emily's room after her Mother had entered. Lexi froze mid step.

"Oh shit" Jay commented eyes wide with amusement and a little shock. "He went full Doctor voice on you"

"He really did, didn't he?" Lexi visibly exhaled keeping her back to Will.

Jay stepped around her poking his head around Emily's door, "we'll be in in just a minute" he smiled apologetically pulling the door closed.

Lexi crossed her arms over her chest, subconsciously trying to shield herself from the bad news she was certain Will was about to deliver as she reluctantly turned and faced him.

"You've been avoiding me" Will stated smiling trying to lighten the anxious mood in the air. "I'm almost offended"

"It's nothing personal Doc"

Will stepped closer to her not wanting to talk across the hallway. "Can we go somewhere and talk once you've finished in there?"

She heaved a huge sigh and ran her hands over her face and through her hair. Jay took her hand in his, to show her he was there with her. "I appreciate everything Will, really I do, but,"

Will interrupted her "But you want to avoid me some more?" he nodded understanding this wasn't easy for her. "Putting off the inevitable doesn't make it any less inevitable"

"You get that out of a fortune cookie?" Jay joked.

Lexi and Will both smirked, unable to help themselves. Lexi still smirking spoke, "I promise as soon as all this is over, this case is closed I'll stop avoiding the inevitably inevitable" Will laughed through his nose smiling as Lexi continued, "I just need to focus on this right now, no distractions"

Will nodded his agreement checking his pager as it buzzed at him. "I gotta go, but we need to talk and soon" he told her before racing off.

* * *

Lexi pulled the photo up on her phone as Emily made herself comfortable in her bed. "I need to show you a photo" Lexi began explaining. "It's not the guy who attacked you" she reassured her quickly. If Lexi ever did have a photo of the suspect, she would want to pre-warn Emily, give her a minute to process it before springing it on her in case it stirred up ugly memories. "But we think he may be involved" Emily nodded her eyes flitting from Lexi to the phone she held in her hand. "There's no rush if you need a minute"

"I'm good" Emily confirmed before Lexi handed her the phone. Emily's reaction was immediate, her sharp intake of breath, a hand to her mouth in shock, her pretty blue eyes wide with fear, angry tears spilling from her eyes. Her tone was confident and flat. "That's Billy Evans. He's in a couple of my classes, he asked me to Homecoming last year"

"Okay, you need to tell us everything, every encounter you have ever had with him" Jay clarified sounding hopeful, finally they had a lead. "Nothing is too small"


	10. Identifying Suspects

**Chapter 10 – Identifying Suspects.**

"Okay we got something" Jay announced loudly entering the intelligence floor and walking to the white board. "Meet Billy Evans," he began pointing to the surveillance photo Atwater had pinned up earlier. "17, goes to Southside High with Emily. Billy asked Emily to Homecoming last year, but she politely declined his offer."

"Are you sure it was so polite?" Olinsky questioned interrupting.

"Yes!" Lexi spoke up abruptly, wanting to defend Emily.

"Three different guys asked her, and she said no to all of them, her best friend had just broken up with her boyfriend, so they were going together, making a girls night of it." Jay continued ignoring Lexi's outburst. "However, Emily tore her ACL the week before the dance at a soccer game so couldn't go anyway. She's had a couple other encounters with Billy, was his lab partner for a semester, said he was a nice guy, a bit awkward but she liked him. Didn't have a bad word to say about him actually, nothing that screams he wanted to rape and mutilate her anyway."

"Woo" Burgess said eyes wide as she read from her computer screen. "I checked Billy's social media, he has an older brother, Jordan Evans, graduated from the same college of the same year as our second vic"

Lexi raced to Kim's desk looking at her screen, seeing the photo of Jordan Evans. "That's him!" Lexi confirmed "That's green shorts guy"

"Are you sure?" Dawson asked her.

"I'm sure, I've been dreaming about his face, that's him!" Lexi said tapping the screen excitedly, finally they had a lead, a photo of the potential suspect.

"Okay" Voight's commanding voice bellowed around the office. "I want an address, find them both, bring them in!" Voight demanded as the team swung in to action to get locations of the suspects. "Halstead, Lexi, show Severide and the car thief the photo" Hank demanded striding in to his office. "We need a positive I.D."

"You got it" Lexi nodded her agreement.

* * *

**Thursday February 7** **th** **– Afternoon.**

"Ah crap" Lexi groaned walking toward Firehouse 51 seeing Kelly stood by the Squad 3 table talking to his mother, Jennifer.

"What's up?" Jay queried slowing his pace as did Lexi.

"Kelly's Mom" she explained debating whether to go back to the car and come back later. Lexi continued to walk toward them knowing they had already seen her. She spoke to the floor as she walked. "Look, whatever happens, just go with it"

"What's going to happen?"

Lexi stopped to give her a second to update Jay before they walked in to the unpredictable situation. "I'll explain everything later" she promised beginning to walk again "If she slaps me or you" she shrugged nonchalantly "just let it go"

"Wait why is she going to slap me?" Jay asked innocent confusion furrowing his brow as he followed.

"Hi" Kelly greeted Lexi as she approached him a few steps ahead of Jay. The smile he wore was a little too big for Lexi's liking and she was sure Jay would pick up on it too.

"Hey" Lexi's smile was forced and awkward as she made eye contact with Kelly and Jennifer to include the two of them in her greeting.

"Detective's" Jennifer acknowledged with a tight-lipped smile, her tone flat and cold. "Come to gloat?"

"Mom" Kelly chided her.

Lexi's nostrils flared and she chewed her lip to stop from biting back at her. "We're here on official police business actually"

Jennifer scoffed a look of disgust on her face as she gave Jay a dirty look. "And they couldn't send someone else?"

"What am I missing here?" Jay asked narrowing his eyes sceptically.

"Nothing" Lexi answered swiftly. "You have a minute" she stated guiding Kelly by the arm away from the confrontation before Jennifer could say anything further. Jay followed as Lexi and Kelly walked to the front of the Squad 3 engine, accessing the photo on her phone as she walked.

Kelly took the phone from her and studied the photo, asking "This him?"

"You don't recognise him?" Jay quizzed.

"I mean, it could be, I didn't really look at the guy"

Lexi ground her teeth clenching her jaw, frustrated at having wasted a trip. She couldn't hide her disappointment, she had really wanted Kelly to confirm Jordan was the man they had seen in the green shorts. There was still a chance that Craig, the kid that had stolen Kelly's car from outside the drug store could positively identify Jordan and Billy as the people he stole the car from.

"Sorry" Kelly apologised "I only got a quick glance at him" he explained handing her phone back to her. "I'm sorry about my Mom too" Kelly expressed

"It's fine" Lexi assured him. "Don't sweat it" She began walking away.

"Okay" Jay started speaking quietly stepping in stride beside Lexi heading toward the car. "you have got to tell me what I've done to Kelly's Mom" he pleaded. "I swear I'm kinda worried she's about the jump me from behind and give me a beating" he jokingly glanced quickly over his shoulder. Lexi belly laughed, she wouldn't have put it past Jennifer to hit Jay in defence of her son.

* * *

"You pissed at me?" Lexi asked scrunching up her face in question after she had explained the whole pretending to still be engaged to Kelly for Jennifer's sake then falsely confessing to cheating with Jay when Jennifer had figured out something was off.

"No" Jay said positively shaking his head. "I'm kind of in awe actually" he confessed stopping the car at the curb. Lexi cocked her head needing further explanation. "You're kinda amazing, you know that?" he asked staring at her affectionately.

Lexi looked away from his loving stare, tucking some hair behind her ear shyly. He wouldn't think she was so amazing if he knew she had slept with Kelly last night. "I don't follow"

"After everything Kelly put you through you've still got his back" he explained his reason for thinking she was amazing. "You're still protecting him. You don't want his Mom to think any less of him. It takes a strong person to do something like that"

"Or a slightly unhinged person" Lexi proclaimed her broad jesting smile sparkling in her eyes.

Craig, Mike and their friends were standing on and by the same stoop they had been at the first time Lexi and Jay had met them. Illuminated under the street light that had flickered on as dusk set in. They were all eyeing Jay and Lexi sat in the vehicle, none of them being discreet about it.

"Hey fellas" Lexi addressed the intimidating group of men stopping in front of them.

"Detective's" Mike greeted respectively shaking Lexi's then Jay's hand as Craig pushed through the crowd knowing they were there to see him. "What can we do for you?"

"I need Craig to take a look at a couple photos" Lexi explained handing over her phone to Craig showing the picture of Billy Evans.

"That's the passenger" Craig confirmed nodding at the picture of Billy Evans before swiping to look at the next photo of Jordan Evans. "And that's the driver" There wasn't a hint of doubt in Craig's voice.

"Thank you" Jay said as Craig gave Lexi her phone.

"Appreciate the help" Lexi confirmed as Jay stepped aside to answer his ringing phone.

"Happy to help" Craig told her smiling. "If I can do anything else, let me know"

"Lexi we gotta go" Jay called walking backward toward the car, his eyes told Lexi it was bad news. Lexi thanked them again before following Jay. "They just found another body. East side, ear missing"

* * *

**Thursday February 7** **th** **– Night.**

Blue lights flashed around the desolate car park of the abandoned office building. Crime technicians were doing their jobs, taking photos, collecting evidence from the body that had been found by a group of eight teenagers looking for somewhere to drink and make out. The third yet unidentified victim had been raped, had her ear cut off but also had a bullet in her back. She had fought back, she had tried to run and got a bullet to the back for her efforts.

Burgess, Ruzek, Voight, Halstead, Lexi and Olinsky were taking statements, talking to the crime techs and the responding police officers.

Dawson and Atwater were sitting on Jordan Evan's apartment, waiting for him to return home. Billy Evans and his parents had abruptly left town that morning, asking a neighbour to look after their dog stating they had to attend a family emergency. Jordan hadn't been home when Dawson and Atwater had arrived this afternoon to question him, but there was no evidence he had accompanied his family on their last minute get away.

Lexi and Jay stood by Jay's car speaking to two of the female teenagers who had identified themselves as Tracey and Joanne. Joanne was visibly shaken by what she had seen, Tracey seemed stronger and was managing to keep it together for the moment. "We come here a lot" Tracey explained "it's quiet, no one bothers us, most of the windows are still intact so it's not too cold"

"When was the last time you were here?" Jay questioned.

"Two nights ago." Tracey confirmed as Lexi excused herself to answer a call on her cell phone from an unrecognised number.

"Detective Shay"

"Detective it's Craig" he spoke quietly and quickly. "I'm outside the drug store and that guy just walked in"

Lexi held the phone away from her mouth shouting for Voight before speaking to Craig. "Okay, are you sure it's him?"

"Positive" Craig confirmed. "Want me to follow him, he didn't drive here?"

"Give me a second" Lexi told him before explaining the situation to Hank. "Do you want him to follow him?"

Hank shook his head his voice conveying his answer was definite "No"

"Sarge, this could be our shot" Lexi challenged her eyes pleading.

"No, we don't know what this guy's capable of! We can't have a kid following him in to god knows what" Lexi began to speak again Voight's raised voice cut her off. "I said no Detective"

"Craig" Lexi spoke in to the phone keeping eye contact with Hank. "Back off." She spat heatedly. "We're heading over there now" Craig confirmed he understood before Lexi hung up.

"Go! Get over there" Hank told her before walking away. "Ruzek, Burgess, go with them!" he demanded.

Lexi sent a message to Craig as she ran to the car instructing him to follow Jordan but to keep his distance and to keep her updated on their location.

"Please tell me you didn't do what I think you just did" Jay implored getting in to the driver seat of his car.

"Just drive" Lexi commanded pulling on her seatbelt.


	11. Insubordination

 

**Thursday February 7** **th** **– Night.**

"He just got off the subway on Carlton Avenue" Lexi told Jay reading the information from her phone. "It's like two blocks from here, go"

Jay put his foot to the floor, as Lexi switched off the siren and lights, not wanting to alert Jordan to their presence and give him chance to run. "Craig" Lexi answered her phone ignoring Burgess call over the radio asking for their location.

"He's walking down Carlton, toward the bike shop" Craig explained whispering in to his phone.

"Okay, I'm right behind you, I'll be there in a minute"

Jay took the corner too fast and wide, ending up on the other side of the street. Luckily it was a quiet part of town with no traffic around at the late hour. Lexi's eyes rapidly scanned the street looking for any sign of Craig or Jordan.

"There" Lexi yelled pointing to someone running back on to the street having come from the side of a building. "It's Jordan"

"I got him, I got him" Jay acknowledged slamming his foot on to the accelerator.

Lexi keyed her radio alerting CPD and the Intelligence Team. "50-21 in pursuit of a suspect on Carlton Avenue. Suspect on foot, wearing blue jeans, a black jacket, navy-blue baseball cap and white sneakers."

She threw the switch to turn on the siren and lights as they gained on Jordan, he turned whilst running and fired three rounds from his gun, one hitting the bonnet of the car, the other two hitting the windshield cracking it, completely obstructing their vision.

"Shit" Jay said spinning the car to a stop. They both jumped out pulling their weapons from their holsters. "You okay?" he shouted at Lexi.

"Yes, I'm good, let's go" she responded taking off running after Jordan.

"Chicago PD stop" Jay yelled as Jordan disappeared around the corner at the end of the street. They gave chase turning the corner in time to see Jordan drag a man from his car before stealing it and peeling away in cloud of smoke. They were too far away to chase him, too far away to see the number plate.

"Craig!" Lexi remembered quickly as a Ruzek and Burgess pulled up beside them. Lexi turned and ran back in the direction of their car as Jay updated Adam and Kim, instructing them to assist the victim of the car jacking.

Panic and adrenaline made Lexi's feet move, "CRAIG" she screamed down the street as she ran. "CRAIG" she raced around the corner where she had seen Jordan appear from finding Craig lying on the floor, breathing deeply and holding a wound on his left shoulder, trying to stem the heavy flow of blood. "Oh shit" she fell to her knees beside him putting pressure on the wound. Craig screamed at the pressure and the pain it caused. "You're okay, you're okay" Lexi assured him.

Lexi heard Jay turn the corner and immediately call for help. "50-21, we need an ambo at our location, we have a male with a gunshot wound to his front left shoulder. Be advised plain clothes officers on scene"

"I followed him down here and he jumped me" Craig explained taking short breaths.

"It's ok, you did good, you did good"

"Am I going to die?" Craig asked his eyes full of fear.

"No, no Craig look at me" Lexi leant over him a bit more so she could look in his eyes. "You see my partner here, his brother is a Doctor, a surgeon." Lexi explained trying to reassure the wounded boy. "I was bleeding out, worse than this, more than you are right now and he saved my life. The ambulance is on the way, we're going to get you to the hospital and he's going to help you too, I promise!"

* * *

Lexi stood by the glass window watching the doctors work on Craig, rushing around, hanging up bags of blood, preparing the tools they would need to help him. Jay stood beside her, a comforting hand on her shoulder. "You gonna tell me I'm not responsible for this one?" she asked him numbly.

"Detective Shay" Mike bellowed marching toward her a look of worry on his face.

"Mike" Lexi greeted Craig's brother. "He's okay, Doctor's are working on him now" she assured him pushing him back from entering the room. "He's going to be fine"

"Detective Shay" Commander Fischer called striding down the corridor flanked by Voight and Olinsky.

"Excuse me Mike" Lexi began smiling apologetically at him "I'm about to be fired"

"Because of Craig?" Mike enquired, he stepped closer to her turning his back to the stern looking men walking toward them. He spoke quietly. "We've got your back" he winked at her confirming his meaning.

Lexi thanked him with a quick twitch of her lips. "With me, now" Commander Fischer demanded holding the door of the Doctor's Lounge open. "You too Detective Halstead"

Lexi and Jay entered the lounge, Lexi avoiding looking at Hank who stood in the middle of the room, arms folded across his chest looking as pissed as he had ever looked. "Take a seat Detective's" Commander Fischer suggested.

Lexi wasn't going to take this lightly. "I'd rather stand"

"Fine" the Commander agreed closing the door. "I understand you had a call from the victim shortly before the assault?"

Lexi nodded speaking professionally, hiding her fury, she was angry at herself for allowing it to happen. "That's correct. He had sight of the suspect in a drug store, the victim asked if I wanted him to follow the suspect"

"And your answer was?"

"I followed the orders from my Sergeant and told him to back off" Lexi's lack of eye contact with Hank whilst she spoke wasn't wasted on the Commander.

"How did you find the victim?"

"He called me, told me he had followed the suspect against my instructions, and he advised me of their location" Lexi explained calmly. "Should I get my FOP rep?"

Commander Fischer sighed exasperated at her. "I'm going to need your badge and gun, you're suspended."

"Sarge" Jay pleaded looking to Voight waiting for him to step in on Lexi's behalf.

"It's fine" Lexi said holding a hand up to Jay from saying any more in her defence. She didn't need Jay being suspended too. "I could do with the rest anyway" Lexi remarked in defiance staring down Commander Fischer. She took her gun and badge from her hip and walked to Voight handing them to him, a small smirk played on his lips at her last act of insubordination toward her Commander.

"I'll hold on to these for you" Voight told her "as soon we can talk to the kid and get this all straightened out, you'll be having these back"

"You know where to find me" Lexi assured him.

"That I do" Voight confirmed his tone told her he wasn't done with that conversation, he had a few more choice words for her.

"I swear this unit will be the sole cause of my fatal heart attack" Commander Fischer spat walking out of the room slamming the door.

"Sit" Voight commanded Lexi as soon as the door closed. Lexi immediately followed his orders sitting on the nearest chair. "You disobeyed a direct order"

"I'm sorry" Lexi said simply, she wasn't going to try to defend her reasoning, Hank knew why she had done it.

Hank's angered voice raised in volume. "Don't tell it to me, tell it to the teenager bleeding out in the street"

"Sarge, he's going to be okay" Jay spoke up.

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT" Voight's bellowing voice reverberated off the walls of the small room. "A KID IS HURT AND THE SUSPECT KNOW'S WE'RE ON TO HIM!"

Lexi let silence fill the room for a minute, letting the emotions subside. "This is on me. Jay was only backing me up like he's supposed to"

"I know that!" Voight told her his annoyed tone telling her he didn't need her to state the obvious.

"The kid, Craig, will back me up" Lexi explained, "what I told Commander Fischer will be the official story."

Voight nodded his understanding. "I'll get your suspension lifted tomorrow" he advised calmly, the heat of the moment having passed. "but I don't want you back until Monday!" Lexi started to protest, Hank's commanding voice shut her down, "MONDAY! Take the weekend and think about how wrong tonight could have gone!" Hank dismissed her by leaving the room followed by Olinsky.

Lexi let Hank's word sink in, how bad could things have gone tonight? Craig could have been killed, Jordan could have hurt or killed her or Jay when he fired on them. The adrenaline and high running emotions overtook her, and she cried in to her hands. Jay immediately went to her embracing her in a tight comforting hug.

Someone knocked on the door then entered without waiting for a reply. "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't realise" Abby said stopping halfway through the door.

"Oh, now my days complete" Lexi laughed completely lacking humour. She stood and wiped her hands down her tear-soaked face.

"I'm sorry, I came in to talk to Jay" Abby explained.

"He's all yours" Lexi smiled insincerely crossing the room. "Talk, screw, hey get married again, do whatever you want, I'm past caring right now"

"Lexi!" Jay called after her, he didn't like this side to her. The bitchy attitude, a hint of defeat to her voice. Lexi ignored him as she shouldered past Abby in the door way. "Abby, now really isn't a good time"

"I just wanted to tell you the divorce papers came through" Abby advised walking further in to the room "I was going to bring them by your place later" she flirted with a smile.

"That's not such a good idea" Jay sighed.

"That's not what you said last night" she said stepping closer to him and lightly pressing herself against him.

Jay took a step back. "I told you that was a mistake"

"What? Because of her?" Abby spat maliciously.

Jay sighed running his hands through his hair frustrated. "Abby I'm sorry" he put a sympathetic hand on her shoulder "but I'm not going to do this again"

Abby pushed his hand from her shoulder angrily. "The papers are in my locker, come with me!"

* * *

Jay ascended the stairs toward his apartment, dragging his feet, walking slowly. He had only spoken to Abby for maybe five minutes, finally signing his divorce papers with Will as the witness. Then he borrowed Will's car, as his car was currently a crime scene, with the promise to pick him up from work later.

Jay had drove the route he thought Lexi would walk home, he had left the hospital no more than fifteen minutes behind her, she couldn't have walked that far, only he hadn't found her. He guessed she had jumped in a cab.

Jay had drove to her apartment, no lights were on and she hadn't answered the door. He had checked in Molly's, Otis had told him she hadn't been in there. He thought about going to Kelly's but changed his mind and went home.

Jay fished his keys from his pocket reaching the landing, he paused a few steps from his door seeing Lexi sat on the floor leaning against his door. "Hi" she said softly.

"Hey" he replied helping her up. They stood staring at one another for a minute neither one knowing where to start. "You should have let yourself in" Jay suggested after a minute before stepping around her and unlocking the door.

Lexi didn't comment following him through the door, not sure how to explain she would have felt awkward and wrong somehow being in his apartment without him there.

Lexi walked through in to the living room and stood looking out of his window, down at the street. She couldn't remember the last time she had been at his place, it felt a little strange. She had lived there for a while, it had always been a place of refuge for her. It was where she would go when she needed a friend, a place she always felt safe, loved, wanted, needed. Now it felt like a lie, like all those times she had found solace there, felt safe in Jay's arms had been a lie.

"Here" he said handing her an open bottle of beer pulling her from her thoughts. She smiled her thanks and took a long pull, savouring the cold bubbly liquid. "This isn't a social call is it?" he asked after swallowing a mouthful of his own beer. Lexi's head shake showed how miserable she felt. "What the hell was that back there? 'He's all yours'" Jay quoted

"I've tried Jay, I've tried to forgive you, to put myself in your shoes, tried to see it all from your perspective but I can't" Lexi's sigh was full of anguish and hurt. "I just can't, and now you're freaking wife keeps popping up and I can't pretend everything's all good, I won't!"

"I know it's not all good." Jay confessed sounding glum. "And I'm not asking you to forgive me"

"Then what are you asking of me Jay? What do you want from me? From us?" Lexi began to rant. "I can't deal with this sitting in limbo, wondering what's going on with us, trying to decipher what mood you're in, are you mad at me? Are you flirting with me? Do you love me? Do you hate me? Which is it?"

"All of the above" he confessed.

They stood in silence both contemplating their next words.

"I had this whole speech ready to tell you how I feel, but now I'm looking at you none of it makes sense" Lexi's tears spilled over. "None of it makes sense Jay, I've tried to forgive you, I want so bad to forgive you. To go back to how things were…" she couldn't finish her sentence, she took a deep breath reining in her feelings.

He sat down on the sofa, exhausted physically and emotionally. He knew Lexi needed a minute to compose herself. "if it helps, I'm officially divorced" he informed her.

Lexi laughed without humour as she sat beside him. "Congratulations" she toasted clinking her bottle against his.

They both drank from their bottles gathering their thoughts. Jay's divorce being official didn't change the fact that they were broken. The damage had been done, the crash of their relationship had been set in motion and was only going to gain momentum, especially after Lexi had slept with Kelly and Jay had spent the night with Abby.

Lexi took a deep breath not wanting to ask her next question, not wanting confirmation of a fact she already knew to be true yet needing to know. "You spent the night with Abby, right?" Jay looked confused prompting Lexi to continue "You left your cell phone at her place, she bought it to the district to you this morning."

Jay having sex with Abby had to be the only explanation for her returning his cell phone to him. Lexi assumed Jay simply been preoccupied with Abby, his phone hadn't even crossed his mind. She preferred to think Jay had woken and rushed to escape, maybe worrying about being late to pick Lexi up, forgetting his phone in his haste to leave.

She hoped it was the latter.

Jay couldn't control his shamefaced expression and he didn't need to speak to tell Lexi that she was right. "That's why I didn't ask about Kelly" he admitted sombrely. Jay shook his head at both of their misdemeanours drinking the last of his beer to keep his anger in check.

Jay had known Lexi had slept with Kelly, he had seen Kelly leave her apartment this morning. Why else would Kelly have been there so early? When Jay had seen Kelly leave, he wanted to believe they had been working out together, then Kelly had gone back to her apartment for breakfast. However, Kelly hadn't been dressed for exercise and the grin on his face as he walked to his car Jay knew what it meant. He had worn the same grin himself numerous times after being with Lexi.

Jay hadn't questioned Lexi on Kelly's presence as he had spent the night with Abby, but it didn't make him any less furious to know Lexi had been with Kelly.

Lexi didn't want to confirm his thoughts, didn't want to lie to him, yet wasn't going to apologise for it either. "We're stuck Jay" Lexi recognised "Neither of us know what to do around the other. We're in limbo. Afraid to admit it, say it out loud. But actions speak louder than words."

Silence surrounded them. Lexi's heart was breaking, or was it already broken, it was hard to tell lately. They had broken up, they both knew it but neither of them could accept it was over.

Lexi thought back to all her arguments with Kelly. All the fights they had over trivial things, screaming matches about forgotten things now. It was hard to not compare Jay and Kelly. But she knew if she had been having this conversation with Kelly, their voices would be raised, maybe some broken dishes, spiteful words would have been said.

Maybe the fact Jay and Lexi would still have to work together made the situation more civil, because they both had some much respect and admiration for one another made them both want to end their relationship on good terms.

Or was it simply because they were both still so in love, neither one believed this was a permanent arrangement and wanted to preserve what they could.

"So, who has to say it?" Jay queried quietly "who has to say the words?"

One of them had to say it aloud, make it clear there wasn't any chance of a reconciliation, not right now.

Lexi inhaled and then slowly released it, her voice quivering as she said. "It's over, we're over." Jay's gaze travelled from the floor to the ceiling, Lexi watched him from the corner of her eye as he took a few deep breaths. "No more flirting, absentminded touches and kisses" she demanded. "I still want you in my life" Lexi stated, "as my partner and friend, if that's okay?"

Jay nodded rapidly agreeing. "Of course, I wouldn't want anyone else to have my back"

Jay's cell phone rang. "It's Will" he explained before answering the call. Lexi took the opportunity to stand up ready to leave. "Yeah ok, give me half hour" Jay told Will following Lexi through his apartment to the door. "Hey, hold up" Jay said reaching for her hand. Lexi allowed him to stop her from walking and turned to face him. "Can I get a hug?"

Lexi reached out wrapping her arms around his neck and he squeezed her against him, his arms firmly around her waist, kissing the top of her head. "I love you" he whispered.

"I love you too" she sighed in to him before swiftly letting go of him and speeding away.


	12. Three Rules Of Intelligence

 

**Friday February 8** **th** **– Morning.**

"Abby" Lexi called to get her attention as she walked through the corridors of Chicago Med.

Abby stopped walking hearing her name turning as Lexi stood before her. "Hi" Abby greeted unable to mask her sceptical tone. She smiled but it didn't quite convey the friendly voice she used "What can I do for your Detective?"

"I understand your Emily Donoghue's counsellor" Lexi stated rather than asked, Abby confirmed Lexi's statement with a nod of her head. "I wanted to run something by you"

Abby's demeanour softened realising Lexi was there to discuss a patient and not Jay. "Okay sure"

"There was a kid admitted last night, Craig. I can't go in to the particulars, but it was the same guy that hurt Emily." Lexi informed her "Craig got hurt trying to help. I was thinking of introducing him to Emily. I figure she's seen nothing but adults all week, she's probably going a little stir-crazy sitting in her room so thought it would do them both some good"

Abby's smile was genuine and agreeing. "I don't see why that would be a problem." She advised. "Just run it by Emily first, make sure she's up for it" Lexi nodded her understanding. "You already did, didn't you?" Abby concluded.

Lexi chuckled apologetically. She wasn't going to say it but asking Abby's opinion had been an after-thought.

Abby chewed the inside of her cheek laughing without humour. "Look we're going to have to work together, see each other around" she started. "So, about Jay and me…"

Lexi held her hands up and tried to make her smile friendly. She wasn't there to talk about Jay and frankly didn't want to discuss him with Abby. "I don't want to hear it" Lexi told her "Whatever is between you and Jay, is none of my business"

"If I had known he had a girlfriend I never would have slept with him or…" Abby wasn't apologising for her actions, she wanted to throw it in Lexi's face.

"Or what?" Lexi asked incredulously "Not married him?" Lexi didn't believe that for a second, she had an idea of the kind of woman Abby was.

"Yes" Abby spat defensively.

"Abby, I don't know you, but I do know that that's bullshit! You're staying in Chicago because of him" Lexi's annoyance was beginning to leak through. "You can say it was because of a promotion or a job opportunity but we both know he was the reason" she took a deep breath subduing her irritation, changing it to mockery. "I mean did he even ask you to stay? Tell you he wants you here? He signed the divorce papers, right?" Lexi surveyed Abby as she clenched her jaw, Lexi had hit a nerve, Abby was pissed off. "You know what? I'm not going to do this" Lexi reasoned without giving Abby chance to respond. "I'm not going to be the woman fighting another woman over a guy" Lexi advised before walking away.

* * *

Lexi knocked on the open door poking her head around to see Craig sitting up in the bed and Mike sat in the chair beside him. "Morning" she greeted with a wide genuine smile.

Mike switched off the tv with the remote and motioned for her to enter. "Hey Detective" Craig greeted mimicking her smile.

"Please call me Lexi" Lexi asked showing them her hip "see no badge today."

"We spoke to your Sergeant earlier" Mike explained pulling up another chair for Lexi to sit down. "He told us you were suspended"

"He's one intense guy" Craig commented looking scared.

Lexi looked embarrassed and ashamed as she sat down but laughed jokingly, "you don't know the half of it". She was sure Hank would have been on his best behaviour when he had spoken to Mike and Craig, he would have wanted to keep them on Lexi's side.

"Were you suspended because of me?" Craig asked his expression sad and apologetic.

"No" she told him firmly. "I was suspended because of me! Because of something I did!" Lexi paused for a second wanting her words to get through to him. Technically she shouldn't be there, there was an ongoing investigation, she had spoken to Kim before going to the hospital to ensure Craig had given his statement. Otherwise Lexi's visit could have looked like coercion, but she quite frankly didn't care. "I didn't come to talk about me anyway" she told him. "I came to see how you were doing?"

Craig looked nonchalant and tried to look macho "Me? I'm fine, just a flesh wound" he laughed eyeing Lexi sideways. He hadn't been laughing the night before, he had asked if he were going to die.

"Good, glad to hear it." Lexi's tone switched to bright and bubbly "So Mr. Flesh Wound, there's someone who wants to meet you, if you're up for it?"

Craig frowned looking confused, "okay" he agreed sceptically.

Lexi smiled jumping up from her chair enthusiastically. She raced out of the room returning seconds later pushing Emily in a wheelchair. "Craig, I would like you to meet Emily" Lexi introduced them putting the brakes on Emily's wheelchair beside Craig's bed.

Craig held out his hand a little sheepishly expecting Emily to shake it. "Lexi told me what happened, what you did to try and catch the man who hurt me" Emily explained standing up. "Would it be ok for me to give you a hug?"

"Um, yeah sure" Craig agreed. "I'd like that"

Lexi watched them embrace motioning for Mike to leave the room with her. Giving the two teenagers some time alone.

Mike and Lexi stood outside the room looking through the window watching their interaction. Craig had swung his legs off the bed and Emily sat beside him. They were talking, both looking a tad awkward and shy. Craig must have asked Emily a question about something she was passionate about, her whole attitude changed, her face lit up and she became animated using her hands to describe something. Emily did a little kick with her leg as a demonstration and Lexi realised Craig must have asked her about soccer.

"We covered for you" Mike confirmed smiling as he spied on his brother.

"I know." Lexi advised, "Thank you."

* * *

Lexi strolled the corridors of Chicago Med searching for Doctor Halstead. She had been to the emergency department and a nurse had told her Will was taking a break. Lexi had called him asking him where in the hospital he was to save time wondering aimlessly looking for him.

"I'm in the cafeteria, third floor" Will explained to Lexi.

"Okay, I'll be there in two minutes" she advised stepping in to the elevator.

Lexi approached the security doors of the private staff only cafeteria. Entry required a security pass, it was a place for the hospital staff to take much needed breaks without patients or visitors being able to disturb them.

Lexi opened a new message on her phone ready to text Will and tell him she was outside.

"You don't have authority to go in there" Abby said shouldering past Lexi before putting her security badge to the pad on the wall, the light changing to green. Abby's face contorted into a self-satisfied sneer. "From what I hear you don't have the authority to speaking to my patients either, weren't you suspended?"

Lexi wanted to punch the smug smirk off Abby's face, but fixed her own face in to a somewhat friendly smile, she wasn't going to let Abby's pettiness annoy her. Will exited the cafeteria, apologising for almost hitting Abby with the door.

Abby switched her smile to a welcoming friendly grin "Oh hey Doctor…"

Will completely dismissed her to greet Lexi with a broad beaming smile. "How's my favourite Chicago Detective?" Will asked cheerily putting an arm around Lexi's neck as they walked away.

Lexi knew Will hadn't intentionally shunned Abby he just hadn't been paying much attention, focusing on Lexi. She side eyed Abby over Will's arm and took pleasure in seeing Abby's aggravation at Will's behaviour toward Lexi. Lexi wanted to kiss Will for his cheery, brotherly greeting. It was a score to Lexi showing Abby how close she was with Jay's family.

Lexi waited until they were far enough away that Abby wouldn't be able to hear them. "I figured it was time to stop avoiding my beloved Doctor. Can we go somewhere and talk?"

"I know just the place" Will advised leading her away.

* * *

Will had taken Lexi to the hospital roof. Lexi was speechless for a minute taking in the views of Chicago. The view from Shay's rooftop was amazing but it was nothing compared to this. You could see for miles, the big city sky scrapers, the river, uptown, downtown. It was breathtakingly beautiful. The clear, blue skies of the cold February morning made it seem like you could see to the edge of the earth.

"Wow" Lexi commented wonder and awe making her eyes widen.

"It never gets old" Will admitted "no matter how many times I come up here"

Lexi understood why, everywhere she looked she was noticing something new. "Lay it on me Doc, how long have I got?" she joked. She knew it wasn't a life or death scenario she just wanted to make light of the situation, to show Will there were no hard feelings for him having to be the bearer of bad news.

Will smiled sympathetically at her, turning away from the wonderful view and crossing his arms over his chest. "The test results were what I anticipated" he explained, "It would be difficult for you to conceive, maybe almost impossible" Lexi nodded knowingly, she had expected this, it wasn't exactly a shock. Will's face conveyed a ray of hope as he explained, "I have a friend back in New York, he's a fertility specialist. He owes me a couple favours, if or when you're ready to have a little Lexi or a mini Jay, he'll help you out"

The mention of Jay broke Lexi's tough demeanour, the tears streamed from her eyes, but she managed to stop the sob in her throat before it escaped. "Hey, come on now" Will started a jesting smile on his lips, "A mini Jay wouldn't be that bad!"

Lexi laughed along with Will, thankful for his light-hearted comment to break the tension. "Thank you for everything Will" she said gratefully. Lexi didn't know how she was ever going to thank Will for all he had done for her, saving her life had only been the start. He had become a good friend to her, a good listener and a shoulder to cry on when she needed. She would never be able to repay him for all he had done.

* * *

**Friday February 8** **th** **– Afternoon.**

Lexi wiped her greasy hands on a napkin and took a sip of her coke. She had returned home from the hospital, then cleaned her apartment top to bottom. The cleaning had made her ravenous, so she had walked to her favourite burger joint a few blocks from the district.

The double cheeseburger with pickles, jalapenos and barbeque sauce with a side of spicy fries had lifted her spirits. It was nice to eat a hot lunch without thinking about having to rush to follow a lead or eating in the car amidst a case.

Her small piece of bliss was broken by her cell phone ringing. "Hey Hank"

"Where are you?" he was angry, his lack of greeting and manner made that clear.

"In the burger joint on sixth" Lexi told him knowing he would know where she was. "Why what's up?"

"Dawson's on his way to pick you up, I need you at the district"

"Okay, I'll be waiting outside" Lexi assumed it was something to do with the case. Though she had been suspended they may still have needed her to discuss something.

"Don't talk to anyone, don't answer your phone, keep a low profile" Hank demanded.

Hank's demand confused Lexi, but she knew better than to ask what was happening. If she asked what was wrong Hank wouldn't tell her over the phone. "Understood" Lexi advised waving the waitress over to ask for her bill.

* * *

"Take a seat" Hank commanded Lexi pointing at her chair. The faces of her colleagues told her it was bad news. Dawson had remained tight lipped on their journey to the district, telling Lexi she should wait to speak with Voight. Lexi sat at her desk as instructed worry written all over her face.

Lexi's brain went in to overdrive, what had she done wrong now? She felt like a school kid being told off by the principle. She was trying to think about all the things she could possibly have done to make Hank so mad. Going to see Craig at the hospital had been a bad idea, but it wouldn't make Hank as angry as he was.

Hank stood in front of her, looming over her almost. Hands in his pockets, chewing his lip with anger. "You wanna tell me how the local Channel 5 news know your name, have your picture and know your involvement in the Riverwalk case? Know you were suspended for what they are calling 'reckless endangerment of a minor'?"

"What?" Lexi exclaimed confusion removing the worry from her features. "I have no idea."

"They've run the story three times already on the two o'clock news" Olinsky offered up.

Lexi stood too amped up to sit down. There weren't many rules in the intelligence unit, Hank asked they follow only three.

1\. Tell Hank the truth so he can lie for you.

2\. No one plays hero, always have back-up.

3\. Never get your picture in the paper or on the news.

Lexi's career was done, her picture was on the news, she couldn't work undercover again, would never be able to go undetected in the criminal world. Her position in the intelligence unit could be over. "Sarge, you don't seriously think this was me, do you?"

Hank hesitated before answering surveying Lexi's face for signs of guilt or lies. Finding no evidence of either he asked, "Who else knows you were suspended?"

"Other than the people in this room and CPD officials" Lexi listed beginning to pace in the small space behind her desk. "Craig, his brother Mike"

"They wouldn't have ratted though" Jay spoke up. "They're on our side"

Lexi stopped pacing looking directly at Jay then back at Hank. She sighed deeply, the pieces falling in to place. "There was someone else, Abby McSweeney"

"Jay's ranger buddy?" Atwater asked innocently. "The new counsellor at Chicago Med"

Lexi wasn't sure when Abby had been introduced to the team, but she was relieved Jay had introduced her as his ranger friend. "We had words this morning" she confessed. "She made a point to tell me she knew I'd been suspended. That I didn't have authority to be speaking to her patients"

"Words about what?" Hank queried.

Lexi tried to brush off his question, "It's a long irrelevant story."

Hank raised his voice annoyed at her dismissal of a direct question. "Don't give me that crap"

Lexi looked to Jay asking for permission with her eyes. Jay averted his eyes, nervously running a hand over his mouth, "go ahead" he agreed exhaling.

"She's not just Jay's friend, they um," Lexi cleared her throat she didn't want to say the words aloud. "They got married, in Vegas. Abby's here because she wants to be with Jay." She allowed the team to take in the news before continuing. "I made a remark about Jay not wanting her here, that their divorced now and it hit a nerve"

"Burgess, Ruzek go talk to her now." Hank commanded. "Dawson, Atwater call the news station get them to give up their source and tell them to cut the story, or we'll arrest them for impeding an ongoing investigation."

Lexi watched the team spring in to action, a pang of jealously at their having something to do. "I guess I should leave"

Hank disagreed shaking his head. "You need to walk me through your morning!"

* * *

Lexi and Hank sat in the kitchen, Hank was trying to be informal rather than being in his office, but it didn't stop Lexi from feeling the annoyance that was exuberating from him. Alvin and Jay stood leaning against the counter top.

"Are you sure no one else knew you were suspended?" Jay asked. He wasn't quite ready to accept the fact Abby was the news source, if she was then it was Jay's fault. Lexi had been right when she said Abby was in Chicago because of him, Abby's actions were a direct result of her wanting to be with Jay.

Lexi described her morning in detail, maybe she had forgot a conversation she had with someone. She explained she had called Burgess to confirm Craig had given his statement, then gone to the hospital. Spoke with Emily about Craig, asking if she would like to be introduced to him. Discussed the introduction and Jay, to some degree, with Abby, then visited Craig. "I introduced Emily and Craig. Spoke to his brother, Mike, for a couple minutes outside the room then went to find Doctor Halstead"

"What did you and the Doc talk about?" Alvin questioned. "How long were you with him for? Could someone have overheard you?"

Lexi took a deep breath, there was no way to explain her conversation with Will without revealing the test results. "Maybe fifteen, twenty minutes. No one overheard us, he took me to the roof for privacy"

"Did you tell him you were suspended?" Hank queried, "Why the roof?"

She noticed Jay shuffle his feet uncomfortably, he knew what she was about to say. "We discussed my fertility" she explained softly. "Will was worried about permanent damage, he ran some test, he was giving me the results" her monotone and sombre expression told them the conclusion had been bad news.

Dawson knocked on the open door. "That was Ruzek" he said shaking his phone as explanation. "Abby is refusing to speak to anyone but Jay. They are bringing her in"

* * *

Jay sat across the table from Abby in an interrogation room Dawson beside him. Antonio had explained he had to be in the room as per procedure. Even though Abby had insisted she would only speak with Jay. Abby had rolled her eyes at him but didn't protest.

"Okay, you got me." Jay started frustration oozing form his tone. "Talk"

"Is she watching?" Abby queried looking at the one-way glass.

Jay shook his head, "No, it's just us" he lied. He knew the whole team were watching and he was certain Hank would have allowed Lexi to observe too.

She cocked her head to the side frowning, "Is this going to take long? I have a date"

Jay slammed his fist down on the table. "Stop playing games Abby"

Antonio sat forward on his chair taking charge. "Do you realise you've compromised a Chicago police officer? You leaked confidential information! We know you're the source, the news station gave you up." It was a bluff, they had refused to give up their source, but Abby didn't need to know that. "We could charge you with about five different offences, all of which carry five to fifteen years!"

Abby's face switched from smugness to fear, would they really charge her with a crime? "I didn't know her suspension wasn't common knowledge!"

Antonio threw his hands up in the air and pushed himself away from the desk, she was pissing him off. "Don't give me that shit! She's an Intelligence Detective, you know that!"

Jay joined in the interrogation reaching Antonio's level of anger. "Emily Donoghue or Craig Thomas or both confided in you, confided in their counsellor, believing what they said was confidential like it should have been, but you used the information for your own personal gain! Tell me what the plan was here Abs?" Jay queried, "I'm curious"

Abby shrugged indifferently, like it was all just a bit of fun. "I guess I wasn't thinking! I just wanted to hurt her somehow, get her in to trouble"

"You released her name and identity to the whole city" Dawson shouted unable to control his rage. "Including the murderous rapist, we're currently after that's getting her in to a bit more than trouble!"

Abby ignored Dawson keeping eye contact with Jay. "I don't know what you see in her" She started her face showing disgust and indifference "she's nothing special, she's just a barren bitch!"

Jay's reaction was instantaneous, he stood from his chair with such force it slid across the floor and hit the wall behind him. "I want you out of my city" Jay spat irately through gritted teeth. "You've got until Monday" Abby pleaded for Jay to stay and talk to her as he and Dawson exited the room.

* * *

The words 'barren bitch' seemed to echo off the walls of the observation room. Lexi felt every set of eyes on her, they all knew what Abby had said was true, Jay's reaction confirmed it. Abby must have accessed Lexi's medical records whilst at the hospital, it was the only way she could have known.

"I want her medical license revoked and the board informed" Hank advised the room speaking to no one in particular. He wanted Abby punished on Lexi's behalf. "If she's not gone by Monday, I want her charged"

Lexi stared at Abby through the glass, who had begun to cry. The realisation that she had crossed a line causing her to lose Jay, she could be in serious trouble finally having set in.

Jay opened the door to the observation room, Dawson behind him in the corridor. "Can we have a minute?" Jay asked indicating he wanted to speak to Lexi alone. The team obliged leaving Lexi and Jay in the room alone. Jay closed the door softly, Lexi continued to stare at Abby. Maybe if she looked hard enough, stared long enough, she could figure out where it all went wrong. When her life went from happy in love with Jay, enjoying her job, dealing with her past traumas to this! Miserable, broken, missing Jay, alone, her job in jeopardy.

"I'm so sorry" Jay explained quietly nudging her elbow as way of asking her to face him. "I feel like all this is my fault. I bought her in to our lives"

He was right, Abby was there because of him, caused trouble because of him. Lexi didn't have it in her to reassure him or tell him she didn't blame him. She wasn't one hundred percent sure she didn't blame Jay. Blame him for pushing her away, marrying Abby, Abby being in Chicago, Abby actively trying to ruin her life.

Lexi didn't turn to face him, she was worried she might slap him, her blood was boiling with fury, she spoke to the glass not trusting herself to look him in the eye. "Honestly Jay, I'm all talked out" she sighed wearily.

"All talked out generally or all talked out talking to me?"

"You pick" she offered before walking out the room.


	13. Self-righteous Douche Bag

 

**Friday February 8** **th** **– Evening.**

Lexi and Hank had spent two hours in Commander Fischer's office. Talking through the events involving Craig and the latest drama concerning Abby. Abby had been released without charge on the promise she would leave Chicago.

Hank had convinced the Commander to lift Lexi's suspension. Promising Commander Fischer it was better she be somewhere Hank could watch her and keep her out of trouble.

"Thank you" Lexi told Hank walking back up to the intelligence floor.

"I still want you to take the weekend" Hank advised her. "Come back fresh on Monday"

Lexi nodded understanding, she wasn't going to argue with him. They had spent enough time today focusing on Lexi and the trouble she had caused, pulling focus from the main investigation of finding Jordan Evans.

"Hank, what happens now?" Lexi asked looking completely lost following him to his office door. "I mean I'm burnt, my face has been on every tv screen in Chicago, I'm done right? What good am I to intelligence now?"

Hank's expression was compassionate "Let's focus on this case, we'll figure it out" He promised walking in to his office. He hadn't denied it, but he hadn't agreed either. It would have to satisfy Lexi for now.

* * *

Lexi entered Molly's through the main entrance followed by Antonio. She had asked Antonio for a ride to Molly's knowing he wouldn't pry or interrogate her on the drive, which he hadn't. But that meant Lexi had had time to be in her own head, listen to her own thoughts.

The longer she thought the more she wanted to kill Abby. She could have potentially cost Lexi her career, she had already taken her boyfriend, now her job.

"Whiskey and coke with ice please, hold the coke" Lexi ordered from Gabby sitting on a vacant chair at the bar.

"Oh shit, that bad huh?" Gabby observed concerned. Antonio nodded at his sister, subtly nodding his head toward Lexi indicating Gabby should talk to her. "Hey Otis, you okay if I take a break?" Gabby called down the bar knowing her friend needed to talk. Gabby grabbed the bottle of Jack Daniel's from the back counter and two glasses. "Come on" Gabby flicked her head toward the back of Molly's to an empty table.

"Thanks for the ride Antonio" Lexi said patting his back as she stood to follow Gabby.

"Sure thing, anytime"

"I screwed up" Lexi told Gabby once they were sat down. "I got a kid hurt" she explained watching Gabby pour them both a drink. So much had happened over the last week but Craig being hurt was the thing that was affecting Lexi the most. Lexi summarised the situation that had occurred with Craig following the suspect. Gabby listened intently and ensured their glasses were never empty.

Part way through Lexi's summary of events Kim, Adam, Jay and Kevin entered Molly's occupying a table by the door, Antonio joining them. Lexi was making a valid effort to not make eye contact with Jay. He had chosen a seat facing in her direction, Gabby was in Lexi's immediate eyeline helping her ignore him. She didn't want to look at him, he might see it as an invitation to talk to her and she couldn't face him right now. She was still trying to decide if she was pissed at him or not.

Lexi explained calmly about Abby and her running her mouth to the news, compromising Lexi's position with intelligence.

"I was suspended" Lexi clinked her glass against Gabby's as she held it up and they both knocked back the liquid. "Voight got it lifted but he's making me take a couple days off"

"That such a bad thing?" Gabby queried "have a rest, gather your thoughts"

"I'd rather be busy"

"Rather be busy doing what?" Matt asked approaching the table followed by Kelly.

Matt kissed Gabby's cheek sitting beside her as Gabby explained. "Lexi was suspended, I said it was an opportunity to have a rest, but Lexi would rather be busy"

"You need a hobby" Matt suggested "something to distract you."

Lexi choked on her sip of whiskey and Kelly wore a cheeky smile. "You ok there Lex?" Kelly asked sarcastically tapping her back to help her stop choking and catch her breath.

Gabby eyeballed Kelly and Lexi, watching their body language as Lexi nudged Kelly off her smirking at him and averting her gaze when she noticed Gabby watching them. "Oh my god you two slept together!" Gabby concluded.

"What!" Kelly and Lexi chorused together, simultaneously looking guilty.

"No, we didn't" Lexi tried to sound innocent but her high-pitched tone and lack of eye contact said the exact opposite of her words.

Gabby grinned "Oh my god you totally did!"

Kelly laughed almost hysterically, Lexi elbowing him in the ribs. "You're not helping!" she groaned taking a nervous sip of her drink.

"I told you you're not very subtle" Kelly joked stealing Lexi's glass and drinking the remainder of her drink.

"I wondered why he's been smiling all day" Matt concluded.

"Right, shoo" Gabby gestured toward Matt and Kelly.

"Seriously?" Kelly questioned raising his eyebrows. "You're going to shoo me away to talk about me?"

"Exactly, I want the gossip" Gabby explained doing a little happy wiggle on her chair looking forward to hearing the details.

"There is no gossip" Lexi laughed at her friend's eagerness.

"You have as long as it takes Otis to serve us" Matt advised walking with Kelly to the bar leaving the girls alone.

Lexi shot back a dash of whiskey. "Come on, spill the beans" Gabby pleaded, "When, where, why?"

Lexi chuckled shaking her head amused at Gabby's interrogation. "A couple nights ago. He showed up at my place, he'd had a bad day, I've had a few bad days. It just happened"

"Are you getting back together?"

Lexi shook her head quickly. "No. It was a one-time deal. We spoke about it, agreed it didn't mean anything"

"Are you sure? He told me he had a date tonight, 'a sure thing'" Gabby quoted Kelly "then I heard him cancel it today."

Lexi looked at her mystified "Thank you for that" she said an amused grin on her face, "now I have another thing to worry about."

Another thing to add to Lexi's list of things to worry about. Was Kelly ok with it just being a one-time deal? Was he secretly hoping it meant more? That they were going to get back together?

Gabby feigned innocence. "Hey, you're the one sleeping with your ex"

"Not sleeping with" Lexi corrected "slept with, past tense" she told her as Matt and Kelly joined them.

"Satisfied your curiosity?" Kelly quipped looking toward Gabby handing Lexi and Gabby a shot of tequila. Gabby shrugged smirking knocking back her shot as Lexi did.

"Oh crap" Kelly remarked lowering his head trying to hide his face.

At the same time Lexi sneered seeing Abby enter Molly's "Check the rocks on this bitch!" Lexi gripped the shot glass in her hand tightly, her knuckles turning white as she gripped harder. She couldn't believe the audacity Abby had. After what she had done to show up in Molly's was borderline psychotic.

"What's wrong?" Matt questioned Kelly who was trying to make himself smaller in his chair.

"She was my date" Kelly explained nodding toward Abby but leaning closer to Lexi beside him to use Matt as a shield.

"Seriously!" Lexi asked maddened at his behaviour. She pushed him away from leaning on her, she wasn't going to help hide him. Kelly was a real asshole sometimes. Lexi knew the only reason he would have asked Abby on a date was to piss off Jay and potentially hope to make Lexi jealous.

Abby marched toward Lexi's table, her entire body screaming hostility. Her purposeful stride, narrowed eyes, pursued lips.

Jay grabbed Abby's wrist as she strolled past him. "What the hell are you doing here?" he asked crossly.

Molly's seemed to grow quiet, everyone knowing there was going to be a conflict, trouble was brewing. Abby snatched her arm back from Jay dramatically before continuing toward Lexi, Jay raced after her as did Adam, Kevin, Antonio and Kim ready to have Lexi's back.

"Abby you're playing with fire" Jay warned as she reached Lexi's table.

Lexi remained in her seat, not giving any energy to Abby. "Nothing to say?" Abby asked Lexi looking conceited.

Lexi's sigh was bored and annoyed as she stood up. "Unless you've come to apologise you need to leave!" she said Gabby and Kim flanking her sides.

Abby sized up the situation looking at Gabby and Kim. She stared down Lexi, "ha, can't fight your own battles?"

"Believe me that's the last thing you want" Gabby stated.

"And what battle would I be fighting?" Lexi queried not breaking eye contact with Abby. Lexi found the amusement in the situation; the high school type drama Abby was causing. "Clearly you're just after my cast-offs" Kim and Gabby snickered a laugh behind her. "Jay divorced you and doesn't want you here. Kelly only asked you out to try to make me jealous and piss off Jay then cancelled on you anyway." Abby looked to Kelly for confirmation who shrugged looking somewhat sorry. Lexi continued seeing she was getting to Abby, "You've been fired too, so tell me what battle it is I need to fight?" she couldn't hide the amused smug grin that reached her lips. "You lost, admit defeat and move on. You're making a fool of yourself"

Abby's face contorted in rage and Lexi knew Abby was going to attack her. Abby sprang forward arms out stretched to strike Lexi. Lexi leant back slightly to avoid Abby's clawed hand as Kevin, Jay and Antonio restrained her.

Adam watched Lexi clench her fists at her side, internally debating whether to hit Abby or not. "Walk away Lex" Adam commanded stepping in her eyeline blocking her view of Abby.

"LET ME GO!" Abby screamed as the boys held her back, "YOU'RE A FUCKING BITCH"

Lexi feigned confusion leaning around Adam, "barren bitch, wasn't it?" she teased. Knowing it would anger Abby further to know Lexi had been listening. Making a joke of it would make it seem as if it hadn't affected Lexi.

Abby continued to scream insults and struggle to break free.

"Walk away" Adam told Lexi again understanding if Lexi really wanted to, she could cause some serious damage. "Don't give Commander Fischer another reason" he advised finally gaining Lexi's attention.

Lexi scowled at Adam, knowing he was right, hating that he was right. In that moment she despised him for being the voice of reason. She allowed him to turn her around and walk her through Molly's kitchen she slammed through the back door. She walked a few steps in to the car park and screamed her rage up at the sky, as loud as her lungs and her injured throat would allow her too.

"Walk it off" Adam advised standing in front of the door back in to Molly's.

"Sometimes I really hate that you're a self-righteous douche bag, Adam Ruzek" Lexi growled yet taking his advice and walking away.

Adam smiled amusedly at her back watching her march off. She was acting like a stroppy teenager, angry at Dad for laying down the law. "That's fine. You can hate me today and thank me tomorrow" he called following after her slowly to ensure she didn't let her rage take control and go back in to Molly's.

Lexi stomped away, clenching and unclenching her fists as she walked. She passed a car and glanced in the window. Seeing suitcases, boxes of personal belongings. It had to be Abby's car, she had packed her things and then decided on one last stop before leaving town.

Lexi looked back at Adam a few steps behind her. He rolled his eyes, "go ahead" he permitted.

Lexi smiled her thanks, found a medium sized rock and launched it at the passenger side window. The sound of shattering glass wasn't as satisfying as shattering Abby's nose would have been, but it put a small smirk on Lexi's lips.

"Now, take a lap" Adam demanded pointing down the street.

* * *

Jay drove slowly down the street looking for Lexi amongst the few pedestrians on the sidewalk. Adam had returned to Molly's and told Jay he had made Lexi take a walk.

Jay had waited at Molly's until closing time for Lexi to return but she hadn't come back, and she wasn't home. He had been driving the streets looking for her for almost an hour, when he turned the corner and saw her twenty foot in front of him, walking slowly, dragging her feet, lost in thought.

Lexi heard the car driving beside her and glanced to see if it were someone asking for directions. Jay drove slowly beside her and wound down the window. "Need a ride?"

She rolled her eyes continuing to walk. "Go home Jay"

"Please get in the car, it's freezing and it's like ten blocks to your place"

Lexi continued to walk not paying any attention to him.

"Fine" Jay spat annoyed, he put his foot down and sped off. Stopping a few feet down the road he pulled the car over and got out, meeting Lexi on the sidewalk. "You can be pissed at me as your ex that's fine, but I'm here as your friend!" Jay explained "After everything that's happened today, you need a friend"

Lexi regarded him aggravated because he was right. She had had a tough day, and any other time would have turned to Jay for support. They were partners, regardless of their personal relationship, she knew Jay would make her talk it out with him whether she wanted to or not. That's what they did.

"You can either walk your stubborn ass to the car or I'll pick you up and put you in myself" Jay threatened.

Lexi stared him down with a 'you-wouldn't-dare' look. "I'd actually like to see you try that" she told him matching his grin.

"Try me" he proposed his cheeky smile making his eyes glisten. Jay crouched and stepped forward making Lexi jump back her arms out straight to hold him back.

"Okay, okay" she laughed surrendering stepping around him walking toward his car. "Is she gone?"

"I hope so" Jay admitted following her. "Adam and Kev patched up her window, she should be on the interstate by now" he explained getting in to the car.

Lexi fastened her seatbelt, she felt better knowing Abby wasn't in Chicago anymore. Although what did it matter, she had already caused so much damage. "I hope she gets taken out by a semi" Lexi expressed her inner thoughts aloud. Jay gawked at her his eyebrows raised comically, she couldn't help the laugh that escaped her lips, she realised it sounded ridiculous and childish the second the words left her mouth. "Take me home idiot"

* * *

Jay sat on Lexi's couch whilst she fixed them a drink in the kitchen behind him. "I went to see Craig this morning" Lexi told Jay twisting the cap off a bottle of beer.

"How's he doing?" he asked turning on the couch so he could watch her.

"Good" she explained pouring herself a glass of red wine in to a large glass. "No permanent damage, thankfully."

He accepted the beer Lexi handed to him as he sat down beside him. "You still feeling guilty?"

"Yep" she confirmed quickly, "Not sure I'll ever stop feeling guilty. It could have been so much worse; and if it had been, his blood would be on my hands."

"You can't keep thinking about the what if's" Jay spoke softly, silence claimed the room for a moment. "I learnt that the hard way" he confessed his eyes clouded over and he seemed to be somewhere else in his head, no longer sat beside her on the couch. "On my last tour our convoy got ambushed. I don't remember how it happened, we were just driving along one second then the next there's only five of us left, taking cover in a nearby village. We'd neutralized the threat, the dust was settling, the screams were fading out, we'd arranged an evac… I'm stood there waiting for someone to give me an order, tell me to move" Jay took a shaky breath staring off in to the distance, lost in the memory of his past.

Lexi scooted across the couch closer to him, putting an arm around his shoulders, wanting to take the pain from his eyes, take the bad memory away for him. She stroked the side of his neck soothingly, she wasn't even sure he could feel it too drawn in to the movie playing in his mind.

"Then I notice all eyes are on me, I'm in charge now, it's my job to give the order. Left or right, it was that simple, we go left or right. I lead them right, and it's an instant mistake... There's an eight-year-old kid pointing a rifle at my head. I didn't hesitate, I raised my gun pointing it at him, I've got my sight trained on an eight-year-old kid," his eyes flooded with unbearable sadness. "He's yelling at me in a language I don't understand, all my guys are yelling back at him in a language he doesn't know. None of us willing to do what needs to be done. I just stare at him and I know I can't pull the trigger, I know I have to. I know it's us or him, he doesn't even look scared he's just pissed that these foreign soldiers are in his home… Probably just killed some of his family. I'm staring in his eyes and I hear the click and see the panic flood his face as he realises his guns jammed. I see the red dot form between his eyes and it's not until he hits the floor, I realise it was me, I pulled the trigger"

Silence surrounded them again, Lexi waiting for Jay to come back to the present, giving him time to get his thoughts in order. "His blood is on my hands" he explained finally looking at her "What if his gun hadn't jammed? What if I hadn't shot him? There would be five soldiers' blood on my hands instead"

She understood his point, focusing on what if's wasn't good for anyone. What if Craig hadn't followed Jordan, Jordan could have been on his way to hurt someone else. Maybe Craig following him was what saved someone from being killed.

"You had to do it, you had to protect yourself and your men" she assured him. "Like you said it was him or you"

"Doesn't make it any easier"

"For what it's worth, I'm glad you chose you" she told him staring in to his sad blue eyes "and I'm sure there's five families out there who are glad too" she kissed his cheek softly.

Jay shook his head a little shaking away the images in his mind. He wanted to change the subject, needed to talk about something else. "So, you finally spoke to Will" Jay acknowledged.

Lexi swallowed her sip of wine before answering. "I had some time to spare being suspended and all" she joked trying to make light of the situation.

"I wish you had waited for me, you shouldn't have been alone."

"Why it wouldn't have changed the outcome" she told him, "honestly I'm kind of relieved" Jay's furrowed brow told her she needed to explain further. "I don't want kids and I'm not just saying that because I know I can't have them. I'd make a terrible Mother, I can't even keep a house plant alive" she laughed pointing at the withering plant on the shelf, Jay nodded his agreement laughing with her. Her expression dulled as she continued "Plus this world is so screwed up, who would want to bring a kid in to it?"

Jay shook his head disagreeing, "It's not all bad"

"Oh no" she remarked chuckling humourlessly, "please show me some good, I beg of you."

"I'm looking at it"

Lexi shied away from his gaze taking a sip of her wine. "Maybe I use to be. Lately I'm more of a vengeful, jaded bitch"

"How so?" Jay questioned.

"Well you see, I have this ex-boyfriend" she began a comical grin playing on her lips. "Not sure if you know him?"

Lexi's grin grew wider seeing Jay's playful smirk as he spoke, "about six-foot, rugged good looks, goes by the name of Handsome Jay?"

"That's the one" Lexi agreed nodding. "Well I've spent an unhealthy amount of time thinking about slashing his tyres"

"Again" Jay quipped speaking over her.

Lexi continued laughing at his remark "or maybe putting laxatives in his drinks" Jay lifted his bottle of beer to his eyes, assessing the contents closely his eyes narrowed with suspicion. "You're safe" she assured him patting his arm friendlily.

"I trust you" he said shrugging before taking a gulp of beer.

"Not my finest hour, I'll admit!" she heaved a sigh "although if there wasn't bad in the world, we never would have met"

They had met whilst undercover to bring down a drug cartel. If that bad hadn't been in the world, they may never had met, wouldn't know each other. Lexi tried to imagine her life without Jay, and she couldn't. He was so much a part of her world, intertwined in her life, she couldn't imagine a day without knowing him. Her world wouldn't make sense without him in it.

"We'd have found each other" he told her confidently. "Call it fate or destiny or coincidence, whatever, but we'd have found each other somehow"

"You really believe that?"

He nodded staring deeply in to her eyes, "I really do. No matter what happens between us, we always find our way back to each other" his mouth wore a sad half smile, but his eyes showed affection, love, hurt, pain, hope. "Fate bought us together and our choices tore us apart."

Lexi shook her head slightly her eyes bore in to him, not wanting to look away. She had done a lot of thinking whilst she was 'walking it off' and had come to some conclusions about their relationship. "Fear tore us apart" she replied assuredly. "Fear of something real. Scared to be happy just to have it taken from us. Almost like we feel we don't deserve it, to be happy is to lose control." Jay's eyes never left hers, she wasn't even sure he blinked, listening intently, taking in everything she said. Finally realising how he felt, understanding what had happened between them. "I think we've both been so afraid of hurting each other, or making the other one unhappy, we didn't recognise that that's exactly what we were doing, we're both pretty good at self-sabotage!"

Jay was quiet for so long staring at Lexi she almost began to feel uncomfortable and awkward. "Abby showed up and it threw me." She confessed "I let you break your promise to lean on me, because I was afraid Abby being here made you realise how happy you could be."

"What?" he asked staggered by her confession. "I've only ever been happy with you Lex. Even when we weren't together, it's always been you"

"But I'm not the person you fell in love with." She expressed "I'm not that person anymore, I'm not that fresh, full of life, can see the good amongst the bad, happy girl wanting to take on the world, anymore." She admitted desolately.

"Lexi, I fell in love with you when I didn't even know you that well." Jay told her taking her hands in his. "Way back when we were undercover. I trusted you with my life when I confessed to being a cop, you trusted me when you revealed the same." She nodded her agreement. "After that I only fell more in love with you, every day, even the days I wanted to hate you" Lexi's eyes blurred with tears hearing his words. "Abby being here only reminded me how much being with you is what I want, what I've always wanted"

"But you married her"

"I was high on god knows what and drunk" Jay reminded her "I didn't even know what day it was. I spoke to one of the guys that were there, and he said that we also decided we were going to rob a casino too," they shared a laugh at Jay's expense. "Kinda glad I didn't go through with that one. I promise you, getting married meant nothing"

"You weren't drunk or high when you slept with her two nights ago"

"No, I wasn't" he acknowledged "but it was a huge mistake and I told her that." Lexi nodded understanding it was easy to make a mistake. "You weren't high or drunk when you slept with Kelly, but did that mean anything?"

"No" she told him without hesitation "it's actually one of my biggest regrets"

"Same here"

"You slept with Kelly too?" she asked sarcastically.

"See this is one of them times I want to hate you" he joked narrowing his eyes at her in jest. "But all I want to do is kiss you" he told her slowly sliding his hand up her neck to rest on her cheek.

Lexi slowly leant toward him, wondering if it was the right thing to do for them, but wanting nothing more than to feel his warm lips against hers. Millimetres from his lips she closed her eyes and felt his hand on her cheek grip a little harder and pull her to him.

Lexi's stomach felt like a million butterflies had been let lose, fluttering around, making her giddy and light headed, yet she liked it. Jay's stubble tickled her face but she didn't care, wanted him closer. She felt like every other kiss she had experienced in her life, every kiss before this had been wrong. This was how a kiss was supposed to make you feel, giddy, alive, stupid, silly, passionate, wanting more, needing more.

Jay was the first the pull away, out of breath, smiling sweetly at her. Lexi chewed her bottom lip, she hadn't been ready for it to end, nevertheless she knew neither of them were prepared to take it further again, not yet at least.

They locked eyes, panting slightly, Lexi wanted to break the tension, she kissed him quickly, hopping off the sofa to refill her glass.

* * *

**Saturday February 9** **th** **– Morning**

Lexi was suddenly cold, she opened her sleepy eyes slowly and was disorientated for a second. She was in her living room, on her couch. She groaned as she stretched sitting up, she saw the four empty bottles of wine on the coffee table in front of her and it seemed to be the trigger for her memory and her headache to set in.

Jay had been there, they had spent the night talking, kissing and drinking wine. They had spoken about the Riverwalk Killer case, movies, music, life, aliens, books, their friends, swapped stories, reminisced and fallen to sleep on the couch. She heard the toilet flush and realised Jay must have gone to bathroom, that's why she had become cold, he had moved from beside her.

"Did we really drink all that wine?" she groaned as Jay returned form the bathroom, kissing her head as he passed behind the couch.

"Ssshhh, don't talk so loud" he joked pouring them a coffee. "What's your plans for today?"

"Right now," Lexi replied standing and stretching out her back, arms above her head "I'm thinking breakfast then bed!"

Jay handed her coffee as she sat at the breakfast bar. "Commander Fischer is making us all take the weekend off, said we all need to take a step back" he explained.

Commander Fischer had demanded the intelligence team take two days away from the Riverwalk case, they were all too invested and needed to take a breath before someone else got unnecessarily hurt or worse. He assured Hank he would have a twenty-four-hour watch on Jordan Evan's residence and the bar he worked in and if he were to be spotted Hank would be informed immediately. Voight reluctantly agreed, hoping Jordan had been scared off knowing the police were on to him.

"So how about we grab the guys and spend the weekend having some fun?" Jay suggested.

Lexi smiled warmly at him "Fun is definitely needed, what did you have in mind?"

Jay sipped his coffee a playful grin on his lips as the chime of Lexi's door sounded around the apartment. "Hold that thought" she suggested walking to answer the door.

* * *

"Morning Boss" Jay greeted Hank as he followed Lexi in to her kitchen a few minutes later.

"Jay" Hank replied "didn't realise you had company" he observed talking to Lexi as she poured him a cup of coffee.

"I'm gonna take a shower" Jay advised sensing Hank wanted to speak to Lexi alone.

Hank waited until after Jay closed the bedroom door and he heard the running water of the shower before speaking to Lexi. He took her badge from his pocket and placed it on the counter top in front of her. "You'll be needing that back for Monday" he advised offering a small smile.

Lexi returned his friendly smile, "I get the feeling that's not the only reason you're here"

"No, it's not" he confirmed taking a sip of his coffee, "I have a proposition for you, although I didn't realise you and Halstead were back together"

Lexi shook her head disagreeing with his assumption, "we're not, we're just" she tried to explain their relationship but wasn't sure how to define what was happening. She sighed wearily knowing Hank wasn't interested in whether they were together or not, "It's complicated."

"Well I'm probably about to make it more complicated" Lexi sat down at the breakfast bar knowing Hank didn't make house calls unless it were important. "A good buddy of mine, an ex-cop, runs a nightclub in New York. He's been having trouble with a gang, call themselves the NY Ballers. Drugs, prostitutes, shake downs for protection money, the usual business that comes with his line of work. He's been to the local cops, but the NY ballers have them on their payroll." Lexi nodded her understanding, gaining an idea where the conversation was leading. "My friend is close with the Police Commissioner and he needs a Detective to run an undercover task force to focus solely on the NY Ballers. Wants someone impartial, no links to the city, no personal vendettas to settle"

"I'm guessing they asked you and you declined?" Lexi asked

Hank nodded yes, "Chicago's my city" he told her with a smile.

"That it is" Lexi agreed "but it's kinda chewed me up and spat me out" she sighed heavily taking her now empty coffee mug to the sink. She swilled the cup out, watching the water swirl down the drain, her mind working overtime. Her face had been on the news, she couldn't work undercover in Chicago again, the risk of being recognised was too high. Hank was offering a great opportunity, running her own taskforce, in a new city, a break from Chicago.

"You can see the Riverwalk case to the end," he assured her knowing she wouldn't leave without seeing the case through, she was too invested in it to walk away. "I cleared it with Commander Fischer, he'd keep your spot in intelligence open"

That sweetened the deal. She could run the taskforce and return to Chicago when it was done. Whether it was three months or three years. "When do you need an answer by?" Lexi enquired hearing the shower switch off.

"End of the week" Hank told her putting down his mug.

"I'll think about it" Lexi told him following him to the door to see him out.

* * *

Lexi entered the bedroom after seeing Hank out of her apartment, Jay was rummaging in the draw he kept some of clothes in for a clean pair of socks. "Everything ok?" He asked seeing her thoughtful expression.

"Yeah, just wanted to give me my badge back." She told him waving her badge at him. It wasn't a complete lie, more of an omission of truth. "Warn me I'm to be on my best behaviour"

"Uh huh" Jay commented knowing she wasn't telling him the whole story. Hank didn't make social visits.

Lexi kissed him as she passed him to go to the bathroom. "I'm gonna take a shower, then let's go have some fun!" Jay smiled half-heartedly as she closed the bathroom door.

* * *

Lexi bounded up the few steps, carrying a six pack of beer, and knocked on the door. "What exactly are you apologising for?" Jay asked her from the car that was idling at the curb.

Lexi scrunched her face up embarrassed "I may or may not have called him a self-righteous douche bag"

Jay laughed aloud as Adam answered the door. Lexi stepped forward kissing his cheek and handing him the beers. "Well good morning to you too" he said smiling broadly.

"I'm sorry" Lexi told him sincerely. "And thank you"

Adam's amused smirk reached his eyes, he had told her she would thank him for making her walk away. "Does this mean I'm not a self-righteous douche bag?"

"Not all the time" she quipped laughing. "Kim in there?" Adam nodded his confirmation. "Good", Lexi turned and jogged down the stairs toward Jay in the car. "Get your coats we're going to have some fun"

* * *

Eva, Lexi, Kim and Gabby stood facing off with the boys, Adam, Antonio, Jay, Kevin and Diego. All geared up, guns and vests, ready to play laser tag.

Jay's idea of fun was everyone's idea of fun, Antonio had his kids so was a great way to spend a few hours, Gabby had been with him when Jay called and didn't want to miss out on all the fun.

The over enthusiastic laser tag employee, Randy, marched up and down in front of the two rows of opponents, explaining to them how to play, the object of the game was to take the other team's flag, advising what would happen if they got tagged, how to avoid being tagged.

Lexi bounced on the balls of her feet, locking eyes with Jay she mouthed the words "I'm coming for you."

Jay rolled his neck from side to side, rotated his shoulders, shaking his head slowly he mimed "Bring it on!"

"But the most important rule" Randy explained "is to have fun!"

"Usual deal?" Jay asked walking beside Lexi.

"Same rules apply" Lexi agreed keeping her eyes forward but fist bumping Jay sealing the deal. Their deal was simple, any competition between them, any bets, or games they played, loser bought the winner dinner.

"No fraternizing with the enemy solider" Adam demanded from behind them.

* * *

Lexi had her shoulder against the wall, the light weight laser tag gun raised ready to turn the corner and take down the enemy, Kevin, who had been left guarding the flag whilst the others went on the offensive and hunted down the girls.

Lexi had lost her team, somewhere in the maze of walls, dead ends and secret passages that was the laser tag room. She was alone no one watching her back.

"Freeze" Jay said behind her. She held her hands in the air, slowly turning to face him. "Man, I'm starving" he emphasised a smug playful grin on his lips.

"Um, you haven't shot me yet" she noted taking a step toward him, seeing a chance to save herself.

He shrugged his shoulders unconcerned, "I'm just savouring this sweet moment of victory" he told her as walked closer to him, gazing up at him from under her eyelashes.

He licked his lips nervously, and she knew she had him right where she wanted him. He wanted to know what she was going to do. She ran her fingers down the hand that held his gun slowly, walking her fingers up his arm to his cheek. She tilted her head up and kissed him slowly, he lowered his weapon, and spun her around putting her back against the wall. Lexi felt Jay's hands grip her waist and she couldn't stop the smile on her lips as she continued to kiss him simultaneously raising her own gun and pulling the trigger.

Jay's vest flashed red and an alarm rang out signalling he had been eliminated. He slowly pulled out of the kiss, "you devious little genius" he smiled proudly at her.

Lexi's vest flashed red and the alarm sounded. "Distractions will get you killed" Adam advised striding past waving the girls flag.

Lexi laughed "I deserved that!" she called after him

"Yes, you did" he called back turning the corner to relieve Kevin of his guard duties and inform him of the boys win.

* * *

**Saturday February 9** **th** **– Evening**

Lexi had lost laser tag, well her team had lost; therefore, she had had to make dinner. She had made her sweet Thai chilli chicken at Jay's request. Lexi was due for a shift at Molly's at eight, so they had eaten and were cleaning up. Jay handed Lexi the plate he had just cleaned in her sink so she could dry it.

She took the plate and stood drying it daydreaming. If she went to New York there would be no more laser tag, no more eating dinner together, no more working at Molly's. She would have to cut all communication, never be allowed to speak to any of her friends, until it was over, or she was able to take some time off.

"You alright there?" Jay asked watching her continuously dry the same plate whilst he dried his hands on a fresh towel.

Lexi shook her daydream off smiling apologetically at him.

"Where'd you go just now?" he questioned as she put the plate away.

"Nowhere" she told him wiping down the already clean countertop.

"Does this nowhere have anything to do with Hank's visit this morning?" he guessed correctly. "You've been pretty distracted all day"

Lexi groaned, "now isn't the time" she told him looking at the clock seeing it was seven forty-five, it wasn't a fifteen-minute conversation.

Jay debated whether to push the subject or not. They had had a great day together, no fighting, or snarky remarks made to each other, it had been nice. He didn't want to ruin it by forcing Lexi to discuss something she wasn't ready to talk about. "Okay" he nodded unsurely, "just know I'm here if you need to talk"

"I know" she told him kissing his lips softly.

* * *

**Monday February 11** **th** **– Morning**

Jay parked his car at the curb outside Molly's. He picked up the bag that contained pancakes from Jerry's and exited the car. It was Lexi's first day back after her suspension and he wanted to start the day right, having breakfast together, like they had done so many times before. Abby was gone, the drama was over. Maybe things would settle down now. They could get back to some normalcy.

He was feeling optimistic; he had spent the weekend with Lexi. They had spent quality time just being themselves, flirting, talking, making-out like teenagers, no pressure from either of them to define their relationship, purely being happy in the moment. They hadn't had sex, neither one quite ready to take the leap after both having slept with their ex's, it would happen naturally when they both felt it was the right time.

He did a quick jog toward her door and knocked, smiling in anticipation of seeing her. It had only been twelve hours since he had last seen her, dropping her home after watching the latest Marvel movie at the cinema, but he had missed her and was excited to see her again. "Don't move" a firm male voice commanded behind him as he felt the cold metal of a gun on the base of his skull.


	14. Cold Metal Of A Gun

**Chapter 14 – Cold Metal of a Gun.**

**Monday February 11** **th** **– Morning**

Jay parked his car at the curb outside Molly's. He picked up the bag that contained pancakes from Jerry's and exited the car. It was Lexi's first day back after her suspension and he wanted to start the day right, having breakfast together, like they had done so many times before. Abby was gone, the drama was over. Maybe things would settle down now. They could get back to some normalcy.

He was feeling optimistic; he had spent the weekend with Lexi. They had spent quality time just being themselves, flirting, talking, making-out like teenagers, no pressure from either of them to define their relationship, purely being happy in the moment. They hadn't had sex, neither one quite ready to take the leap after both having slept with their ex's, it would happen naturally when they both felt it was the right time.

He did a quick jog toward her door and knocked, smiling in anticipation of seeing her. It had only been twelve hours since he had last seen her, dropping her home after watching the latest Marvel movie at the cinema, but he had missed her and was excited to see her again. "Don't move" a firm male voice commanded behind him as he felt the cold metal of a gun on the base of his skull.

Jay instinctively put his arms in the air, fingers spread wide dropping breakfast on the floor. "Okay, take it easy"

"What's your name?"

"Jay"

"Okay Jay, do as I say and everything will be fine," his hijacker explained before hearing Lexi unlock the door "keep your mouth closed."

"Good morn," Lexi's greeting and smile faltered seeing Jay's arms held high and the fearful expression he wore.

The gun was pushed harder in to his head. "Inside now" Jay did as he was instructed passing through the door with his arms up, in plain view.

Lexi stepped aside letting them enter seeing Jay's captor was Jordan Evans. Followed by his brother Billy walking backward, being the look out, his own gun pointed at the floor.

"Lock the door" Jordan told her flicking his eyes from Jay's head to Lexi.

She closed and locked the door immediately, then unlocked and opened the door leading in to Molly's as Jordan told her to do it.

"Billy" Jordan told him, Billy clearly knew what his tone implied but was evidently reluctant to do what his brother was asking. "Do it" his brother prompted.

Billy raised his gun, pointing it at Lexi. Lexi noticed the small tremble of his hand. Lexi guessed it was the first time Billy had ever held a gun, which made her more nervous than she cared to admit.

Jordan smiled proudly at his brother. "Okay, this is all going to go smoothly as long as you both follow my instructions" he explained confidently.

"Okay, Lexi I want you to slowly reach for Jay's gun" Jordan told her, "one false move and I'll drop him."

Lexi nodded her understanding. She slowly unclipped Jay's holster and gently slid out his Glock before offering it to Jordan. He commanded her to unload it. Lexi sighed but did as she was told under the watchful eye of Jordan, putting the now empty and dismantled weapon on the bottom step. "Good, good" Jordan said sounding appreciative. "Where's your gun?"

"I don't have it" she explained shaking her head.

"Don't make me search you"

The thought of Jordan's hands roaming her body looking for a weapon made her skin crawl. "I don't have it, I was suspended"

Jordan eyed her for a second, debating whether to believe her or not. "Okay now we're all going to walk really slow in to the bar" Jordan explained.

Jordan pushed Jay through the door first, Lexi followed Billy's gun trained on her the whole time. Jordan was a big guy, six foot two, broad shoulders, he was blocking her view of Jay, but she knew he would use the small space to his advantage and make a move.

A split second passed and suddenly Jay was spinning round grabbing for Jordan's gun. Taking her cue from Jay Lexi ducked down and kicked Billy's feet from underneath him knocking him to the floor. Instinct made Billy put his arms out to soften his fall making him drop his gun.

Lexi sprang for it before Billy had even hit the floor, kneeling beside him she held the weapon up directly in his face. "DON'T MOVE" she yelled down at him. He eyes were wide with fear, a deer caught in headlights, staring down the barrel of the gun.

A gunshot rang out in the small corridor deafening them all slightly, not enough to stop Lexi hear Jay scream out. She couldn't turn to investigate, she couldn't risk taking her eyes off Billy. "Jay" she called out. "Talk to me"

"Get up" Jordan spat at her. She side glanced seeing his nine-millimetre pointing at her, Jay lay on the floor a few feet away withering and groaning in pain. "Get up or I put another bullet in him" Jordan threatened.

Lexi exhaled loudly and held her hands up, surrendering the weapon to Billy. She didn't have control of the situation there was nothing else to do. She moved aside allowing Billy to stand and take the firearm from her. She remained on her knees, staring over at Jay. This was Abby's fault. Seeing Lexi's picture on the news, it had to be how Jordan found her. Jay had been shot because of Abby's stupidity and need for revenge. Lexi had never felt so much rage mixed with sorrow in all her life.

"You don't try anything stupid and we'll all walk away from this." Jordan told her. "In the bar now, both of you"

Lexi crawled quickly across the floor to Jay, "can you stand?" she asked getting her arms underneath him and heaving him up. A scream escaped Jay's lips as he struggled to stand putting his arm over her shoulder. Lexi helped him in to the bar and slowly lowered him in to chair. Jay stretched his legs out holding his wounded side. Lexi knelt beside him Jordan keeping his gun on them.

"Let me see" Lexi told Jay lifting his shirt. A point blank nine-millimetre gunshot wound stared back at her. The dark red blood oozing out at a steady pace. She pretended to be assessing Jay's stomach but was side-eyeing Billy.

Billy had found the light switches and proceeded to turn on all the lights. Lexi unintentionally held her breath hoping he would look past the small key pad for the alarm that was low and out of view under the shelving behind the bar. She let the breath escape her quietly as he walked right past it.

Lexi estimated the silent alarm would alert CPD in another minute and a half maybe two. It was a Monday morning, rush hour, if there had been minimal disruption on the roads and no major crimes over the weekend, she figured the minimum response time was maybe sixteen minutes. A patrol car would arrive in sixteen minutes to investigate the cause of the alarm. She needed to get a call to Hank before that patrol car arrived. She checked the clock above the bar. 07:34.

Lexi put pressure on Jay's stomach, "did it go through?"

Jay shook his head taking deep breaths to try to manage the pain. "No" he said a little breathless.

"That's your fault" Jordan decided pointing at Jay's wound. "All you had to do was walk"

"He needs a hospital" Lexi told Jordan looking at him for the first time. He looked washed out, pale, like he hadn't eaten for a few days, hadn't slept properly in a long time. His right eye was sore and blood shot on one side where Emily had dug her nail in, his left hand bandaged from Lexi's attack.

"No chance" Jordan coughed.

"Okay, there's a locker in the back with a bag of supplies, at least get that for me, let me help him" Jordan watched her sceptically. "Look, I know you're not here to hurt us." Lexi argued. "If you were you wouldn't look so freaked out right now. But he's hurt, he's bleeding and he's going to continue to bleed if you don't let me stop it"

"Billy" Jordan commanded nodding toward the back, Billy took off toward the kitchen Lexi yelling the locker number and Gabby's combination. Billy appeared a few seconds later carrying the black duffle bag throwing it at her feet.

"Thank you" Lexi said reaching for the bag.

"Hold up" Jordan told her his hands over hers stopping her from unzipping the bag. Lexi fought the urge to snatch her hand back, not wanting him to touch her. "Billy check for anything sharp, anything she could use as a weapon"

 _Shit! This guy's smart_. – Lexi thought holding her hands away from the bag so Billy could search it. "I just need gauze and tape" she told him. Billy found two sets of surgical scissors and confiscated them handing them to his brother. "Satisfied?" Was Lexi's way of asking for permission to continue.

Jordan nodded and Lexi dug in to the bag to find what she needed. She checked the time again, 07:41, she had nine minutes to call Hank.

Lexi was anxious having her back to the brothers who were sat in front of the bar facing her and Jay. But she knew Jay had her covered, he would warn her if they tried anything. Jay slowly took off his jacket watching the brothers the whole time as they watched him, and Lexi began packing gauze in to his wound.

"So, what's the plan here Jordan?" Jay asked trying to keep the pain from his voice as Lexi put pressure on his side.

"So, you know who I am?" Jordan asked a small self-satisfied smile on his lips. "That will save us some time"

"He's sick" Billy blurted out speaking for the first time. "He's been to see a doctor and he's waiting for the diagnosis. They say he's bipolar." He spoke with passion and absolute truth, an absolute truth he believed at least.

Jay looked down at Lexi as she worked on patching him up, her expression told him she didn't believe Billy's story either. Even if Billy so desperately believed it. Jay didn't know much about bipolar, but he figured it would have to be a very extreme case to make someone a murderer.

"I just came to talk" Jordan explained seemingly dismissing his brother's explanation. "Tell my side of the story"

Jay grimaced as a sharp pain coursed through him, breathing shallowly, "That's kinda hard to believe with a bullet in me."

"Hey" Jordan shouted walking toward them aggressively.

Lexi straightened her back leaning over Jay to protect him as best she could. She held her hand up stopping Jordan from getting closer to them.

He stopped walking but spoke loudly, his annoyance evident in his tone. "I wasn't going to hurt you, you attacked me!"

Lexi waited for Jordan to sit down before she spoke. "I'm going to need to make some phone calls." She explained looking at Jordan straight faced. "One to my bar staff, he's due in a couple of hours to do a stock take and one to our Sergeant" she continued. "We're expected at work in like twenty minutes"

"Do I look stupid?" Jordan asked smiling obnoxiously.

 _Well your holding two cop's hostage, you've shot one and you're wanted for rape and murder so do I need to answer that?_  – Lexi was thankful he couldn't hear her thoughts. "No" Lexi answered sitting on a chair beside Jay. "If we don't show up, they'll come looking for us"

Billy found his voice sounding panicked. "Jordan that's bad, we don't want the cops showing up here"

It took all of Lexi's willpower not to roll her eyes, they were the cops, the cops were already there. "Let me call us in sick" Lexi suggested, "you can put it on speaker phone"

Jordan sized her up, deciding whether to trust her or not. He stood in front of her, holding out his hand for her phone. "I'll dial the number"

Lexi fished her phone from her pocket and handed it to him, giving him the passcode to unlock it. "Dial Hank Voight"

"She talks" Jordan commanded looking at Jay before scrolling through the phone to find Hank's name. "I hear one thing I think is a signal, I'll shoot him in the head" he promised before pressing call.

Hank answered after five rings. "Lexi, what's up?"

"Hey Sarge, bad news. Me and Jay are out sick today"

"Both of you?"

"Yeah, we went to dinner with Kim and Adam last night, think we've got food poisoning. Sorry"

"These things can't be helped I guess" Hank said understanding.

"We're gonna stay home and rest up"

"Good plan"

Jordan's attitude flipped without warning, he thought Lexi was giving him a sign. Jordan pushed his gun in to Jay's temple, a defiant angry look clouding his features.

Lexi held her breath for a second watching Jay close his eyes, almost as if he were accepting his fate. Lexi used all her might to keep her voice level. "I'll keep you updated, hopefully we're better for tomorrow." Lexi quickly said goodbye as if she was running off to be sick as Jordan pressed the button to end the call.

"Why would you be home together?" Jordan asked through gritted teeth pressing his gun harder in to Jay. Why would they be sick together? Staying home together? They were work partners, she had given Hank a sign.

Lexi spoke quickly holding her hands out in panic. "We're a couple. Jay and I, we're together"

"I don't believe you" Jordan stated moving his finger to the trigger.

"LOOK ON MY PHONE" Lexi said panic making her speak loudly and rapidly "there's pictures, there's proof"

Billy took the phone from his brother and navigated to the photos. He scrolled a couple times, "she's telling the truth" he confirmed continuing to swipe to the next photo. "There's loads on here, them kissing, in bed, on dates" Jordan trusted his brother irrevocably obvious by the fact he lowered the gun.

Lexi was so thankful she hadn't deleted the pictures of them together in an angry drunken stupor one night. Lexi and Jay took a few deep relieved breaths, waiting for the tension to dissipate.

Lexi had been panicked, she did think Jordan was going to kill Jay. But she composed herself quicker internally than she made visible on the outside, she took a few unnecessary unsteady breaths, feigning fear. She needed to give Hank enough time to tell the team about her call, give Adam time to snitch that her excuse was false, it was crucial for the next part of her plan. But there were only two minutes left before a squad car could potentially roll up on them. She silently prayed that there had been some major traffic accident, delaying the response time. Although Trudy would make it a priority knowing it was Molly's alarm.

* * *

"Okay, listen up" Hank announced walking out of his office. "Jay and Lexi are out sick. Food poisoning from the restaurant you went to" he explained looking at Kim and Adam, "you two feel okay?"

Kim and Adam eyed each other looking confused. "Boss we weren't with them?" Adam confessed.

Hank didn't have time to get angry or be confused as Kevin's phone rang "It's Lexi" he advised the room. Everyone surrounded his desk Hank telling him to put the phone on speaker. "Hey" Kevin answered cheerily.

"Hey Kev, just calling to tell you not to come in this morning" Lexi explained "I'm off sick, a stomach thing. I'll do the stock take."

"Okay cool. You sure?" Kevin played along knowing she was giving him clues.

"Yeah I'm sure. Spend some time with your three angels. Just come in as usual for your shift at two"

Alvin understood Lexi's 'three little angels' meaning immediately, she was referring to the victims, it was a code. 'Come in at two' - there were two people with her, he walked to his desk calling Trudy downstairs. Antonio's cell phone rang on his desk, he answered quickly seeing it was Gabby from the caller I.D.

Kevin continued the façade. "Don't you need someone to lift the barrels?"

"Jay is here taking care of me, he can help do it" she told him.

"Okay, sure. I'll see you at two" The line went dead.

"What was that?" Kim asked aloud confusion creasing her brow.

"She's telling us Jordan is there with an accomplice." Hank explained.

"Her and Jay are at Molly's" Dawson continued grabbing his jacket and a CPD tablet. "The silent alarm sent an alert to Gabby's phone, she said there's two guys there with guns and Jay looks hurt" he explained using the tablet to log in to the security system using the details Gabby had given him.

"The silent alarm at Molly's trigged fourteen minutes ago" Alvin confirmed following the team out of the office. "Responding officers are three minutes out, have been told to go in dark, no sirens, watch the place, nothing more"

"Let's go" Hank told them.

* * *

Lexi had convinced Jordan she needed to call Kevin, claiming him to be a barman at Molly's, who was due to arrive at ten a.m. to do a monthly inventory check. Explaining to Jordan they didn't need any surprises or anyone else showing up that could cause a problem. Kevin had played along perfectly, just as Lexi knew he would.

Jordan and Billy were stood behind the bar, discussing something quietly. "You did good" Jay whispered as Lexi lifted his shirt to check his wound. The blood was beginning to come through the packaging Lexi had applied. "I don't think he's suspicious at all"

Lexi smiled at his compliment. "I just hope they stopped the responding squad car before they knock the door"

"So far so good" Jay said optimistically grimacing and Lexi applied more bandages to his stomach.

"You gotta hold in there for me" she told him worry making her voice quiver. "Please, I'm gonna get you out of here I promise. I have a plan, you just have to hold on for me please"

Jay pulled her to him, resting his forehead against hers "I'm not going anywhere without you"

Lexi didn't have time to argue as Jordan and Billy returned from their quiet discussion. "I want you to question me" Jordan advised completely pokerfaced. "I didn't do the crimes I'm accused of. You're after the wrong man"

Lexi and Jay exchanged a disbelieving look, Jordan hadn't said he was innocent, he simply hadn't committed the crimes they were looking at him for. They both knew they had to be cautious, he was after all a trained lawyer, or had been, he knew how to manipulate words, how to say something without criminalising himself and knew what not to say. He knew his lack of proclaiming innocence would peak their interest. If he wasn't guilty of rape and murder, what was he guilty of? What was his connection?

"You gonna let us take you in?" Jay asked already knowing the answer.

The brothers laughed together. "I know what happens when intelligence get involved. They told us stories in law school about your guys. You guys can make anything stick" Jordan explained. "We're gonna stay right here, you can record the whole thing"

"Okay, and I get to read you your rights" Lexi compromised.

Jordan was weary, he knew reading his rights would make his testimony unchangeable. He unwillingly nodded.

"Okay" Jay agreed, "tell us your side of the story. From the beginning"


	15. Hostage Situation

**Chapter 15 – Hostage Situation**

"No one in or out since we got here" Officer Williams told Hank as he approached their squad car. "All's been quiet"

"The windows are frosted and too high to look through without being spotted" Officer Johnson provided "Can't even see shadows moving around"

"Okay thanks guys stick around we might need you" Hank advised before walking back to his pick-up truck.

The intelligence team congregating around the tablet Adam was using showing the four cameras view the security system offered. The first camera on the back door leading the Lexi's apartment, the second on the main front entrance, the third on the back door in the kitchen and the fourth above the main entrance giving a view of the whole bar. Adam zoomed in on the fourth camera making it fill the screen. They could see Jay, Lexi, Billy and Jordan clearly, sitting around having what seemed to be a civil chat.

"Jay doesn't look good" Kim stated, he was slumped in his chair, leaning to one side, his hand on his stomach.

"I want two ambos on standby" Hank commanded pointing at Kevin.

"Are you waiting for the hostage negotiator?" Dawson asked, "or are we doing this ourselves?"

"They're our family" Hank began taking his phone from his pocket. "We're doing this"

* * *

Jordan kept his gun pointed at Jay, his eyes boring in to Lexi and Jay as Billy pulled a table in front of them. Lexi kept her eyes on Jay, he was beginning to sweat, he was panting, breathing too fast, he was losing too much blood. Lexi knew all too well what he was feeling, she had been in the same position not so long ago after Calvin had stabbed her.

Billy put the table between the bar and where Jay and Lexi sat. Jordan and Billy sat on the tall bar stools, turning them to face Lexi and Jay, high enough up that the table didn't conceal Lexi and Jay's hands.

They held their guns on their laps. Jay had told them it would make matters more comfortable for everyone if they ensured the safeties were on. Billy clicked his on and Jordan eyed him for a second before doing the same. Billy pressed record on Lexi's phone and set it on the table in between them.

"Monday February eleven" Jay began, "This is Detective Jay Halstead" he spoke loudly to ensure the phone picked up his voice.

"And Detective Lexi Shay of the Intelligence Unit of Chicago PD. We are here with Jordan Evans and Billy Evans, say your names please"

"Jordan Evans"

"William Evans"

"Jordan Evans has had his rights read to him and is accused of three counts of rape, two counts of attempted murder, and three counts of murder. He has waived his right to council. Please confirm you agree with this statement"

Jordan rolled his eyes "I have been read my rights and I have waived my right to council"

"Okay Jordan, the floor is yours"

"I did not rape or murder those women. I will volunteer a DNA sample." Jordan knew he had Jay and Lexi right where he wanted them. A guilty person would not agree to give a DNA sample.

Lexi's phone ringing interrupted them. Hank's name on the caller ID. Jordan looked at Lexi absolute panic in his eyes, but it was Jay who spoke, "that will be for you."

Jordan reacted quickly, standing up and pointing his gun at Jay. Lexi moved at the same time throwing herself in front of Jay, standing between the weapon and Jay. She held her hands up, to show she wasn't a threat. She spoke fast and loudly, "Wait, hear me out" Lexi pleaded.

* * *

" _They're our family" Hank began taking his phone from his pocket. "We're doing this"_

Hank held the phone in his hand as it rang aloud. The team standing around him, watching the drama unfold on the tablet screen Lexi standing in front of Jay protecting him.

"He knows." Lexi's voice came through the speaker. "He knows we're here. We triggered a silent alarm when we came in"

Dawson yelled "Shit", as they all winced witnessing Jordan hit Lexi with his gun.

Voicemail answered the call, Hank hung up, immediately calling back. "Sarge" Adam said watching Lexi talk with Jordan on screen, talking him down. "Give her a minute" he suggested.

Hank continued to call, redialling as soon as voicemail took the call.

Truck 81, squad 3 and ambulance 61 pulled up outside the crime scene tape. Gabby jumped from the rig walking quickly to the tape as Antonio walked toward her telling Officer Williams and Johnson to let her through. "What's going on?" Gabby asked her brother.

"It's a hostage situation at the moment" Antonio explained to his sister.

Hank nodded his greeting to the CFD crew, still holding the ringing phone. "Thought we might be able to help" Chief Boden offered shaking Hank's hand. "I put us out of service for as long as you need us"

"Appreciate it" Hank thanked him.

"You be able to get a ladder in to Lexi's apartment?" Adam asked forming a plan in his mind.

Boden, Severide, Casey and Adam started planning a sneak attack of sorts, discussing how they could get the ladders up to Lexi's apartment windows, take one out quietly and enter Molly's stealthily.

Gabby interrupted the plan. "There's no way to open the door from her apartment in to Molly's without making a noise. It's heavy and creaks"

Adam sighed disheartened throwing his hands in the air frustrated.

* * *

_She spoke quickly and loudly, "Wait, hear me out" Lexi pleaded._

Billy was slow to react, not standing or pointing his gun until Lexi spoke. "What does he want you already called in sick?" Billy questioned.

"He knows." Lexi told them honestly. "He knows we're here. We triggered a silent alarm when we came in" Jordan stomped toward her fury scrunching his features and she knew he was going to strike her.

Lexi planted her feet, balance was important, she didn't want to fall over and give him a clear shot to Jay. Her body tensed involuntarily. Using the butt of the gun he struck her left cheek, her jaw bone taking most of the impact. She hated the small cry of pain that escaped her not wanting to give Jordan the satisfaction knowing he had hurt her. She dug her nails in to her palms as an attempt to stop herself retaliating, a small pain compared to the jarring pain travelling around her face.

Jay tried to stand to defend her and only managed to lift himself an inch from the chair before Lexi turned to push him back down. "I'm fine" she told him blinking back tears, thankful she wore her hair down today as it shielded her pained tears from Jordan.

She faced Jordan using her tongue to feel her teeth, thinking the blow may have knocked one loose. Her teeth were fine, but she could taste her own blood. She would have spat it in Jordan's face, if his outstretched arm didn't allow the barrel of his gun to rest against her breast bone. "You're still in control here" she spoke coolly even though in her mind she fantasied about jumping over the table and bashing his skull on the floor. "It's not over. Answer the phone." Her voice was a lot calmer than she felt. "Tell him Jay is hurt and your sending him out"

"They'll have snipers ready" Jordan yelled spit flying from his mouth.

The phone stopped ringing.

"Not yet" Lexi advised "they won't be here for another ten minutes. I guarantee you right now it's just the intelligence team and maybe a couple squad cars" she took a deep breath and looked directly at Jordan trying to ignore the pressure of the gun against her. Her eyes conveying the truth she spoke. "I'd bet my life on it" the pressure of the gun dropped slightly, she knew she was getting through to him. He was trusting her.

The phone rang again.

"I'm begging you please" Lexi said before she took a deep breath closing her eyes, giving herself a second to compose herself. "I'm holding it together as best I can right now but I'm going to lose my shit if you don't let him go" she confessed speaking fast trying to get her point across, the phone incessantly ringing, as soon as the voicemail picked up it would ring again. "So, I'm begging you please. You want me to listen, right? You want to be heard, I'll stay, I'll stay, and we can talk for as long as you want"

"Lexi no" Jay said weakly from behind her, Lexi could hear he was slipping, he was close to losing consciousness.

She ignored Jay's remark, focusing solely on Jordan. "Let Jay go, let him get help. I'll stay, I'll listen to you, but I can't do that… I can't focus on you with him bleeding out. I've had a wound like that" she pulled her shirt up a few inches and watched Jordan's eyes flick down seeing her scar courtesy of Calvin. "I know he doesn't have long. Please." The phone stopped ringing. Lexi continued as it sprang to life again. "I'll get on my hands and knees and beg, if that what it takes, I'll do whatever you want. Please."

Jordan regarded her with suspicion. "Jordan, come on, she's right" Billy told his brother. "This is going sideways fast, we don't need a dead cop too."

Jordan's gaze switched to the ringing phone, Lexi saw an opportunity. "Put it on speaker phone I'll help you, I promise" she told him.

Jordan looked dubious "Why would you help me?"

"Because I love him" her bottom lip quivering with emotion "I love him" her voice broke her emotions too strong to hold back. "I can't watch him die" she choked on a sob unable to keep her cool.

Jordan's gaze didn't drop from her eyes, nor did the gun from her chest, but he used his free hand to press the accept button on the call. "Talk" Jordan commanded Lexi pressing the speaker button.

Lexi wiped her tears away and spoke steadily, "Hey Sarge, who's out there with you?" She could see Hank's face clearly in her mind, the look of conflict he would wear, he recognised Lexi and Jay were in danger, but he also wouldn't want to give up their tactics. "I need the truth" she explained more for Jordan's benefit than Hank's. She knew the team were listening to them, appreciated they would play their part as she needed them too. "My life depends on it." She emphasised.

"Intelligence, and a squad"

"How far out are SWAT?"

Hank sighed answering reluctantly. "Seven minutes"

Lexi looked in to Jordan's eyes. "See, I wasn't lying" she told him, Jordan's eyes softened but he still wore a look of anger. "We have seven minutes to open the door and get him out"

"Who's in there with you?" Hank asked. He didn't want Jordan to know they had eyes and ears in there. The cameras were discreet, hidden in light fixtures or decorative accessories, unless you knew they were there you couldn't see them.

"Jordan Evans" Jordan replied boldly. "and my brother Billy"

"What is it that you want Jordan?" Hank enquired flatly.

"I just want to be heard. I want my side of the story to be told"

"Okay, I get it, you want the truth out there" Hank agreed. "We can do that at the district."

Seeing Jordan's patience was waning Lexi spoke before Jordan, "Boss, Jay is hurt." She explained trying to sound calm. "Jordan has agreed to let him out. But he's going to need help. Give us a couple minutes to work out the logistics and I'll call you back"

* * *

Hank ended the call. "Be ready to go" He told Gabby and Sylvie. They both nodded taking off running toward their ambulance.

"Lexi's got this" Alvin told an evidently concerned Hank. "They've been in there half hour and she's already convinced him to let Jay go"

Hank nodded agreeing with Alvin's assessment, but it didn't help calm his nerves or extinguish his anger.

"She's good boss" Adam agreed listening in to Lexi's plan on the tablet as she explained it Jordan. "She's got him on side. He thinks he's calling the shots, but she's got him"

Hank's phone rang in his hand. "Right this is how this is going to play out" Lexi spoke with certainty. "Ruzek and Dawson are going to meet Jay at the door. Standing on either side, unarmed." Antonio and Adam began removing their weapons. "I'm going to unlock it from inside. No one makes a move until Jordan says so."

"There will be a gun on her the whole time" Jordan continued "I even smell something off, I'll kill her"

"Understood" Hank said.

"Okay everyone get in to position" Lexi commanded. "Stay on the line, wait for Jordan's orders"

* * *

Lexi unlocked the door whilst holding Jay upright, him slumped in to her side. "I need you to be strong for just a few minutes" she told him softly turning the key in the lock. She didn't know if Jay would make it down the three steps outside Molly's without collapsing, she wasn't sure he had the strength to walk that small distance.

"I'm not leaving you" Jay protested feebly, not for the first time.

Lexi's eyes welled up as she looked in to his pain-stricken face. She wanted to remember everything, his blue eyes, the colour of his hair, the crease of his brow, the stubble he had. His blue eyes glazed slightly, sweat beads on his forehead, she knew he was fading. "I need you to do this for me. Please." She pleaded "I can't lose you too, I wouldn't survive it" she kissed him harder than she had intended too but her emotions got the better of her. What if this was the last time she saw him? The last time she kissed him?

He kissed her back finding the strength to lift his arm and put his hand on her cheek. "I love you"

"I love you too, forever" she promised lifting his arm from her around her shoulder and leaning him against the door. "Don't die" she said as she stepped aside as the plan demanded.

"Stay alive" he demanded as he stared at her photographing her face to his memory before pushing the door open. He managed to walk out of view without falling.

"Okay you can get him" Jordan ordered through the phone before Lexi stood back in front of the door, she had enough time to see Adam and Antonio catch Jay before he collapsed to the floor as she pulled the door closed and locked it.

"Leave the keys in the lock" Jordan demanded, leaving the keys in the lock would mean they couldn't use keys from the outside. "No one comes in and no one calls for an hour," Jordan spoke in to the phone "or she gets a matching whole to your buddy out there" he threatened.

"Lexi?" Hank questioned

"I'm okay boss" she confirmed. "Give us an hour. We'll call you" Jordan ended the call without waiting for Hank's reply.


	16. Tall Tales

**Chapter 16 – Tall Tales**

Lexi walked slowly away from the door, lost in a trance. She was alone, alone with a homicidal rapist with a gun. She told herself to focus on something else, only then seeing Jay's blood trickling down the chair where he had sat. His blood dripping in to a small puddle on the floor, maybe his wound had been worse than she first thought. She looked at her hands, covered in Jay's blood, some of it dry some of it fresh. She wanted so bad to wash them, she rubbed them vigorously up and down her jeans, wiping off as much as she could.

"Here" Billy said handing her some alcohol wipes he had found in the medical supplies bag. Lexi took them looking up at him, his smile was sympathetic almost tender. Billy was conflicted, he felt sorry for Lexi, why else would he give her the wipes seeing her trying to wash her friends blood from her hands? But he wanted to help his brother too, was loyal to his flesh and blood.

Lexi sat down unable to take her eyes off Jay's puddle of blood. She found a small piece of relief knowing Jay was getting help. He would be in an ambulance on his way to med, Will had saved Lexi's life when she had a stab wound in the same place Jay had been shot.

Will had performed a miracle in Lexi's eyes, he had done it in her home, with limited supplies, and she had been bleeding for almost twenty-four hours before getting to him. Yet Will still managed to save her life. Jay's situation was different, his chances better, she silently prayed.

"Set the phone up again" Jordan commanded Billy sitting down on the bar stool.

* * *

Antonio and Adam caught Jay as he fell to his knees on the sidewalk outside Molly's. They each took one of his arms and hoisted him up, throwing his arms over their shoulders and carried him away from Molly's to Gabby and Sylvie waiting with the stretcher.

"Adam, you gotta get in there" Jay told him breathlessly grabbing the neck of his shirt to stop him from walking away. "You can't leave her in there with him, he's unstable"

"We've got her back don't worry" Adam assured him slowly pulling Jay's hand from his shirt.

"Concentrate on yourself" Antonio suggested.

"I'll stay with you" Gabby told Jay calmly, "I'll stay at the hospital with you, Antonio can keep us updated and I'll keep him updated on you. You know it's the first thing Lexi will ask" Jay smiled weakly at her.

"We gotta go" Sylvie informed them pushing the stretcher in to the back of the ambulance.

"Don't let anything happen to her" Jay called to Adam and Antonio as Gabby climbed in to the ambulance beside him.

* * *

Lexi's phone sat on the table recording Jordan's story. Jordan explained how he was fired for sexual misconduct from the first law firm he landed a job at after graduating law school. This detail Lexi knew to be true. The rest of his story was clutching at straws.

Jordan found a job at a dive bar in a not so nice part of town. He got friendly with a regular, a shady character, Brian. Brian would go in to the bar every day and tell Jordan how much he hated women, telling him how he had been divorced four times, each wife taking everything from him.

The men swapped stories and bonded over the women that they felt had screwed them over in one way or another.

Jordan claimed it had been Brian's idea to get revenge on the women who had wronged them. They spent three weeks plotting against Brian's ex-wives. Jordan had helped Brian trash his third wife's car, ransack and rob his fourth wife's house and set fire to his seconds wife's laundromat that she had acquired with Brian's alimony money. Unfortunately or luckily, they couldn't find his first wife.

Lexi didn't doubt Brian existed or that Jordan had helped carry out the crimes he spoke of, she knew Jordan was admitting to aiding Brian as those crimes were lesser charges than rape and murder.

Lexi began to think he might have a mental condition, as Billy had said. Jordan was very animated telling his story, using his hands as he spoke, waving his gun around like it was nothing. Jordan's mood flipped from assertive in control hostage taker to a bored unsuspecting everyday man that had nothing to hide in a split second. Maybe he was bipolar or had a split personality?

Lexi was listening to his tall tale glancing at the clock behind him every few minutes, counting down the hour Jordan had insisted on radio silence. An hour of not knowing Jay's condition, an hour to imagine all the things that could go wrong, an hour of the agonising thought of losing him. She knew if something bad had happened to Jay, if it were bad news, Hank wouldn't tell over the phone, not whilst she was stuck in Molly's unable to do anything. But she would be able to tell from Hank's tone of voice if he were lying.

By the time Jordan had got to the criminal aspects of his story, there were twenty minutes of the hour left. Lexi's patience was wearing thin, and she was about to say as such when Jordan dropped what he thought was the bomb shell.

"Brian raped and murdered those women." The sneer on his face made Lexi think of a Tiger, silently stalking its prey before leaping on its throat. "I merely stood by and watched. Brian cut off their ears as a trophy for me, to thank me for helping him extract his revenge on his wrongdoers, for helping him complete his quest for payback".

* * *

Hank exited the command van that had been set up after a uniform had told him the hostage negotiator had arrived. He watched as the middle-aged, rotund, balding guy strode toward him.

"Glen Clarkson, hostage negotiator" he said holding his hand out for Voight to shake. "I understand you're in charge out here"

Hank shook his hands. "Yes, I am"

"I was briefed on the way over here," Glen explained following Hank back in to the operations van. "I need to talk to the guy in charge inside"

"Her name is Detective Shay" Trudy commented not taking her eyes from the large screens, showing inside Molly's.

Glen's furrowed brow showed how confused he was. "I thought she was the hostage"

"She is, but she's got this guy confessing to everything" Trudy said her eyes wide with awe as she watched Lexi on screen.

"That's great" Glen confirmed nodding, "but the guy in charge is usually the one with the gun"

"She's got it under control" Hank advised "he told us not to call for an hour, or he'd shoot her. That was about forty minutes ago."

"I need to make contact. Establish a relationship" Glen stepped toward the phone that sat on the desk beside Adam.

Adam stood up pushing himself between the desk and Glen's protruding gut. "Did you not hear him? He said he'd shoot her" Adam repeated, Glen stared Adam down, waiting for him to back off and get out of his way. "How about you hear this?" Adam began threateningly. "If her phone rings before that hour is up, I'll shoot you"

Glen took a weary step back looking to Commander Fischer for interference, he shrugged unapologetically.

Hank proudly smirking spoke "You're welcome to stay" he said "but you sit down and don't get in our way"

* * *

" _for helping him complete his quest for payback"._

Lexi managed to control her eye roll before it occurred, 'quest for payback', what was this Game of Thrones? Jordan had been watching too much tv.

"I will give a full statement and testify for full immunity to all crimes" Jordan promised once he had finished his explanation of events. "Including today"

Lexi sighed annoyed, her patience all but disappeared, a fully formed headache making her pulse sound in her ears. "Let's cut the bullshit" she suggested. "The only thing I believe of what you just told me is you helping Brian. You want us to waste time, chase a false lead." she acknowledged nodding her head. "I haven't lied to you,"

"What about the silent alarm?" Billy pointed out interrupting her.

"I didn't lie, you didn't ask" Lexi argued "I failed to mention it, it wasn't lie" she said looking at Jordan. He was smiling fondly at her, almost proudly. Jordan was a qualified lawyer, he knew the difference between a lie and omitting a fact. Lexi averted her eyes, not liking the smirk he wore. "We have DNA from all the victims, I'm guessing if you wrapped your hands around my throat again your hands would match perfectly, thanks for that by the way" she smiled sarcastically earning a small twitch of Jordan's lips

"Hey, you gave as good as you got" Jordan praised holding up his bandaged hand where Lexi had stabbed him with Kelly's car key.

Lexi shrugged indifferently, continuing her list of evidence, "I'm guessing the bullet we got from the third victim will match the bullet that's currently in Jay's stomach." She laid it all out for him, listing the facts of the case. "It's just us three in here" she lied. "From here on out, let's agree to tell each other the truth"

"Okay" Jordan agreed nodding. "The truth it is." Jordan clapped his hands together excitedly, now they were getting somewhere, getting to the good stuff. "Who did you lose?" Lexi furrowed her brow puzzled, she didn't understand his question. "When your boyfriend was leaving, you said you couldn't lose him too, so who did you lose?"

Lexi exhaled, she didn't want to discuss Leslie with Jordan, but it could help her, she could use it to her advantage. Tell Jordan she understood his need to look out for his brother, Lexi suspected that had been the reason for attacking Emily, some misguided attempt at protecting his brother's honour after being rejected by her. "My twin sister, not so long ago" she started, her lip quivered again threatening to break her tough exterior.

Lexi's expression of emotion didn't seem to affect Jordan, but she saw Billy's eyes glaze over a little at Lexi's suppression of tears. Emotion meant nothing to Jordan, he wanted more information, "How did it happen?"

"She was killed, in an arson attack."

"You catch the guy?" Jordan asked expectantly.

"I didn't" she told him "the team did." It wasn't a lie, she hadn't caught Trent Lamont, she had been at the cabin at the time. The intelligence team had caught him, Jay had put a bullet through his head. She waited for Jordan to ask any further follow up questions. "My turn to ask the questions?"

Jordan rolled his eyes as if he were bored, she took his eye roll as a confirmation. "How did you find me?" she wanted to start small, gain a bit more of his trust, gauge if he would tell her the truth or not.

"That was me" Billy confessed "I saw you on the news. It was my idea to come here, explain his side of the story. I thought you looked like someone who would listen. Give him a chance"

"You were right" Jordan praised patting his brothers back. "Your name doesn't bring a lot up on social media, but we'd checked the GPS on your car that we stole. This place was frequently visited, we watched the place last night, saw you come home" Jordan incorrectly assuming Kelly's car had been Lexi's.

Lexi nodded, it sounded plausible, they were telling her the truth. "Tell me" Lexi started, "how a smart, educated, guy like you ends up doing this Jordan? Please help me understand it"

"Billy told you" Jordan's mouth curved in to a sadistic, sarcastic grin "I'm sick, or at least that's what the family doctor says"

Lex knew the glint in his eyes meant he wasn't going to confess to not being sick. The family doctor comment told her that his parents were probably involved and had more than likely subjected Jordan to tests when he was younger, fearing yet hoping he was sick mentally to explain away his troubling behaviour. Billy truly believed it and Jordan wanted him to continue to believe it. It was easier for Billy to comprehend that his brother was mentally unwell, the brother he loved so dearly, wasn't purely evil, just sick.

Lexi cleared her throat, changing her line of questioning. "Okay, so let's start with Emily Donoghue, why her?" Lexi directed the question at Jordan, but she watched for Billy's reaction. He averted his gaze, his eyes downcast and he repositioned himself on the chair, clearly this was an uncomfortable conversation for him.

"She was a practise run" Jordan affirmed smiling at getting to relive his sordid crimes. Finally, able to talk aloud about the things he had done, somewhat of a relief. "To see how easy it would be." his smile and daydreaming gaze infuriated Lexi.

She wanted to launch off the chair and throttle him, a bullet to the head was too easy, too quick. He deserved pain, fear, she wanted to see the life drain from his eyes as he struggled to breathe.

"Billy told me he had asked her out and she said no. He said she was a nice girl." Jordan's shrug emitted indifference, nice girl or not, it didn't matter. "We'd jogged past her a couple mornings before and she said hi. She was so fake" he said disgusted "acting all shy when I said she was pretty, pretending her ass jiggled that way naturally as she ran."

Lexi hoped the guys outside were getting all this. Jordan was laying it all out for her and she had an idea as to why. There was a name for it, death by cop or suicide by cop, Jordan agreeing to tell her the truth without much hesitation had rang alarm bells. Jordan didn't plan on living long enough to go to trial or see the inside of a prison cell.

Jordan explained in graphic detail what he did to Emily, and even commented on mistakes he made. He felt his biggest mistake was taking too long to finish the job. Giving Lexi time to interrupt them. "I didn't believe you were a cop" he admitted. Lexi had announced she was a cop when she had entered the space he had attacked Emily in. "I thought you were just saying that to scare me"

"Would it have made a difference if you had believed me?"

Jordan licked his lips reminding Lexi of a snake, "guess we'll never know"

Lexi swallowed back the bile that rose in her throat. She took a few deep breaths and tried to tell herself not to let the disgust and venom she felt show on her face. She had heard enough about Emily, she couldn't bear to listen to anymore of his justifications. "And Lisa Allen, what did she do to you to deserve the beating you gave her?"

"Oh, I'm gonna need a drink if we're talking about that bitch" Jordan said tapping Billy's leg instructing him to get Jordan a drink.

Billy stood instantly and walked around the bar fixing his brother a drink. He had apparently done it before, knowing exactly what to make without asking. A whiskey on the rocks. Lexi waited for Billy to pass his brother his drink declining Billy's offer to make her one. "Lisa Allen, you were saying" Lexi prompted.

"Two years I wasted on that slut!" Jordan clarified sipping his drink. "Two years, she flirted with me, used me to help her study, always making sure she was just out of reach. I finally plucked up enough courage to ask her out and she laughed in my face!" Jordan's face twisted with rage. "Said I was like a brother to her and she had a boyfriend from high school!"

"It's true" Lexi offered "they got married just after you graduated college" Jordan shrugged unaffected by the revelation.

Kim had updated Lexi on the third victim over the weekend. Lexi knew the third victim was Alexandra Matthews. A lawyer at the law firm Jordan had landed a job at. He had been there eight months, before being fired for inappropriate sexual behaviour toward Alexandra. They had kept it in house, not alerted the authorities and that had been the trigger to set Jordan on the path he was currently on. "Alexandra Matthews was just pure revenge, right? She ruined your life, everything you had worked hard for? Why should she get to enjoy her life?"

Jordan didn't like Lexi being in his head, understanding him, being on his level. "What would you know about revenge?" he asked fury dripping from his voice.

"More than you'd believe"

"Try me"

Lexi contemplated for a second, what could she say without getting herself in to trouble knowing there were eyes and ears on them. "My sister was the better person, the good person." She began choosing her words carefully. "I've got my demons. I've done some questionable things, I told myself it was in the name of justice, but it was more for my own sense of revenge."

Jordan laughed giddily, Lexi knew he was beginning to like her, maybe saw a bit of himself in her. "Questionable enough to put you in jail?" he watched her closely waiting for a response, when she took too long to respond he coaxed, "Come on, it's just us here" he repeated her words. "I thought we agreed not to lie to each other"

Lexi nodded almost undetectably for the cameras. "Yes, things that would put me in prison"

Jordan chuckled slapping his leg excitedly, more erratic and weird behaviour. "I'm guessing there's no evidence."

Lexi smiled at him conveying a kinship, faking friendliness. "I said questionable, I didn't say dumb"

"You mean dumb like Jordan" Billy asked without malice or accusation. Billy was a smart kid he knew there was only one way for this to end, his brother in jail. "There's evidence against him right, he's going to jail"

Lexi's face showed compassion for the boy, an understanding of the fear of losing his brother. "Yes" she told him honestly. "If we all get out of here alive, he's going to prison"

"Is there anything you can do?" Billy asked tears swimming in his eyes.

Lexi shook her head slowly, she didn't want to help Jordan, couldn't even if she had wanted to but she could help Billy. "No, it's too late. I can help you though" Jordan's expression was hopeful as Lexi continued. "I can get you full immunity, Billy."

"How?" Jordan questioned.

Lexi knew Jordan loved his brother, possibly the only person he did love. You could tell the way Jordan looked at him and spoke to him. The fact Jordan trusted Billy enough to have him with him in this moment meant Billy had Jordan's heart.

Lexi shrugged like what she was about to say was no big deal. "Billy's a minor but could still be charged as an adult if they felt like it, hostage charges, weapons charges. But you can say you coerced him to be here give a full confession," Lexi didn't say it but Jordan giving a full confession would also save Emily the trauma of a trial, reliving her ordeal in a room full of strangers. She knew helping Emily would do nothing to persuade Jordan but helping his brother would, "Save Billy the heartache of watching his brother's crimes playout in a court room."

"You don't have that kind of pull."

"I can have a full immunity agreement here within the hour" she replied confidently. Jordan didn't respond but she could see him thinking over her words. He couldn't save himself, but he could save his brother.

Lexi's eyes flicked to the clock, it had been an hour and forty minutes since Jay had left. She wanted so badly to call Voight, get an update but she couldn't. She was making progress with Jordan, even as his behaviour flitted between normal to erratic, she was wearing him down. She could see it. One way or another, this would be over soon, she felt it. Either Jordan would surrender, or Hank would give the order to breach and take him down.


	17. Make The World A Better Place

**Chapter 17 – Make The W** **orld a Better Place.**

Jay's mind was hazy. His eyes heavy, too heavy to open right now. He could hear the faint beeping from some sort of machine, but it sounded far away, maybe in another room. He swallowed, his throat was so dry, and suddenly he was thirstier than he had ever been.

He tried to speak, ask someone for a drink, ask whoever was around what was happening, where was he? What had happened? Maybe Lexi…

He was fully awake the second her name crossed his mind. "LEXI" He yelled thrashing in his bed desperately trying to sit up, startling Gabby and Will who had been watching over him.

"Take it easy" Will told Jay restraining him with the help of Gabby "calm down, Jay, it's us, you're ok"

Jay's eyes focused and he recognised his brother, "Where's Lexi? Where is she?" he demanded no longer thrashing but still tensing against their resisting arms.

Will and Gabby exchanged a concerning look, Gabby answered him, speaking serenely, almost as if she were talking to a scared child. "She's still in there"

Jay swung his legs off the bed as Gabby and Will restrained him each taking an arm to keep him in the bed. "I have to go" Jay explained fighting with what little strength he had to break free. He couldn't stay there, he had to go back to the scene, help Lexi somehow, make sure she was okay.

"Jay, stop please" Will said raising his voice, "we just took a bullet out of you, you have to stop" Will tried to reason. "DON'T MAKE ME SEDATE YOU" he yelled as a nearby nurse entered the room as Jay gave up his fight, too weak to continue. "No, it's okay" Will advised the Nurse who asked if he needed her to prepare a sedative. "He's not going to fight anymore" he advised wide-eyes boring in to Jay to drill home his point.

"I have to go back" Jay told his brother, "I can't stay here"

"If I let you go anywhere right now Lexi would kick my ass!" Will told Jay smiling reassuringly. "Don't ever tell her this but she kinda scares me"

Gabby chuckled at Will's admittance of fear of Lexi. "Will's right, she'd kill all of us" she agreed "There's nothing you can do for her Jay" Gabby told him woefully, she felt just as helpless as he did.

"The only thing you can do is stay here and heal" Will suggested, "Lexi will be here as soon as she can be" he sounded confident, but his eyes shone with worry.

Jay sighed quitting his fight. "Call Antonio please" he asked looking at Gabby "I need an update, I need to know what's happening"

Gabby nodded pressing Antonio's name on her phone and putting it on speaker phone. "Hey Sis" Antonio answered with a sigh.

"Hey Bro, Jay's awake, he wants an update"

"Hey Buddy" Antonio greeted a smile in his voice, thankful for the good news.

"Hey" Jay replied warmly, "what's happening"

"She's okay. He's confessed to everything, even some details we didn't want to know. He trusts her" Antonio confirmed "I think it will be over soon, she's wearing him down"

"Has he hit her again?" Jay asked coldly

"No, hasn't laid a finger on her" Antonio told him firmly. "Rest up, I gotta go, I'll call you in half hour"

* * *

" _I can have a full immunity agreement here within the hour" she replied confidently her. Jordan didn't respond but she could see him thinking over her words. He couldn't save himself, but he could save his brother._

"So, my brother would go to prison, but I wouldn't?" Billy asked miserably.

"Yes, Jordan would go to prison" she spoke softly feeling sorry for the boy. "Although I don't think that's the plan, is it Jordan?" she asked knowingly. "I don't think that was ever the plan"

Jordan didn't respond, for the first time he looked ashamed, embarrassed that Lexi had figured out his real plan, annoyed that she had revealed his true plan to his brother.

"What is she talking about?" Billy asked looking to his brother. Jordan remained silent. "Jordan, tell me, what is she talking about?"

Jordan locked eyes with Lexi, so she spoke for him. "Jordan doesn't plan on surrendering." Lexi enlightened Billy. "His farfetched, yet entertaining story, about Brian was just to buy himself more time, whilst he tries to find the courage to do it"

Jordan's attitude switched again, he stood abruptly pointing the gun at Lexi's head, trying to make her stop talking. Lexi didn't raise her hands, she focused on Billy and continued talking. "He's going to walk out of here with a gun to my head-"

Jordan pulled his arm back and struck Lexi again, connecting the butt of the gun above her left eye. The blow knocked her back in the chair, she paused for a second, blinking her eyes rapidly to hold off blacking out. Willing herself not to pass out, she couldn't afford to be unconscious around Jordan, not when she was making progress.

Lexi shook her head, shaking off the desire to close her eyes, she pushed her hair from off her face. Staring Jordan down, a defiant look in her eyes, as blood trickled down her face, unflinching she continued to talk. "He'll have a gun on me, knowing SWAT will shoot him, we call it suicide by cop"

Billy's eyes grew wide with dread as Lexi explained what would happen to his brother. Then he found his anger and his voice standing up to face his brother. "TELL ME SHE'S LYING" Billy demanded his emotions taking over, fearful tears streaming down his cheeks. "TELL ME JORDAN, TELL ME SHE'S LYING"

Jordan stared at Lexi, the gun pointed at her, ignoring his brother, "JORDAN" Billy demanded an explanation.

Jordan quickly embraced his brother, holding him tightly as Billy fought him off, not accepting the hug as a response. "I'm sorry dude, I'm sorry" Jordan told him ignoring Billy's struggles to be let go.

"Jordan listen to me" Lexi said standing up. Jordan took it as a threat releasing his brother and pointing his gun at Lexi. She held her hands up and stopped moving. He wasn't ready for it to be over yet, he wanted it to happen on his terms.

"I'm getting really tired of you pointing that at me" she told him gritting her teeth, ignoring the pain that shot through her jaw from his earlier strike. "And every time you do, I guarantee you the snipers outside get itchy trigger fingers" Lexi voiced slowly sitting back down again not breaking eye contact with Jordan.

Billy took charge and put his hand on his brother's arm, pushing it down to the floor.

Lexi smiled her thanks to Billy before telling Jordan. "You don't have to do this"

"There's no other choice!" Jordan understood the consequences to his actions. "I die or I'm going to jail"

"Those are choices" Lexi noted "neither are good choices, but it's a choice"

"Why do you care if I die or not?" Jordan enquired his eyes narrowed with suspicion.

Lexi shrugged her shoulders, "In the spirit of being honest, I don't" she confessed. "You'd be doing the world a favour, the world would be a better place without you in it" Jordan's barrier broke and Lexi saw his eyes glaze with tears, she continued knowing she was breaking him down. "But Billy's world wouldn't be. He's innocent, he's done nothing wrong" she pointed at Billy getting Jordan to look at him, focus on his brother. See the passion of Billy's tears. She spoke slowly, pausing often to allow Jordan to take in what she was saying. "He shouldn't have to suffer for what you have done…. I can tell you with the utmost certainty he will never get over losing you… He'll be able to forgive you for what you've done, he'll be able to get past that… but he will never, ever, be able to get over losing you for good. If you don't believe a word I've said, you have to believe that."

Jordan watched his brother crying and his own tears fell. Jordan stood snuffling back tears like a little kid, Lexi couldn't find any sympathy for him. She let silence fill the room, giving Jordan time to process her words, she didn't want to push him.

Lexi spoke softly, "isn't it better he visits you in prison than a grave yard?"

"Please Jordan, she's right" Billy begged "please I don't want to bury you"

Jordan sniffed back tears, regaining his assertive in control attitude. "Billy gets full immunity" he demanded.

"You have my word" Lexi agreed nodding "he's innocent and he's a minor, he didn't do anything"

"What happens if he surrenders?" Billy asked concerned for his brother. "You can't take him outside, you said they'll shoot him" he worried.

Lexi inhaled and exhaled slowly shaking her head. "We won't go outside" she planned quickly. "You give me the guns. You both lay on the floor, hands on your head. I'll unlock the door, the intelligence team and only the intelligence team will enter, they'll cuff you both as a precaution, then we'll all walk out of here together."

"Jordan please" Billy asked.

Jordan stared Lexi down. The moment of truth, how much did he trust Lexi? Did he love his brother enough to surrender? Was he willing to go to prison to save his brother heartache?

"I really am sorry about our little fight" Jordan advised Lexi pointing toward her damaged neck. "And about the kid" he was referring to Craig, for stabbing him. "I never wanted to hurt anyone who hadn't hurt me"

Lexi wanted to tell him that Emily, Lisa nor Alexandra had hurt him, they had bruised his ego. Jordan had made up the hurt in his mind to justify his reasoning for attacking them. Now wasn't the time, not when she was so close to ending it. "It's ok," she said smiling sympathetically at him. "I forgive you." She had said the words, but she didn't mean them, she didn't forgive him.

Jordan sighed dejectedly, it was over. He knew it, he knew he had nowhere to run, no more stories to tell, no more tricks up his sleeve. "Do as she says"

* * *

"Move now, let's go" Hank commanded the team unnecessarily as they all swung in to action as soon as Jordan agreed.

They piled out of the command vehicle and raced to the front of Molly's. All drawing their guns as they ran. Kim, Adam, Kevin stood on the left, Hank, Antonio and Olinsky on the right. "Wait for Lexi's signal" Hank commanded.

* * *

" _Do as she says"_

Billy immediately surrendered his gun to Lexi. She thumbed the safety and unloaded it quickly, allowing the bullets to fall to the fall before putting it in the waistband of her jeans.

Jordan slowly lifted his hand holding the gun pointing it toward the floor. "No bullshit?" he asked still sceptical that she wouldn't shoot him.

"No bullshit" she confirmed holding out her hand.

"I really am sorry about your neck and your face" Jordan admitted.

Lexi almost believed his smile was genuine as he pressed the gun in to her hand and she took possession of it, holding it toward the floor. "You have a minute to say goodbye" she said backing away from him toward the door. She needed to put distance between them in case Jordan changed his mind.

Jordan and Billy embraced tenderly, neither one able to find the words to convey their emotions. Lexi stood by the door, the gun pointing at the floor her eyes staring at the brothers, one hand on the keys in the door.

Jordan patted his brothers back before letting him go, both turning to face Lexi. "Lay on your stomachs, a few feet apart" she instructed "hands on your head" they did as they were told, Lexi waited until they were in position before unlocking the door. "BREACH" she commanded knowing the team would be waiting.

The doors burst open and the intelligence team piled in. Kim going to Lexi ensuring she was alright, the others surrounding the brothers, cuffing them.

"Lexi, are you ok?" Kim asked watching Lexi look through her watching the team take the brothers in to custody. "Lexi look at me" she said holding her face in her hand trying to gain her attention.

"Yes, yes" Lexi told her wriggling out of her grasp. "Jay?"

"He's okay, he's fine, he's awake, asking for you" Kim updated her.

Lexi pulled Billy's gun from her waistband and handed both weapons to Hank as the Evan's brothers were marched to the exit. "Jordan" Lexi called making Kevin and Adam stop him beside her. She waited until Jordan was looking her in the eye. "You didn't break Emily. She's the toughest, strong minded kid I've ever met, and you're barely a blip on her radar."

Adam waited a second ensuring Lexi was finished before he pushed Jordan through the door.

"You okay?" Hank asked her once Jordan had been led away.

Lexi began nodding her head, yes. The nod turned to a negative shake of the head, no she wasn't okay. She took a few deep breaths, panic and relief finally settling in.

"It's okay" Hank told her "breathe, it's over"

Lexi doubled over putting her hands on her knees, breathing deeply, fighting off the panic attack threatening to take hold. Kim rubbed her back soothingly. "You're okay, it's over, you're okay"

They gave her a couple minutes to compose herself then she followed them outside squinting in the bright sun. "I need to go to Jay" she said walking toward the command vehicle.

Commander Fischer approached her followed by Trudy. "Detective Shay, glad to see you're okay"

"Bruised but okay" Trudy commented.

Lexi smiled her thanks as Commander Fischer explained, "We need a debrief in an hour at the district"

"All due respect Sir, I've spent the morning with a gun in my face, watched my partner bleed out, and taken two blows to the face" she described her morning just in case the Commander wasn't aware. "You're debrief can wait" she told him firmly. "I'm going to med" she started walking away.

Commander Fischer's face screwed up with anger, his voice bellowed. "That is your second act of insubordination in as many days. I could take your badge"

Lexi unclipped her badge from her belt, turned as she walked backwards, "take it, I'm going to med to see my partner" She threw her badge toward the Commander but watched Hank step in its path catching it before Commander Fischer could. "You know where I'll be if you want to fire me" she turned on her heels and marched away.

She could hear Hank defending her to the Commander as she walked away. Hank explaining it had been a traumatic morning so they could excuse her behaviour on account of her being held hostage and having head trauma.

Lexi walked toward the rest of the team who were walking back toward the command van after handing off the Evans brothers to be transported to the district. "Good job Lex" Alvin praised hugging her followed by Antonio, Kevin and Adam.

"You okay?" Adam asked after embracing her, he held her by the shoulders to asses her face. The cut on her eye had left a thick line of blood down her face, her jaw was already bruising and swelling.

"That looks nasty" Kevin commented.

"Come on, let's get you to med" Adam said putting an arm around her shoulders as he led her to his waiting car followed by Kevin.

* * *

**Monday February 11** **th** **– Afternoon.**

Lexi entered med, walking faster the further she got in to the hospital, the closer she got to Jay the faster she walked. Kevin and Adam sped walked behind her, trying to keep up.

A nurse recognised her, knew why she was there, understood the urgency of her walk. "Room fourteen, second floor" She told Lexi without her having to ask.

Lexi jogged dodging past people, she took the stairs, the elevator wouldn't be fast enough. She pushed the door open hard and ran down the corridor, turning the corner at the end she saw Will stood outside room fourteen signing charts that a nurse held for him. Lexi ran around them and in to the room. Gabby gasped, shocked to see her from her chair beside Jay's bed

Jay sat up in the bed watching tv but not paying attention to it. He looked up hearing Gabby gasp and smiled relived to see Lexi. A million questions raced through his mind as she crossed the room, what happened to her eye? Was she okay? What happened? Did Jordan surrender or did they shoot him? He started asking if she was okay, her lips claiming his cut off his words.

Gabby excused herself as their kiss intensified, the kissing couple completely oblivious to her. "Maybe we should give them a minute" Gabby suggested exiting the room and closing the door.

"Better make it ten" Adam said turning his back on the window to give them some privacy.

Jay cupped Lexi's face in his hands, wanting to draw her closer to him. His mind went blank, the million questions he had forgotten, lost in the moment, engrossed in the relief she was there, with him, he was touching her. The feel of his hand on her face, the taste of her on his tongue. He knew in that moment he would never get enough of her, would never grow tired of kissing her. The sensation of his skin against hers, even the smallest of touches, his hands against her cheek, would always set him on fire.

Lexi cried with relief as she kissed him, her salty tears running in to their joined mouths. He worried he was hurting her, knowing she was injured and tried to pull away, she gripped the back of his head and held him against her unprepared to let go.

Excruciating pain shot from her jaw up to her ear, she felt the cut above her eye begin to bleed steadily again, but she didn't care. They were alive, and they were together, it was all that mattered.

* * *

Lexi woke with a start feeling a hand on her shoulder. She jumped to her feet, fists up and ready to fight. Will took a step back from her, arms up as if he were approaching a feral animal. "Woo, easy Lex. It's just me, it's just me"

Lexi's head throbbed, she could feel her pulse behind her eyes. Looking around noticing she was in a hospital room, she was dazed for a second. How did she get there? She remembered being at Molly's with Jordan, Billy and Jay, going to the hospital to see Jay, kissing him, then it was a bit hazy.

Will watched her visibly sigh, relieved to see Jay sleeping on the bed she had just jumped up from. "He's sleeping" he assured her. "You haven't been checked over" he explained "you fell asleep and no one wanted to wake you"

Lexi ran a hand over her face and yelped forgetting about the cut above her eye. "Can I take a look?" Will asked gesturing toward her eye.

Will pulled a chair next to the one that was already beside the bed, turning them to face one another. Will assessed her eye and jaw, trying to be gentle.

Lexi couldn't stifle the yawn that rose up. "How long was I asleep for?"

"About an hour" Will confirmed, "the guys went to get coffee. Everyone was afraid to wake you, but I think your eye needs stitches and you may have concussion" He flashed a light in her eye, getting her to follow his fingers, asking questions "Nausea?"

"Check" she confirmed, "although I haven't eaten today, too busy being held hostage and what not"

Will smirked humorously continuing his questioning, "Ringing in your ears?"

"Check"

"Who's he?" Will asked pointing to Jay in the bed

"A pain in my ass!"

Will chuckled aloud at her joke. "Who am I?"

Lexi smiled widely, "The best doctor in Chicago"

"Oh, she's definitely got concussion!" Jay quipped gaining their attention as he sat up in his bed.

"How you feeling?" She asked standing to go to his side and wobbling on her feet.

Will shot up putting an arm around her shoulders and one under her arm, supporting her to ensure she didn't fall. "Sit down" he told her guiding her back to the chair. "You've definitely got concussion, nausea, ringing in the ears and dizziness."

Lexi wanted to protest tell him she felt alright, she had just stood up too fast, but she knew Will wouldn't hear it, he would admit her to the hospital for observation regardless of her protests. "Check, check and check" she ticked off her symptoms with a chuckle.

"I'll get a nurse in here to stitch up your eye and then I'm admitting you, twenty-four hours observation" Will advised.

* * *

**Monday February 11** **th** **– Night**

Lexi woke in her hospital room alone. Will had admitted Lexi to the hospital, as promised, for twenty-four hours observation. She didn't mind so much, thankful for the rest. They had put her in a private room three rooms down from Jay, and Kim had been to her apartment to fetch her some pyjamas and clean clothes for tomorrow, saving her from having to wear hospital issued garments.

Lexi was grateful for the excuse of having to be observed due to her concussion, as she wasn't sure she was ready to go back to her apartment or Molly's. She knew Jay's blood would have been washed away by now, all evidence of their ordeal would have been removed. However, her emotions, memories and physical wounds weren't so easy to clean up.

She gradually sat up in the bed, giving herself a minute before she put her feet on the floor to make sure she wasn't still dizzy. Her face throbbed, her wound felt tight and stiff when she moved her eyebrow, but the dizziness had subsided.

Walking slowly, she exited her room. The hospital was quiet, looking at the clock above the nurse's station she saw it was seven forty. She must have slept for the rest of the afternoon and evening. Visiting hours were almost over, the night shift would be starting soon, the busy day was winding down.

Lexi walked to Jay's room, she leant on the open door, watching him sleep. He looked peaceful, and young. It was almost hard to believe he had been shot hours before.

The gunshot and Jay's painful scream replayed in her head, like a bad dream. The image of the dark crimson pool of blood on Molly's polished floors refused to leave her head, stuck in her minds vision like a fly caught in a spider's web. So desperate to escape yet getting more tangled the more it struggled to break free.

The awareness of how the day could have played out, how wrong the situation could have gone, made Lexi swallow a large lump in her throat, not quite able to fathom the idea of potentially losing Jay.

Losing Jay when they broke up or leaving him when she left Chicago was easier to grasp, those were her decisions, it would be on her terms. She could deal with that but Jay not living, not being in the world was a concept she couldn't comprehend.

When she left Chicago – the words spun around her head. Had she made the decision to leave without realising? She sighed heavily, relieved, yes, she had made her choice.

Chicago was over for her, she had nothing left, nothing else to give. She needed a fresh start, a break from the heartache, drama and suffering Chicago offered her. The easy part was done, the decision had been made, she was leaving Chicago, taking the job in New York. The hard part was yet to come, the goodbyes. Saying goodbye to everyone would be the hardest thing she would ever have to do, she made a mental note of everyone she would be leaving behind; Jay, Kelly, Gabby, Kim, Adam, Kevin, Antonio, Alvin, Hank, and Will.

"Lexi" she turned her attention from Jay hearing her name, turning to see Kelly stood outside the room.

"Hey" she smiled fondly at him as she left Jay's room, closing the door behind her.

"How's he doing?" Kelly asked sincerely, motioning toward Jay's room.

"He's good, got lucky, bullet didn't hit anything major" Lexi explained as they slowly meandered toward her room.

"And you?"

She smiled at his concern, "Nothing major hit either. Hoping my eye won't scar." After a second opinion on Lexi's wound above her eye Will had made a plastic surgeon stitch it, to help reduce the risk of a scar.

"You'd just look extra badass if it does" Kelly joked as they entered her room.

Lexi sat on the edge of the bed, her feet on the floor propping her up. Kelly stood in the door way, suddenly seeming shy or nervous, she wasn't sure which. "How're you doing?" she queried watching him closely.

He shuffled from one foot to the other, watching his own feet. "I was scared I was going to lose you today"

"I'm right here" she stated smiling compassionately.

"Only you're not" he disagreed looking up at her. "I have to pretend we're still engaged, sneak out of your apartment like some one-night stand!"

"Kelly, we agreed…"

He interrupted her sounding discouraged and perplexed. "I know, we agreed it was a one off, but it's totally messed with my head Lex. I can't pretend it didn't happen" He understood at the time of the actual act, it wasn't anything more than a way to comfort one another, them both needing a release of sorts, he hadn't wanted anything else from her. But the more he thought about it, the further it confused him, he did want more. He wanted a second chance with her, which he initially thought he would never get, but a small flicker of hope existed after she had slept with him. "You can't tell me it didn't mean anything more to you than a distraction."

Lexi sighed deeply, she knew it had been a bad idea. Why did she sleep with him? She should have stopped him the second he kissed her that night. "I won't lie" she began speaking softly, "it's screwed me up too. I was crazy jealous when Gabby told me you had a date." She confessed breaking their stare.

"But" Kelly continued for her knowing she had more to say.

"But being jealous just reminded me how nothing has changed. I'm in love with you Kelly" she explained Kelly's eyes bore in to hers, his expression showing he didn't quite believe she was saying what he suspected aloud. "I won't deny it, I think we both know it." She shrugged unapologetically. "I'm in love with Jay too and I think that's why it hasn't worked out with either of you."

"But it could" he suggested passionately, walking to stand in front of her. "You just have to give it a chance"

She stood up shaking her head negatively, "it won't ever work Kelly, it didn't really work before" she admitted walking around him to pace around. "We just went around in circles, making the other on jealous, fighting, making up, cheating"

"I cheated once, I made a mistake, a mistake I'll never make again"

Lexi stopped pacing and fixed her eyes to his, "I came close to making the same mistake once or twice" she confessed and watched his heart break as she stared at him. She hadn't wanted to admit it to him, hurt him more than she needed to, yet she thought it was the only way he would see there was no chance for them anymore.

"With Jay?" he questioned his eyes showing his understanding, "you came close with Jay?"

Lexi nodded confirming his question. "I never did, I promise you, I never went through with it." She hated the idea of him thinking negatively about her.

Kelly sat on the bed staring in to the floor as if he were trying to burn a hole through it to escape. He had always been jealous of her relationship with Jay. They had had countless arguments about how close they were and how much Kelly hated it. He had never thought she had cheated with Jay, he trusted Lexi whole heartedly, it had been Jay he didn't trust.

"We'd never work again. I'd never trust you" Lexi confirmed knowing after an argument Kelly would bail as he always did, and Lexi would worry he was with someone else. "You'd never trust me, we'd do nothing but argue, end up hating each other. I don't want to hate you Kelly"

"I guess being in love doesn't mean your right for each other or that you should be together." Kelly realised sadly.

"You deserve so much more than me Kelly. So much more than broken promises and heart break. You deserve to be happy, someone to love you and only you, give you a family." Her tough façade broke and tears spilled from her eyes. "If I could do it all again, I do so many things differently so that I'm the one to give you those things"

"You did" he assured her "for a long time you gave me all those things. I just wish you could again"

Holding the others gaze, Lexi's tears free flowed, pooling under her chin and dripping down her light grey pyjama shirt. Kelly regarded her with woeful eyes.

Will entered the room reading from a chart not seeing the scene he was interrupting followed by a slow walking Jay. Lexi wiped her face with the back of her hand, inhaling sharply and wincing as she wiped her eyes and tugged her wound.

"Sorry" Will apologised looking up and seeing Lexi's tear streaked face. "I can come back" he suggested starting to walk out.

Kelly half-smiled at Lexi, "It's ok doc, I was just leaving." He assured him passing Jay in the door way as he exited.

She knew as Kelly left the room she had lost him all over again. She knew their talk had been their final discussion about their relationship, it was completely over. The friendship they had created was probably lost too, they wouldn't be able to be friends after this. She was once again broken hearted over Kelly Severide.

Lexi's quiet sobs couldn't be contained any longer, the sobs racked her body as Jay crossed the room quickly to comfort her, pulling her in to his arms, holding her tightly. Jay's comfort only made her feel worse, feeling guilty for Jay having to console her when she was crying over Kelly.

* * *

**Friday February 15** **th** **– Afternoon.**

"Have I done something wrong?" Jay asked Lexi bluntly. She had taken him home from the hospital, settled him back in, making sure he had everything he needed then announced she needed to leave to run errands.

"No" Lexi answered quickly furrowing her brow in confusion.

"I feel like your avoiding me," he explained crossing his lounge to stand in front of her. He reached out to take her hand, she pulled away without thinking. "You won't let me touch you" he concluded sighing a look of neglect on his handsome features.

She despised she was the reason for the pitiful look in his eyes, but she wasn't ready to tell him she was leaving. She figured putting some distance between them, not spending so much time together, not kissing him or touching him would make the transition easier.

"Tell me what's going on, please" he asked fixing her with a pleading stare. "Talk to me"

Lexi took a deep thoughtful breath, she needed to tell him something, give him a reason for her behaviour without telling him she was leaving. "I feel guilty" she explained softly. It wasn't a complete lie but she had to give him something to placate him. "For all my actions that led to Jordan putting a bullet in you"

"That was Abby's doing not yours" Jay assured her taking a step closer to her. "I don't blame you for that"

"I know. But it wasn't entirely Abby's fault." Lexi shook her head disagreeing allowing him to put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I didn't exactly diffuse the situation with Abby, I goaded her. I sent Craig after Jordan, I got myself suspended that all led up to what Abby did"

Lexi shrugged his hand from her shoulder and sat on the chair nearest to her. "The weekend we spent together before the whole Jordan saga was amazing, almost felt like old times again." She continued a bitter sweet smile on her lips as he sat on the couch opposite her. "But then something would remind me of Abby, and I'd be furious and hurt all over again. It made me realise…" she paused looking skyward to try to push the tears back in to her eyes. "It made me realise that's what you must feel every time you see Kelly and that's not fair"

Jay broke their eye contact unable to stop the flash of pain that haunted his eyes. "I'm dealing with it"

"You shouldn't have to" she recognised miserably. "You can't honestly tell me the last week has been easy for you, seeing me heartbroken over Kelly again." She saw no advantage to denying it, it had been obvious to them both. Even though neither of them had addressed the issue or attempted to discuss it, they both knew it was true.

"We can't go back and we're too broken to go forward." Jay acknowledged depressed at the thought.

Lexi nodded agreeing, thankful he agreed with the way she felt, hoping it would make leaving easier on them both.


	18. Holding On and Letting Go

**Tuesday February 19** **th** **\- Morning**

Lexi was the first to arrive at the district. She had done it purposely, arriving at ten minutes past seven, knowing Antonio liked to the be first one in and typically got in around seven thirty. She slowly ascended the stairs, listening to the hustle and bustle of the day shift starting downstairs, Platt bellowing out assignments.

Lexi took a deep trembling breath at the top of the stairs, looking around at the empty desks of her colleagues. Only they weren't her colleagues, more than just friends, they were family. The family she had chosen.

Hank and Alvin had become surrogate Father to Lexi for the last eight years. Laying down the law, giving a firm hand, when it was needed, being role models showing her what made an amazing cop, however knowing when to take a step back and letting her decide what her definition of a good cop should be.

Kevin and Antonio were the big brothers she never had but always wanted. Kevin, a big softie at heart, she was going to miss seeing his big, broad, dazzling white teeth smile every morning. She would miss Antonio's advise and being the voice of reason.

Kim had slowly become one of Lexi's best friends, an adopted sister. She felt a little guilty knowing she had neglected Kim lately. Being so caught up in her own life and dramas to give Kim the attention and friendship she deserved.

Adam was the little annoying brother. The thought of Adam made Lexi chuckle affectionately. He was the class clown and she loved him for it, always making light of a difficult situation, making a joke at inappropriate times to break the tension. Yet he always knew when a situation required him to be serious.

She was going to miss them all so much. She fought back the tears that threatened to choke her, she was making the right decision, she knew she was, but it didn't make it any easier.

She walked to her desk, running her hands over the old, dented wood as she walked around it to put her jacket on the back of her chair before making herself a coffee.

Sitting at her desk she began gathering the information she would need to hand over her cases and criminal informant files to the team.

"Morning" Antonio greeted walking past her having come from the back entrance. "It's rare anyone beats me in"

"I couldn't sleep, figured I'd get a head start on the day" Lexi explained flippantly.

"How's Jay doing?" he asked taking off his jacket.

"He's good" Lexi confirmed gazing up from her computer screen. "Hopefully he'll be back on desk duty next week"

The truth was she hadn't seen Jay since he had been released from the hospital two days before. She had been at the hospital every day but could only keep up her pretence of everything being fine and normal for a couple of hours at a time.

Since he had been home Lexi had been avoiding spending time with him; claiming work or Molly's was keeping her away. It wasn't a complete lie, she had been busy with work, busy tidying everything up, giving statements and completing reports on Jordan Evans. They had spoken on the phone, exchanged a few messages but she hadn't been to see him, fearing he would suspect she was hiding something or realise she was distancing herself from him, trying to make her departure easier on them both.

The rest of the team slowly appeared, Kim and Adam being the last to arrive. Hank exited his office and stood beside her desk with a sympathetic smile, Lexi nodded her head knowing it was now or never. "Okay listen up" Hank called out gaining the attention of the room. "Lexi has some news"

Lexi stood from her desk and slowly walked around it to lean against it, she cleared her throat three times before she was able to talk. "Today is my last day" she announced with a happy smile that she didn't feel. "I've been offered the chance to run my own covert taskforce in New York and I'm taking it," She made the mistake of making eye contact with Kim and seeing her eyes brim with sad tears Lexi couldn't stop her own tears from forming. "I'm done in Chicago, we all know it and I'm not going to ride a desk"

Hank patted her back affectionately, knowing what she was doing was hard for her.

"Wow" Antonio was the first to speak up, "congratulations" he said approaching and hugging her. "I'll miss you".

Kevin crossed the room quickly and congratulated her as he cuddled her, Lexi swore he was sniffling back tears. "Don't forget us little guys when you're some hot shot in the big leagues"

"Never" Lexi confirmed squeezing him before he pulled away.

"You deserve this Lex, give 'em hell" Alvin advised after embracing her.

Kim approached her hesitantly, tears free flowing down her cheeks, Lexi had always seen Kim as a strong, independent, hard-hitter but seeing her cry because of Lexi broke her heart. Kim pulled Lexi in to a tight hug, "I can't believe your leaving me alone with all this testosterone!"

"You've got this" Lexi laughed, "you can keep them in check."

Adam stood in line waiting for his turn to hug Lexi and she saw his eyes shimmering with tears as she held her arms open inviting him in. "Don't you go all soppy on me Ruzek" she told him smiling playfully.

"I've got allergies" he joked wiping his eyes before yanking her in to his arms.

"Take care of Jay for me," Lexi whispered squeezing Adam enthusiastically.

"I promise" he assured her.

* * *

 **Tuesday February 19** **th** **\- Evening**

Lexi had asked Kelly to meet her, on what she was now calling Shay's rooftop, and to bring Gabby with him. Lexi had arrived twenty minutes earlier than they had arranged and entered the building as a resident was exiting.

She slowly climbed the twenty flights of stairs gathering her thoughts, trying to guess how the conversation would go. Gabby and Kelly would know something was off, why else would Lexi ask them to meet her there and not just speak with them at Molly's or her apartment. Lexi knew Gabby would be understanding, happy for her but upset she was leaving. Kelly's reaction she wasn't so sure about.

They hadn't spoken since the night in the hospital. When they had both confessed to being confused and overwhelmed after sleeping together. Lexi had assumed Kelly was giving her some time to process everything that had happened between them and with Jordan Evans. Giving her space to help Jay recover, but a conversation with Gabby two nights before told her differently.

Following their conversation at the hospital Kelly had confided in Matt and Gabby that he was determined to stay away from Lexi. For his own peace of mind, if nothing else, he needed to start the process of trying to get over her. Being in her presence wouldn't allow him to do that. It was too difficult for him to be around her and not be with her. Too hard to see her knowing he would never be with her again. He confessed to his friends he didn't regret their last encounter, it had been a bitter sweet perfect way to say goodbye, end their relationship on a high note.

Now she was going to tell him she was leaving; would it make him relieved? He wouldn't have to see her, out of sight, out of mind. Or would it hurt him, make him angry to know she was leaving.

A gust of wind blew her back as she opened the door on to the roof. Chicago's lights shimmering in front of her. She lit a fire in the pit using matches she had bought with her for that very purpose and took a seat on one of the deck chairs watching the flames take hold.

Daydreaming staring in to the embers Lexi heard Gabby and Kelly talking before they walked through the door. "Holy shit" Gabby said grabbing her chest seeing Lexi having not expected her to be there.

Lexi laughed loudly as she stood to hug her apologising for startling her. "Sorry"

"How did you even get up here?" Kelly asked accepting a quick hug from Lexi.

"One of our old neighbours saw me waiting outside, let me in"

"It's beautiful up here" Gabby assessed leaning over the roof edge to look down to the street. "I can see why Shay liked it so much"

Lexi gave Gabby a couple of minutes to appreciate the night sky, Kelly sat on the wall watching the fire burn, wearing a forlorn frown.

"Come on" Gabby broke the silence walking to warm her hands over the fire. "Why are we here?"

"If you're going to tell us you and Jay are engaged I don't..." Kelly began locking eyes with Lexi.

Lexi interrupted him shaking her head assuring him, "We're not." She inhaled deeply, exhaling slowly as she spoke, "I'm leaving tomorrow, going to New York"

"How long for?" Kelly asked without emotion.

Lexi shrugged her shoulders trying to act casually, like it was no big deal. "I don't know. I'll be working a case, could be six weeks could be six years"

"What?" Gabby gasped shocked.

Lexi's sigh was severe and full of anguish. "I have to cut all communication too" she explained, "no ties to my life here"

Kelly shook his head trying to make sense of Lexi's words, trying to imagine not being able to talk to her, see her in Molly's, not know how she was. "Taking a note from the Kelly Severide book again I see" he commented without humour. She had once told him she was following his lead of bailing when things got tough, it was classic Kelly to disappear when he couldn't deal with something.

"It's a good book" Lexi commented smirking a joking glint to her eyes, "got a couple bad chapters, but the main character is a loveable asshole"

Kelly didn't try to hide his smile walking to hug her tightly.

"That's it?" Gabby spat angry tears springing to her eyes watching them hold one another. "She calls you a loveable asshole and you're okay with this?"

Kelly stepped back from Lexi and looked at Gabby, his eyes full of regret and sorrow, "I'm anything but okay with this but when have you ever known her to change her mind?"

"Gabby I can't stay here. Chicago has swallowed me whole and spat me back out in a million pieces" Lexi explained wanting to make Gabby understand. "My career as a detective is over, Shay is gone, Kelly and I are all kinds of screwed up, I don't even know where to begin with Jay. I need to do this"

"I get all of that, but cutting us off for an indefinite amount of time?" Gabby swiped the tears from her face. "That's not fair to us"

Lexi nodded and choked back a sob of her own. "I know and I'm sorry, but I have to be selfish right now. I have to do this…I have to do this for me."

Gabby stood crying staring at Lexi the fire making her tears look red and angry. Lexi held her own tears back as best she could, taking deep breaths to stifle the sobs threatening to erupt. Gabby took a few steps and threw her arms around her friend, enfolding her in her arms as tightly as she could without hurting her.

They stood in their embrace for a minute or two, Kelly took himself to sit back on the wall facing his friends. Gabby straightened her clothes after letting Lexi go, "I'll wait by the car," she told Kelly before kissing Lexi's cheek quickly as she walked away.

Lexi took a deep breath and used a tissue to wipe her nose and eyes before looking at Kelly staring at her. "Tell me you understand, please, or at least pretend to"

"I do understand" he lied averting his gaze to look out in to the night confessing, "doesn't make it any easier though…I feel like I'm losing you all over again"

"I promise I'll come back" She told him confidently, she walked to him and took his hand turning his palm face up, she dropped the chain that held her engagement ring and the heart pendant Shay had given her in to his hand. "I promise you as soon as it's done, I'll be home, I'll be back to get that from you."

Kelly closed his hand around the necklace as she leant down and gently pressed her lips against his for the final time.

* * *

 **Wednesday February 20** **th** **– Morning.**

Lexi took a deep steadying breath, she wasn't prepared for this. She wasn't ready to do what she knew needed to be done. She had put it off long enough. Telling the team yesterday had been difficult, informing Gabby and Kelly last night had been arduous. Today, telling Jay, was going to be hell. But she had left herself no more time, holding off until the very last second. There was no other option than right here, right now.

She forced herself to lift her arm and unlock Jay's door with her own keys, plastering on a smile she entered his apartment going directly to the living room. He was sat on the sofa, wearing a pair of grey sweat pants, topless showing his bandaged wound. His smile lit up his eyes when he saw her and grew wider seeing the Jerry's bag she carried.

"I come baring gifts," Lexi announced placing the bag on the coffee table before going to the kitchen to retrieve utensils. She stood in the middle of the kitchen for a second, hearing Jay rummage in the bag declaring his love for Jerry's pancakes. She shouldn't have been there, she should have just left, sent him a note, called him when she was in New York. She was slowly losing the courage she had built up.

"I can't be held responsible for eating all these if you don't hurry." Jay called after a few minutes, she was obviously taking too long.

She quickly took two knives and forks from the draw and returned to the living room, avoiding looking at him as she handed him a set, knowing if she made eye contact she would break down, maybe change her mind and run from the apartment without explanation.

Lexi sat beside him, thankful she didn't have to face him. "How're you feeling?" Lexi enquired focusing on pouring syrup on her pancakes.

"I'd feel better if you'd tell me what's wrong?" Jay said watching her cut her pancakes in to bitesize pieces.

Lexi put her fork down, the food forgotten about, losing her appetite. She should have known Jerry's pancakes and a fake smile wouldn't fool Jay. She sighed heavily, not wanting her voice to break when she spoke, to show weakness, give Jay a chance to see her resolve was failing, make him believe he could maybe talk her out of her decision. She turned her head to look at him and couldn't handle the look of confusion and worry he wore. She took his face in her hands and kissed him, hard, passionately, knowing it was probably the last time she would ever kiss him. Once he knew she was leaving he would be angry with her.

Jay kissed her back for a few minutes. Feeling her kiss intensify, knowing something was wrong, understanding that she was trying to distract him. He pulled back from her grasp to look at her. "What's going on?" he demanded searching her eyes for an answer.

Lexi stood up abruptly, the proximity to his bare skin wasn't helping her keep her thoughts in order. "I don't know how to say it so I'm just going to say it" she explained quickly, pacing in front of his tv, playing with her hands nervously. "I'm leaving Chicago" she spoke rapidly explaining about New York and the taskforce.

If Lexi hadn't been so clearly nervous, freaked out and upset, Jay would have laughed thinking she was joking; but her demeanour told him she was completely serious. He had thought she had been acting strange since he had left the hospital, avoiding him, whereas before she refused to leave his side. At first, he figured it was just she was busy closing the Riverwalk case, having to give statements, attend mandatory counselling sessions but now he knew it was because she had been busy planning her escape. Avoiding having to tell him she was leaving.

Jay listened intently as Lexi clarified she was compromised in Chicago, Jordan taking them hostage was proof enough. She didn't know where she fit within intelligence now that she had been exposed. She told him her spot in intelligence would be held for her, she planned to come back once she had completed the job in New York, but she didn't know if it would take weeks, months or even years.

"I have to go dark, no communication with anyone but my handler" she gave him the final blow softly. Lexi stopped pacing and finally observed Jay, he looked bewildered, shocked, and angry all at once. She couldn't accept the silence, "Say something, please"

He shook his head slowly trying to find a logical response to the bombardment of information she had just given him. "What do you want me to say?" he asked locking eyes with her.

"Tell me something I don't already know" she begged her eyes shimmering with unhappy tears. "Tell me I'm wrong. I'm a fool for giving up on us" her tears fell and she made no attempt to wash them away. "Tell me running away isn't the answer. Tell me I should stay and fight for us"

"Clearly, I can't tell you anything you haven't already told yourself" he confirmed knowing she had fought with herself over the decision she had made. "You've told me all the reasons for you to leave, and they all make sense. Do you want me to give you all the reasons to stay? Talk you out of it?"

Did she? Did she want him to talk her out of it? No! No, she didn't want to be convinced to stay. She had made up her mind, she was going. This was the reason she had put off telling him, knowing seeing Jay would cause her to doubt her decision.

"I'm looking at my reason to stay" she told him tenderly wiping her tear-soaked cheeks.

"But I'm not enough" he stated looking away from her not being able to hold her sorrowful eyes. "You blame me for the fact your compromised here right? For Abby doing what she did. I know you don't mean to, but you do"

It was easy for her to forget how well Jay knew her, sometimes knew things about her she hadn't realised herself. "I don't want to blame you" she told him allowing her tears to fall freely, "but I can't help the way I feel. I don't want to end up resenting you. Hating you for something I shouldn't be blaming you for."

The silence in the room was deafening for a long time.

"I miss you, as my friend, as my boyfriend. I miss you even when I'm with you" Lexi told him after what felt like an eternity of silence. "I can be in the same room as you, be standing right beside you and I miss you like I miss Shay!" she was grieving their failed relationship, devastated for the end of their friendship.

Jay's stare penetrated her distraught eyes, heartbroken at her confession, emotionally destroyed for both their loses. "I miss you too"

"I love you and I know that's never going to change" she told him firmly "but I think we rushed in to us. Look at all we've done to each other in such a short space of time!"

Lexi didn't need to list their mistakes, they both knew what they had done. Her multiple slip ups with Kelly, Jay's mistakes with Abby.

"I never should have kissed you at the cabin. I should have given you more time to figure out who you were without Shay and Kelly" Jay thought aloud.

"No" Lexi told him firmly rushing to sit beside him on the couch. "No, no. please don't do that" she put a hand on his back "I don't regret a second of us Jay, not one millisecond of regret. I wouldn't have survived without you. I wouldn't have coped with anything over the last few months if it hadn't been for us"

Jay's emotions took over, becoming infuriated he stood up away from her touch. "So, what now your all better you don't need me anymore?" he spat angrily.

"That's not fair and you know it" Lexi said resolutely standing up to face him. She had prepared herself for him to be angry with her, she couldn't blame him, but she wouldn't let him be malicious toward her, say something he would regret.

Jay exhaled sharply walking around her to look out of his window, wishing he could go back to a time when they were happy together. No drama, no issues, just happy. He spoke without turning, already knowing the answer but needing to hear her confirm it. "You're leaving today aren't you?"

Lexi watched him breathing deeply as he stared out at the street, composing himself, getting his emotions in check. "Yes" Lexi answered seeing no need to sugar coat it.

He crossed his arms over his chest still staring at the outside world. "Then I think you should leave"

"Jay please" Lexi's voice was pleading. "I don't want to end it like this"

Jay spun around his face creased with fury. "HOW DID YOU THINK IT WOULD END? A HIGH FIVE AND A SEE YOU LATER BUDDY?" he bellowed at her "IF YOU'RE LEAVING JUST LEAVE!"

She had never seen him so livid, the venom in his voice wasn't enough to hide the pain in his eyes and her heart ached knowing she was the cause of it. She didn't want to leave on a negative note, didn't want to go when there was tension between them, she knew it wasn't ever going to end happily but she wanted it to be more than angry words and hurt.

"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? LEAVE!"

Lexi inhaled, wiped her tears away, what else could she say? Tell him she loved him? He knew that and she knew he loved her too, otherwise he wouldn't have been so furious with her, feel so passionately about her leaving. She wasn't going to say sorry, she had no reason to be sorry. She turned marching through his apartment.

Jay listened to the door slamming echo around the apartment. Lexi was gone, she had left him. He hadn't even told her he loved her when she had said it to him. He hadn't told her he understood why she was leaving, he hadn't told her he'd always be there for her, would wait for her if that's what she wanted.

It took him two minutes to realise the mistake he had made in letting her leave the way he had. He raced around his sofa, reaching the corridor, he saw Lexi stood staring at him standing by the door, her mascara succumbing to the ocean of tears, leaving black tracks down her face.

Jay ran toward her, crashing in to her, pushing her against the door as they wrapped their arms around each other, finding the others mouth and connecting as one. Knowing their embrace wouldn't change anything, knowing Lexi was still leaving they both wanted to remember everything about their final kiss.

Kissing fervently, hungry for the familiarity of each other. Lexi could taste the coffee he had drunk earlier on his tongue; the natural smell of his skin filled her senses, the feel of his strong arms wrapped around her waist, clasping her body against his, made her melt against him.

Jay didn't want the kiss to end, savouring the aroma of her sweet fruity shampoo as her hair tickled his face, the feel of her hand pressed in to his back, pulling him in to her, her other hand on the back of his neck holding him in the kiss, the taste of her salty tears made his heart break.

Pulling apart, keeping their eyes closed, Jay rested his forehead against hers. "I know I shouldn't say this, I know it's wrong but I'm going to say it anyway." Jay began speaking quietly "Please don't go, please don't leave me. Stay…stay with me"

Lexi squeezed her eyes closed tighter, if she looked at him, stared in his beautiful, blue, sorrowful eyes, she would agree to stay. She would stay with him. "I can't" she professed lowering her head and caressing his soft supple lips with her own one last time.

"I love you" he declared in a breathless whisper against her mouth.

Lexi pulled herself from his grasp and stepped out of his arms, she had to let him go, she had to disappear. It was right for them both. She opened the door and didn't dare to look back as she exited knowing she would lose her resolve and stay with him. "I love you too" Lexi cried broken-hearted as she walked away.

* * *

 **Author Note** : So that's it, the end of the Lexi, Jay and Kelly triangle (for now at least). I'm all out of ideas for Lexi at present but you never know I may return to tell more of her her story in the future.

I'm working on a new story for a different fandom so it won't be any time soon, sorry!

Thank you for reading and taking time to like/vote/comment etc.


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